Friday, July 31, 2009

Dealove's Little Froggy

May the frogs during my Biology class back in high school rest in peace... Sob3

Hantu Itu Kejar Aku

Tah nape semalam aku teringat pulak masa silam aku yg penuh kejahatan. Cewah, ayat begitu hyperbola... hehe... Ni r yg aku tak suka kalo balik uma. Aku akan teringat bende2 memori lama tu. Apa nak buat, bende dah jadi n aku dah janji ngan Bro F takkan ulang lagi kesilapan aku tu. Masa tu aku rasa mcm diri ni keji betul. Aku takkan boleh lupakan Bro F sebab setiap mesej yg dia pernah bagi akan bagi tamparan yg hebat kat muka aku yg chubby ini.

Aiyaa, kalau ikutkan malas betul nak balik uma. Tapi best gak dpt cuti yg sekejap ni. Ok, ingat nak revise biochem or civil or intro, tapi rasa muak lak. hehe. Aku lom makan pun ni. Aku mmg tak suka makan. Alang2 tak makan, baik takyah makan. Tu r dia diet melampau aku. Dah biasa. Time aku makan, memang tahap telan jerr... Time tak makan, mmg aku takkan makan. Dah lewat tgh hari baru aku makan. Lagipun, dok kat uma ni bape sgt r kalori yg aku guna....


Berbalik pada kenangan yg aku terkenang malam semalam, aku teringat mcm mana dari A sampai Z aku wat keputusan yg betul2 salah dlm hidup aku, sampai tahap aku pun tak kenal sapa aku ni. Kalo tgk org sekeliling, pernah gak terasa hinanya. Their records must be clean, not like mine. Haha.

Tak aku ingat hari apa aku dpt mesej Ayie. Mula2 aku dah syak, no. yg aku tak kenal ni mesti no. org yg aku kenal pada 'Dark Ages' aku. Tpi aku curious gak, mana r tau, ada benda penting kerr... (Hehe, actually aku mmg sajerr tempah maut). Then aku pun reply pakai no. Celcom r, mmandangkan no.Maxis sudah pun expired.

"Are you free in 15 Ogos? If interested, just call me, okay"

Bunyi mcm mesej iklan pun ada. Aduii... Ingatkan mamat yg ngorat aku few months ago yg bagi mesej, sebab kali terakhir function dia mmg aku tak dpt gi. Kih3. Takde kje aku nak gi KL semata2 nak gi jumpa mamat tu. Haram aleik... Sebab tu r aku tak jangka pun tu mesej budak mentah tu... Nampaknya 'masalah' budak tu dak setel r tu. Cehh, pe r gilerr sgt... Mcm2 org dlm dunia ni. Aku mmg hobinya delete2 no. Nak2 no. org yg tak guna satu sen haram pun. Takut nanti aku contact lagi org camtuh.

"You have text to no. 017-******* rite? Who's this?"

Then budak mentah tu tak balas.

Aku mesej lagi, "Kie kerr?"

Baru r ttbe budak tu reply, "Aik, sape Kie? Sy Ayie r. 15 Ogos ni sy ada gathering."

Dah agak dah. Dah r kali terakhir budak tu contact aku masa dia perlukan duit sbab dah nak kena masuk lock up, kononnya la... Nasib baik aku tak sebut setiap nama yg aku dah delete kat contact list aku. Whatever la. Kawan aku bagitau budak tu mmg banyak menipu org. Haha. Hmm... Aik, byk betul duit dia wat gathering. In my mind, gathering cikai2 je r kot. Tak pun, abg2 or kakak2 agkat belanja. Hehe...Lepas tu aku terus delete je mesej tu sbab aku tak nak lagi terlibat ngan any one of my 'Dark Ages' lagi.

Tapi tak semena-mena, aku teringat lak benda2 lama semalam. Aku bayangkan kalo aku tak kantoi ngan Bro F, aku takkan rasa hina sgt sampai skg... Sume sebab dia. bukan aku nak tegakkan benang basah, tapi mmg dia dah wat mcm mmg takde bende yg baik pada aku ni. Mmg tak dinafikan, 'benda' yg aku pernah buat tu mmg takkan boleh diterima sape2 pun, tapi kdg2 rasa geram, kadang2 rasa bersyukur, kadang2 or sepanjang hayat rasa hina gila.

