Maya Dealove's Official Entries

Little Creatures

2012-02-11T11:45:00.000+02:00

Sampai di gerbang fakulti perubatan Kasr el-Ainy dengan hati girang beserta harapan baru.

"Kelas tak ada."

Remuk hatiku, saat akhir kelas Mikrobiologi dibatalkan. Tak bestnya tak bestnya. Patutlah seorang rakan sebaya berjalan arah bertentang sambil memegang telefon bimbit semacam pegang kompas atau sedang merujuk GPS. Barangkali sedang menghebahkan tentang pembatalan tersebut.

Katanya rakyat jelata di Mesir akan berkumpul ramai-ramai hari ni. Jadi eloklah berjaga-jaga. Esok barulah ada kelas. Esok masih ada. Assignment Farmakologi masih tak siap. Go M go!

p/s: obsesi terhadap Mikrobiologi makin memuncak.

Atenas Hostel: Being Thin is Good

2012-02-08T18:58:00.001+02:00

Percutian ke Sepanyol dah lama berlalu pergi. Menjejak semula Kaherah pada 5 Februari 2012 kala bandar ini masih berbunyi-bunyi walaupun langit sudah hitam pekat. Pasti aku rindui Sepanyol dan orang-orangnya terutama sekali Anna.

Daku letak dua beg kecil bersebelahan, tenung lama-lama kemudian meminta pendapat taulan pula.

"Mana satu paling okay bagi kat mak-mak?"

"Yang ni." jawab si kawan.

"Aku pun rasa macam tu." Muktamad. Sekadar beg kecil yang dirasakan elegan dan punyai aura tenaga untuk Mak yang berdedikasi dalam kerjayanya.

Siap dibungkus, bayaran tersimpan cermat dalam mesin juruwang, resit diterima dengan senyuman. Kemudian, aku mengalih pandanganku dari dompet ke satu sudut.

"Teman-teman sudah tiada!" Cuak bercampur lucu. Macam silap mata. Memang epic betul. ‘Bertuah’.

Aku pandang muka orang putih tadi dengan riak hairan, dia pun hairan juga. Aku terasa cuak dan terasa macam nak ketawa. Haish, 'malasnya' nak hadap babak macam ni... Dahlah M buta jalan.

"Your friends are gone..."

Aku tersengih. Dalam hati, janganlah dia simpati padaku sampai rasa nak nangis. Aduh, tandus buah fikiran. Seorang diri. Jika berdua tak apa lagi. Alah, chill sajalah.

"Ya Allah, cepat-cepat gerakkan hati mereka. Mereka ada budak hilang..." Betul-betul rasa macam anak kecil. Buta Jalan. So unbelievable that I'm actually 21 this year. Tapi secara refleksnya aku yakin ini perkara kecil. Allah sentiasa jaga budak perempuan yang ‘cacat’ ini.

Aku pun menunggu di luar agar mudah dilihat. Tercegat macam awek setia yang ditinggalkan boypren. Kemain gitu. Sila datang segera untuk lempang saya. Huhu. Takkan ku lupa udara sejuk malam Granada yang terasa sedang-sedang kerana berfikir secara kritikal membebaskan haba ke seluruh kulit.

"It's cold outside. Why don't you wait inside?"

Tersengih saja yang aku tahu. Failed betullah M!

"Do you need any help? I can take you to your hotel."

Sampai dua kali dia tawarkan pertolongan.

"...I don't know what else I can do to help you." Anna akhiri tawaran kedua.

Untunglah, tak ramai Spanish fasih bicara bahasa Inggeris. Aku terus memerah otak bagaimana supaya aku akhirnya dikesan teman-teman dalam masa paling pantas. Haha. Baguslah M, sebarang nombor kau tak simpan. Baik, ku cuba ingat nama hostel. Bermula dengan abjad, 'A'. Atrusa, At... At...

Perempuan dekat mesin juruwang tadi nampak macam bos Anna. Entah. Aku pun, "Al... At... Al..." tergagap-gagap menunjukkan betapa sedikit yang aku ingat tentang hostel tu. Dia tulis perkataan, 'Atenas'. Familiar to me. Atenas? Gran Via? Familiar names.

Kali ni aku menerima pertolongan Anna. Orang Croatia rupanya, Sedang berjalan menuju hostel Atenas tu, kami berborak.

“You’re married?” aku tanya.

“No, but I have a boyfriend. You?”

Sentap hatiku. Menyesal tanya. Sensitif dowh soalan tu. LOL. Dengan penuh perasaan, “Everytime I like someone he already has someone else!” Tu dia, bercakap macam budak umur 6 tahun tapi itulah jawapan klise aku. Haha. Awal-awal lagi pun orang kedai tu ingat aku baru umur budak sekolah.

Besar mata Anna bila aku kata aku 21 tahun. Patutlah concern gila padahal aku dah buat muka setenang yang boleh tak mahu bagi org lain buat ekspresi kasihan. Haih.

Kami bersalaman mengucap selamat tinggal.

“I have to go back to my work, okay…?”

Lepas tu, barulah boleh buat muka cuak tahap 98 dalam bilik takut kena marah dengan kawan-kawan.

Aku bayangkan mereka akan cakap, “Itulah, lain kali alert!” Mesti malu. Nampak sangat menyusahkan orang. Waa. Mundar mandir. Makan roti disapu jem strawberi untuk menenangkan perasaan. Hehe.

Moral di sini ialah aku terbukti berbadan bak sekeping papan sampai orang tak perasan. Dah banyak kali kawan kehilangan aku walaupun aku di sebelahnya. -_________-

Di mana sahaja kita berada, para Sang Buta Jalan MESTI teriak awal-awal, “Tunggu aku, aku di sini.” kalau anda yang terakhir membayar di kedai. Just in case.

"Kalau orang lain kena baca 5 kali, aku kena baca 10 kali. " (quote diri sendiri)

Amoi 2: loser betul quote diri sendiri.

p/s: Wee… Semester baru bakal menjelma. Bestnya bestnya.

Pigeon

2012-01-10T17:13:00.003+02:00

Tak sabar rasanya nak habis exam! Nada excited ya, bukan semata-mata nada tak sabar. Teruja bercampur berdebar. Esok setelah sekian lamanya aku bersembunyi di balik sarang buatan timbunan buku subjek Patologi, aku akan keluar menghadap wajah-wajah rakan rakan seperjuangan di dewan peperiksaan.

Adakah M akan membuat catwalk/datang paling lewat dengan raut diva atau mengajuk supaya persis ahli kaji soalan dengan muka ketat bajet pro/menunggu kerana datang awal? Aku akan lihat nanti.

Empat subjek yang lama. Insya Allah, berbaloi dan diberkati oleh Allah.

Delicious vast knowledge to be tested on papers. May it will stain on my mind, heart and soul forever. Thus every inch of this body says, "Alhamdulillah!"

"Do not be surprised to get tumours. Be surprised not to get tumours."

[Says a lecturer known with his special initial, MF as he was commenting about the numerous tumour factors or carcinogens around us.]

p/s: Kicau burung merpati tajam berbunyi-bunyi
Saksi orang tak cukup membaca seratus kali

Rhythm of Now, Seventeen No More

2011-12-30T00:52:00.001+02:00

Ada orang hatinya sakit, langsung tanpa petanda. Mata di luar yang celik pasti terpanggil untuk membantu dengan segera penuh cermat agar dipastikan terserap mesej berhikmah. Orang yang rosak tak merasakan apa-apa, keras dan kaku. The kind of piece which is so friable and could irreversibly rupture anytime out of conscience. Bukan sifat teguh jika begitu, tapi sifat keras ibarat fibrosis tebal. Kes kronik.

"Orang kalau dah biasa melawan fitrah, lama-lama terbiasa dan tak merasa pelik langsung dengan benda pelik (tak bermoral, bertentangan syarak/ peraturan) yang dia buat." Diubahsuai oleh M, adaptasi daripada mentor usrah semester lepas.

Ada satu jiwa yang ku kenali, berada dalam kalangan lebih kurang 7 billion populasi seluruh planet subur, manusia comel. Ia telah merasakan sakit sekali. Barangkali faktor luaran seperti desakan stres dan kepekaan optimum. Lalu ia berasa sakit apabila tersedar yang ia tercondong dari puncak sasaran azam barunya. Fuhh, jangan sesekali kau cuba menjadi kronik!

What's called distraction. What's called 'fable'. The forbidden dream. And it costs a broken heart moment after that, back in reality.

"Ya Allah, inikah ujian untuk orang hebat? Aku redha. Atau inikah penanda aras yang aku masih di tahap yang sama? Aku malu."