Aku tak nyesal pun kenal ngan brader tu, but things could be alot more easier. I tried to change myself to the better in a very painful way. And now, I got the results. Aku tak tau r kalo ada sape2 yg punyai sisi gelap, tapi sekali kiter pernah buat silap, kiter akan nyesal sepanjang hayat. Lepas satu, satu... Tah nape tah ttbe mamat Ryan yg bengong tu bagi instant message kat aku (aku pengguna setia msn messanger). Siap ajak aku amek persediaan kat UNITEN lagi. Katanya kat situ more urban student... haha... Sikap angkuhnya tak pernah berubah. Oh ye, aku tau r dia akan gi USA, tapi takde r cakap, "Aren't u have to wear hijab or something like that?"... Ek eleh mamat ni... nyampah aku. For sure r dia pikir org gi Egypt ni sume kena terus pakai purdah kot. Nasib baik kejap je aku chat ngan dia, sgt kejap. Mula2 dia dpt petronas, pastu dpt Bank Negara... Rezeki dia... But I can admit that he's quiet a professional, like he mentioned. Kira terer gak r maen chess and bla3... Whatever, tapi mmg dialah antara dugaan aku. Mula2 aku kenal dia kat program pendedahan kerjaya, aku ingat dia mamat biasa2, innocent, could be loaded gak, could be playboy, could be a typical loaded boy.... Bila aku dah chat ngan dia... Ciss, baru ku kenal sape kau... Well, I like challenges n dulu aku sering suka menempah maut. Sebab tu aku tak suka dok uma. Nanti mcm2 aktiviti aku ley buat. But jgn r ingat aku wat jenayah kerr, drug seller kerr... kalo aku tau tu yg korang pikir, sure aku tergelak tergolek-golek... Kah3... I supposed org cam aku ni professional 'criminal' kot masa 'Dark Ages'... Hehe... Wajah yg innocent banyak bagi kelebihan utk aku beroperasi lepas sekolah...So, masa zaman sekolah aku akan klasifikasi sekolah=tempat berbuat baik, luar sekolah=tempat berbuat nakal... Upps...

Sebab tu at some points, aku ni bermasalah sket dari segi emosi sebab byk benda aku pernah lalui dan ada antaranya tak pernah berhenti meragut jantung aku sampai skang. So, mintak maaf r kat sape2 yg aku pernah kutuk dgn sesedap rasa. Yummy2... Ego aku ni kadang2 mmg tahap gaban. Aku cuma akan stabil pada beberapa masa jerr and antaranya pada masa aku study. Tu r, pada masa kiter banyak guna otak, kiter takkan bertindak melulu. So, course medic ni mmg sesuai la sgt utk aku sebab semakin busy and semakin banyak benda penting aku kena ingat, aku takkan ingat lagi benda2 buruk, selain drpd aku mmg suka menganalisis dan minat sambung2 jari putus...

Pengajarannya, banyak guna otak okay... Huhuu... Sekali gus aku dah siapkan slogan "Saya memilih jurusan perubatan kerana..." (tidak lebih 30 patah perkataan)

Monday, July 27, 2009

Sleeping Beauty

Yeah, barulah aku dpt inspirasi nak post in blog dalam BM lak. Al-maklum r, dah bertahun-tahun aku blogging BI. Kejang jari ni beb, kena pikir balik caner nak blogging BM... So, aku rasa camni r style nyerr kan? Kan2? hehe...

Slurrpp... sedapnya air kiwi yg aku buat setelah aku siap sidai baju tadi... Upps, terlalu lah ‘pandai’ aku ni. Akulah anak dara pertama yg sidai baju lewat2.. mekaceh2... Your comppliments are my pleasure.. Huhu... Apa2 r. Jadi budak nak masuk U ni lain sket, org cuti, kiter tak cuti. Rahmat disebalik H1N1, kitorang pun dicutikan...Org sibuk kerja, kita lak cuti. Tak sabar2 lak nak tunggu kepulangan bonda dan adinda tercinta balik dari sekolah. Sebelum mak aku gi kerja, ada gak pesan, “Kalau rajin, sidai r baju tu.” Dan ya.... Tu memang salah satu psycho mak aku. Maksudnya, obligated r tu... Memandangkan aku nak gak jadi antara yg dikatakan rajin tu, so aku pun buat r... Bila aku bosan wat assignment Biochem, aku gi r sidai baju. Bila aku rasa cam otak kiri aku dah agak berat, aku post r blog ni... Kang kepala senget ke kiri aku gak yg jadi teleng kang. Begitu r ceritanya pada hari ini. Tadaa..

Cakap pasal assignment, mesti r teringat lecture kat INTEC tu. Aku adalah antara golongan yg sedikit2 sahaja terjaga semasa lecture mahupun dalam kelas semasa di sekolah dahulu. Mintak ampun sgt r, bukannya tanda aku pikir bagus atau tanda aku tak minat, tapi tu r cara otak aku digest mendalah yg aku blajo. Tak caye tgk r aku kalo aku ngafal apa2 pun. Mesti diselangi ngan tidur yg lena. hehe. Kalo tak tido mmg takkan masuk pe pun. Aku cian gak kat member yg berusaha menentang hukum alam iaitu mengantuk ngan segala macam cara. Bukannya masuk pun. Hehe... Terpulang r. Salah satu cara aku belajar ialah dgn tido. Lain r kalo korang dah dpt tido yg cukup, ley r citer... kalau aku rasa aku taknak blajo cara tido, aku tido awal r mlm tu dan conserve seberapa banyak hormon yg ley wat aku stay awake. Maka, tido aku dlm lecture sgt konsisten. setengah jam aku tido, setengah jam aku alert gilerr dan seterusnya. Tu pun bergantung pada topik yg dibincangkan. Kalau topik tu memerlukan pemikiran yg ‘ketat’, mesti r cepat ngantuk. Berfikir pun ley letih tau... Bukan salah aku. Haha... kalo aku ada tertinggal apa2 aku akan bukak balik notes or tanya kat member yg mempunyai kekuatan otak yg tinggi. Credits to Ijan. Heee...Haha, masa sekolah sampai tahap member aku tak sangka aku tido dlm kelas sebab aku banyak berlatih tido tanpa disedari org lain yg aku tido. Kalo sekali pandang mmg kadang2 nampak je aku ala2 concentrate, tapi ada masa org tak tau langsung aku nga lena. Nak belaja tido tanpa tersengguk atau bertongkat dagu? Aku takkan ajo... Hohooo.. Kang byk lak student salah gunakan ilmu ni. Banyak betul setan kat mata aku ni. Ish3... Don’t worry okay, I’m trying to stay awake but my advice, kalo dah ngantok, tido je r... takyah r tersengguk2.. kang kena sakit tengkuk lak. Huhu... jahatnya aku menghasut org... Tak pun, make sure you dah ada notes about pelajaran akan dtg, then cuba r paham2 sendiri... bila tak paham notes baru tanya lecturer. Kan senang camtuh. Tinggal malas n tak malas jerr..

kesimpulannya, aku sgt teringin merepek dan inilah produk hasil kemerepekan aku yg terulung. Kualiti isinya 50:50 je ok! sekian, mekaceh.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Her Cloudy World

My writings are usually gloomy. Can't get rid of the rebellious and dark elements. Haha. So my apologies if this isn't your taste. Want to 'hit' someone in today's post, but that will be too ruthless and unfair. Therefore, my pleasure if you manage to interpret this poem by your own ideas.

Her Cloudy World


Am I trapped in my Neverland?
Air kissed gently my skin
Heat rotten me when I struggled to move out
I look myself as a stranger
I look for invincible ones to caress my heart
The way I am trying to understand humans
Should not they are too?

'Suffer' is not my word
Never even once calmly calculated
For it poised only a bite of my parasitic invasive pain
Have not you see how much I had been nibbled?
That at some moments I broke down on the descents?

I glance at 'tranquility' and 'safety'
but then I turned to abnormalities
Could I take the odds as my own credibility and uniqueness?
Or perhaps I have none of those
Though I prefer loneliness than intricacy by stupid parties
My faith tells me there's an episode so-called 'some day'

May the melodies of mine are heard by the innocents
I write only towards my identity
Like the shortness of these writings
The shortness of my breath follows
To where retardants will lead me
Words are my food, my strength
Fear pushed me
Deep into my ambitions
Changing bogus life and warmth

Dear Lord,
Let me out of it
The genuine world is missing me
Dying for my grasp and fondle
My soar and beautiful struts
My colours and sights
Help me arise these hands to that lofty lustrous sky

-Maya Dealove-


Monday, July 13, 2009

Abstract Pack

"To pose a new ideology; sometimes you will be laughed, sometimes you will be hated and the rest, will decide to ignore. Some people may show interest or at least a little bit of respect. But to those who have empty soul and mind, their heads are nothing but toxic rubbish."