Ia menanam rasa sayang, mencabut rumpai samseng beracun dalam hati setiap hari. Hatinya girang dengan rasa sayang kecuali pada suatu hari, kecelaruan menjerang darah mudanya. Rasa seperti si fulan anggap dirinya/pertimbangannya jahat. Ya, hatinya pernah jahat. Kecelaruan bertukar kekacauan.

"Ya, memang aku jahat. Aku akan betul-betul buat jahat. Aku akan ingkar isi penting nasihat engkau."

Duduk bermuhasabah jauh daripada manusia lain dan berbisik, "Nafsu kemarahan ini, mungkin kerana aku sedih tak bertempat. Aku yang menyebabkan kesedihan itu. Aku yang telah biarkan pengharapan berbunga-bunga, tanpa bersandar kepadaNya, Yang Maha Mengetahui. Akhirnya bunga yang buruk dan berkulat buat aku sedih."

Finally she cried, "And I project the anger (in my heart by negligence) to the wrong person being at the wrong time."

p/s: Yang ini aku tambahkan kemasinan emosi sedikit. Tempoh hari kurang berpuas hati dengan selitan elemen2 artikel DotDotDot, percubaan pertama dalam hidup Sang M. Heh.

Amoi 1&2: "If it is not you, it'll be someone like you combined with another blessed people. Combo!" quoted from the character above.

M: Experience at home really made the girl doubtful on The Dream so she called it The Forbidden Dream.

Ya El Medan

2011-12-07T18:06:00.006+02:00

As you listen to one's experience, you'll meet successful and failed people in specific things such as competition, exam or even tackling one they fallen in love to. If this year you're sitting for Malaysia's well known big examination, Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM), you'll be confused, all anxious and curious about what is going to happen. Typical responses of meeting new events.

During high school, when I was in Form 5, one motivator told, "Don't listen to failed people. They'll say to you that everything was too hard and terrify you."

Two years before (or maybe during primary school. I don't exactly recall.) one motivator said, "Failed people claim they had done everything or did the best but then failed whereas a succeed person is someone who's at first, hesitate what he done 'till he achieved tremendously, when people ask, "How?"."

Wouldn't you agree? Like most rules, not always but commonly.

I knew all of the failure-alert responses are just normal psychological defense mechanism even before I take Psychology subject at Cairo University last semester. Of course, mother is a full time high school counselor.

I lived for 20 years now. Alhamdulillah. Obviously, both success and failure are cures. Based on my limited knowledge, I summarize that you need accurate 'dose absorption proportions' for your own life story. Ordinary girl like me requires 90% from successful persons and 10% from failed ones. I suggest brave fellows take both equally 100% where your profit will increase up to 200%. For ones with invincible mental components.

We need to analyze a failure for we are responsible to put innovative measures in fixing errors in their problem solving methods. And so, the 10% lesson. Amateurs need motivation more. I was wrong as I scared one junior about circumstances in Medicine even my intention was just to make her prepared for any outcomes. They still lack of identity. Most of juniors unable to guide but need examples or guidance.

It doesn't mean if you failed once, you'll fail forever. Especially Muslims, we are meant to be successful and guide human race to the right path. Girls, please do not over-react after you heard of someone's failure. Take the lesson, learn (analyze), think and then act! Because failed people are meant to be muchmuchmuch MORE successful in the future and because they're strong ENOUGH for that particular failure.

I'm not speaking about failure. I'm speaking about success. My this year's personal theme is, 'Success and Greatness'. It will be a challenging one. The previous years were more laid back although I cried and forced myself to insomnia (thanks to caffeine) so that I finish re-memorizing the whole bunch of Anatomy books. Third year is like a transition from High School's Form 3 to Form 4.

WED (11 / 01 / 11) Pathology, 10 am - 12 pm

SUN (15 / 01 /11) Parasitology, 10 am -11 am

WED (18 / 01 / 11) Pharmacology, 10 am - 12 pm

SUN (22 / 01 / 11) Microbiology, 10 am - 11.30 am

May Mid-Year Examination be a medium of thankfulness of a girl to her Lord.

What's your El-Medan?

p/s: I've tasted D's in Additional Mathematics (I think but usually B's or C's), Chemistry (because internet addiction LOL), very frequent B's and C's for all Science stream subjects, History (Silly teacher. Just because I wrote in point forms. :P) and still wondering how people constantly got A1 in those, not in SPM (where there's graph adjusting). Bila jealous dlm hati cakap, "Skema betul mereka ni A memanjang." Mesti kau org takut campur risau, pasal prestasi aku agak berbahaya.