How many times have you been forwarded by the word respect? I bet too many uncountable times. Let's not talking personal here. Let's talk professionalism. You are not a joker, yet you are not making any one of silly jokes. What would you think or feel when someone laugh while you are tired, under pressured and are trying to generate some ideas? Would you be without sensitivity or just stay strong? What if you have the symptoms of a paranoia? How much would you want persons around you to understand and willing to accept the way you are?

You may feel amused by the cheer of one little girl, but how much do you can keep on by her side; whether in joy or tears? Creativity is misunderstood by hypocrite people who claim pretending is aristocracy. From the third point of view, a person should learn about respect in listening someone's idea. Ignoring in silence is better than teasing with over-reacted annoying acts. Some of 'us' just have to get through this lesson, 'respect' over again, haven't we?

This is not a writing of dissatisfaction. This is the expression of one's principle. I believe that my experience taking part into academic skills and soft talents can explain everything. Humans process information using the organ, 'brain', not by using feet where feet can only be used to step on this temporary world and to walk. Some people who do not understand the term, 'respect' should try to walk their stunted minds once in a while.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Fresh from the Oven

Today is calm, despite of the unfinished assignments. I knew I'm not as good like those in my class, but I've done my best in my very first Biology quiz. I'll remember the position of sphenoid bone for the rest of my life, as I did a mistake in the labellings section of the quiz. Still, not very satisfied about my Biochemistry marks; 23/30. I should put more effort on that. Quiz is fun and thrilling only after we get our marks. So, I'm average. That's what I can best describe myself. I'm not one of the geniuses here.

In my way of constructing the best slide show for the subject, 'Civilization in Medicine' presentation, I am taking a little rest by posting today's blog.

What a waste I did not bring my fresh written poem, a poem with very interesting and deep values. Nah, no worries. I'll post that at anytime. I promise.

Alright, there are few new students here, at the library. I'm feeling sorry for them because it seems like they have nothing to do at all, not like us who are working with our assignments. Ha, ha...! Although they are at the same age like me, I almost feel like a super senior. Those descent looks, fresh aura and new faces excite me especially when one boy asked me about borrowing book at the library. He, like the other new students, have not get their ID card. So, sorry to say, we can easily spot fresh comers from a mile because of the lame tags. No offends. I was glad at the moment we got our own INTEC ID cards. What a relieve! In my heart that time, I spoke,

"Alas, we are part of the club now..."


As a conclusion, new people are always becoming the attraction. In that case, have a new spirit every day so that you can develop an attraction towards doing many awesome things. For example, when you are learning certain subjects, have a new full spirit to them. If you are having full interest, you would not care how a person talks. All that matters is, you want to know everything the person is telling you.

You can do it, Maya Dealove. You are lovable (giving credits is good, do not underrate yourself) You'll never get bored staring at the bulky chunks of your books then; speaking about pre-university students.

Get excited to learn new things and be willing to accept challenges. "You'll never know until you try."


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Eye on You

Ak takley nk tahan pandangan. haha. Bongok jerr bunyi nyerr...Bongok lg pe yg ak rasa.

Am I still hoping from a piece of him?
nahhh... no3...! EVER!!!
Am I jealous? YES3... tak guna punya bdk mentah. baru abes SPM dh dpt tempat di hati beliau... Cpt nye dpt pganti... bodoh lg pompuan tuh dari ak.
Pe kaitan ak ngan dia? Takde kaitan... Almost in deep lust-love. Hurghh! Almost in a useless relationship...
Hensem ke dia? Biasa2 jerr, stakat mak bapak kaya kot. Do I look like someone who care bout that?



Apa2 la. I don't owe a thing. But My eyes owe something on you. I repeat, ON YOU!!! I'll never forget YOUR WAY... Oh dear you're so offensive to my heart. Your voice, messages... Everything. But I'm happy you're not mine. HA-HA-HA... I hate you how much that I can't take my eyes on you. I hate you for making yourself so unforgotten.

Few hours before this thought came, I read:-

Aurat : Apa Sudah Jadi?
oleh Ust Hj Zaharuddin Hj Abd Rahman

and

Penduduk Gaza Protes Mesir Sekat Konvoi, Berita Harian

This is more thoughtful... Heh. Much much convincing than thinking bout this one idiot fellow.