Purplish Hill

2011-11-11T09:47:00.001+02:00

Her disaster was heat.

Hotness that rips.

Mine was frost.

Coldness that bites.

(Maya Dealove, November 10, 2011)

Both hurts.

Perhaps this is it. All grudges should be in history. The urge for this mind to understand them or at least, be kind to. One of them who I once decided not to include into future timeline while I must to do so. Others were slaves of lust and pathetic impolite fellows and jerks. May I choose moderation over rage and cold shoulder. So that warm water blows angry fire. This is a suggestion, not yet an action.

Jordan trip was my days of thinking. Done with the mission.

Memory of November 8, 2011. M for Metamorphosis where the word, 'maturity' is insufficient already.

p/s: Officially 20 years and 3 days old. Oh yeah, every time I post, I feel sort of Deja Vu phenomenon. Or could it be attitude issue? Could it be misleading brain efficiency? LOL

Grow Bigger

2011-10-31T20:39:00.001+02:00

Ini saya nak bagi alasan beli makanan luar hari ini. Alasannya berbunyi, "Kami habis kuliah pada waktu unggas kembali ke sarang."

Dengar khabar angin seorang rakan serumah nak beli Kusyari. Rupa-rupanya mi segera. Dah lama mengidam nak rasa parasit dalam makanan luar ni. Nafsu ni, buku Parasitologi pun boleh kalah berdebat dengan ia.

Amoi 1: Hoi, kau ni perut cap apa?
M: Cap Gajah Duduk. Kau diam.

Pelan rakus. Pertama, tempah Nasi Yaman untuk lima orang tolak si pemakan mi segera tadi. Kedua, makan nasi tu macam biasa. Kemudian, pada waktu ramai sedang leka cuba nak habiskan makanan masing-masing, buat muka tak cukup zat. Diikuti dengan, "Mintak ciket...!" ala-ala comel pula.

Amoi 2: "Echo, echo!"
M: Alahai. Boo 'Echo'. Boo!

Rupa-rupanya beli makanan lain. Tak ada Kushari untuk aku tagih.
Dua orang ahli beit tak sempat menjamah nasi tersebut. Pandai-pandailah bajet rembesan gastrik kalian ya...

(Bunyi kicauan burung, loceng rumah tu...)

Itulah dia, menu tanpa asap dapur kami. Nasi Yaman, Nasi Hadramaut atau Nasi Mandy Hadramaut dsb. Samalah tu agaknya. Pak cik delivery confirm faham punya...

Google jumpa dari SINI

Di atas itu bukan aku punya. Beit Humaira' pakai pinggan warna pink.

Falsafah

Berebutlah.
Rebutlah ilmu.
Rebutlah kebaikan.
Berebut-rebut dalam keadaan buta?

Haha. Aku tiada komen.

Cuma minta jauh, minta supaya bukan kita orang-orang begitu.
And may us not to be mad judgmental.

p/s: 3/4 hambar post ni. Pernah berkunjung ke blog Zahiril Adzim? Salah satu aspek cita rasa aku.

Have You Heard: SMA and STAM

2011-10-21T17:38:00.002+02:00

Arghh. Dah tidurlah tu. Aku buka SmartVOIP, aku dail nombor telefon bimbit Adik, amoi operator yang jawab. Pelik betul, dalam banyak2 settings bahasa, bahasa Mandarin juga digunanya jadi suara operator. Jelek sudah mendengar amoi itu bicara dalam bahasa yang tak aku faham. Bukan jelek pada bahasa itu, jelek kerana tidak faham.

Bagi sesiapa yang bersekolah menengah di sekolah di bawah JAIS, mesti kenal peperiksaan Sijil Menengah Agama atau SMA. Itupun bagi mereka yang kekal sekurang-kurangnya sehingga tingkatan 5. Bagi yang menggelupur nak masuk sekolah elit dengan niat elak peperiksaan tu, tak tahulah masih ingat atau sebaliknya. Guraulah, mana ada orang jenis macam tu. Atau ada?

Amoi 1: Meriah you 'alls', 'menggelupur' perkataan tajam.
M: Haha. Tandanya poyo kerana setia dengan sekolah biasa-biasa sampai tamat SPM. (Padahal pernah rasa hina kerana tidak mohon SBP dan yang sejenis dengannya. M, THAT'S SO SHALLOW.)

Dengar kata, kalau KISAS ambil peperiksaan seumpama itu semasa tingkatan 5, bukan? Jika negeri lain, tak pasti pula. Aku ingat lagi. Aku dapat pangkat jaiyid jiddan sahaja. Aku sememangnya lemah bahasa Arab. SMA sinonim dengan kitab-kitab bersaiz separuh kertas A4, berketebalan tak sampai 1cm rasanya. Apalah kalau nak dibandingkan dengan sukatan pelajaran yang ada dalam kitab-kitab STAM. Apatah lagi nak dibandingkan dengan ilmu yang terlalu luas atas muka bumi ni.

Insya Allah esok nak cuba hubungi Adik.. Kau tahu, peperiksaan UPSR dan PMR... dua-dua didahului dengan berjumpa doktor pada malam sebelum hari pertama peperiksaan. Stres punya pasal, sakit gastrik. Itu fenomena semula jadi badan Adik. Tapi, alhamdulillah, UPSR 5A manakala PMR 8A 1B. That's my brother. Okay lah tu. Tak kira apa pun keputusannya, beliaulah terbaik.

"Kak, kau ni memang suka ambil risiko kan?" (Adik)

Sebab itu aku tak pernah kena gastritis kerana stres. Haha. Paling ganas pun menangis. Itu refleks semula jadi aku. Yeah.

Amoi 2: Lepas itu telah buat riak wajah seorang mamat bertukar cuak.
M: Nasiblah.

Itulah nak telefon kalau-kalau boleh bantu beliau bertenang. Jika tahun ni malam-malam buta jumpa doktor juga, nak buat macam mana. Its the nature. Hee. Yang penting aku tahu, Mak dah siap sedia!

p/s: Aku nak jadi hebat juga macam senior-senior itu.

Your Luck in Canada

2011-10-18T20:07:00.000+02:00

You're full of surprises and could be addictive. Obviously, to certain people who dare.
You and Canada. Come on, I know you. You do things that benefit infinitely. You can slave people whenever you want to. You're not a decent traveler.

"Why ASAP?"
"It's monthly basis. I want to go to the casino."
"I thought only old people go there."
"Haha. People with sharp Maths skills like me also counts."

I was confirmed about one thing that happened to you. Now, it would take a long ride before I can assure the BIGGER issue. I'll confirm one day.

p/s: Why I did even care and dare to think of altering your lifestyle?

Old and Unspotted

2011-10-04T17:24:00.002+02:00

Subjek-subjek di bawah ini sungguh menarik!

Pharmacology
Pathology
Parasitology

Akan datang:-

Histopathology (esok)
Microbiology (mula minggu depan)

InsyaAllah, menarik juga hendaknya.
Namun, hati masih muram.

2 Oktober 2011, KLIA. Ingin sahaja aku ulang kata-kata,

"Kenapa bertemu untuk berpisah?"
(Filem 'Sepi')

Mode balik dari Malaysia, biasalah. Sayu. Tajuk Pelajar Perubatan Tahun Tiga buat aku rasa seram. Nak jadi attention seeker pun tak ada mood. Apatah lagi nak buat ucapan ringkas saat-saat akhir. Hehe. Tahniah buat pelajar Malaysia yang berucap tadi.

"It's not about the building." Cuba teka ayat siapa? Huhu. Sampai seorang ahli beit dapat inspirasi.

p/s: terkenang macam-macam.

Teach Yourself Humanity

2011-09-20T19:36:00.001+02:00

Mengajar atau menjadi guru bukan satu kerjaya mudah . Bukan juga profesion remeh yang boleh diperlekeh-lekehkan. Silap-silap, mereka yang pilih institusi perguruan sebagai pilihan terakhir kerjaya hidup bakal melahirkan tenaga kerja yang berprinsip makan gaji. Dan aku bakal jadi orang berasa bersalah kerana tak berjaya betulkan keadaan dengan mengikut naluri kanak-kanak aku.

Sekolah Rendah

Cita-cita?

Cikgu!

Zaman kanak-kanak yang penuh kepastian. Semakin terdedah kepada kebenaran, hati semakin dihasut oleh was-was. Eh, tak perlu gusar... Tidaklah aku sedang memilih jalan yang tidak aku gemar. Malahan, aku telah mencabar diri aku pada saat aku klik pilihan ini melalui JPA.

Sasaran tertinggi aku setakat ni, jadi seorang yang hebat dan kemudian kerjaya pensyarah rebutan. Kemain engko...! Konsepnya mengajar juga, bukan? Only the pathway IS LONGER. Tahun 2009 tahun pengharapan. Dah puas kena maki hamun (atau apa-apa yang menguji mental) nanti, nak tengok lebat lagi tak target kau tu. Eh, betulkah penggunaan slanga ‘lebat’ ni? Hehe. Semacam saja.

Amoi 1: Tahukah anda, Suharto ialah antara pemimpin yang pandai berpidato.

M: Saya ada baca itu.

Sekolah Menengah

Cita-cita?

Doktor!

Selang beberapa pelajar, HN jawab pula, “Cikgu!” How sweet and decent! Nasib baik aku ada dendam sedikit semasa tingkatan 2. Kalau tak, mungkin aku boleh admire kau sikit-sikit. Tui, tui, tui! Kengkonon buat ludah yang sikit-sikit kengkonon comel. Tahu tahu beliau memilih bidang kedoktoran di Tanta... Haa... Begitulah ceritanya beliau memang nak tiru aku ambil medics di Mesir... Tengok, aku tak malu mengaku yang aku perlukan dos kepujian palsu minggu ni.HambarHambarHambar

Dalam Buletin Utama bertarikh 20/9/2011 aku dengar ada cikgu kurung murid lemah akademik untuk halang mereka menduduki UPSR. Memang binatang! Sedih! Kerjaya mulia itu serta merta tercalit dengan tahi mentaliti hodoh mereka yang berkenaan. Ada apa dengan graf? Graf, graf, graf... Ada apa dengan graf?!!! Fasal sekolah berorientasi peperiksaan itu cerita lain. Kes ini namanya menyekat hak orang yang berhak.

Mak selaku guru berpengalaman cakap, “Alah, cikgu tu paling tidak pun kena tukar (ke sekolah lain)...” Sinis.

p/s : Berbaloikah Toshiba Portege T210-1026R yang Harvey Norman DotDotDot katanya susah nak dapat pembekal ni? Tawakal, moga segalanya bermanfaat. Engkau tahu, tempoh hari si Encik O, the salesman nak offer aku display punya. Ada ka patut...

Scrap That

2011-09-17T03:35:00.001+02:00

Yesterday the PC guy said my 'baby' will be sent to the Samsung manufacturer or whatever they call a place for accidentally-stepped-on external hard disk. Luckily the step was light and as soon as I realised the terror, I wept hysterically and did one of the stages of loss. It is called, 'projection'. By definition, blaming others because I was not always resistant to loss. I shall name the consequence of such situation as the reborn of an amnesiac external hard disk. Poor baby!

All my course notes for people of next generation, pictures of moments, songs collection, videos and who-knows-else can never be saved but that is not the main reason I broke out.

Mostly, I cry out of my own stupidity. Kan lebih bijak kalau aku letak si nipis tu ke tepi sedikit... Itulah, bak kata Mak yang marah aku kerana cipta hobi menyalahkan manusia lain, "Benda dah jadi..." Lepas tu aku buat muncung macam budak gedik terencat.

The only thing which I put into back up file is 'Diary for M's Children' even though I didn't update that copy. Haha. I sound like a granny already. It just popped into my mind, inspired by a senior who was given the chance to read her mother's writings then felt touched at the end. Not that I want my child to cry for me or adore me. It's just that, what if I make a full guidebook-like diary? What to do if you gotta cook, packing for college student holidays or if you hate someone (this is MAJOR issue, GIRLS)... Yeah, those sort of things. I used the humble Microsoft Office OneNote 2007 application.

Right... These days I'm thinking about 'My Future Wedding Scrapbook" project. Sedangkan projek sedia ada semacam hangat-hangat tahi ayam. Don't worry M, that I confirm won't exist. MALAS MENAIP, TAU TAK??? Ececeh capital letters konon marah.

Amoi 2: Dah jangan nak melarat.

M: Entah, nak mula merepek macam orang meroyan pulak... Eee, meroyan? Mintak jauh (gaya Datin Sally)...

p/s: Progress of back-to-school shopping gone through slow flow. Tension I tau, sebab rambang mata di kedai Harvey Norman hari tu.

Amoi 1: Trauma lettew...

M: Supertrauma.

Jump

2011-09-09T16:41:00.000+02:00

Perasaan itu datang semula. Perasaan tak punyai kawan.

Perenggan baru bermula. Pengecualian kepada baris si atas. Lets give a nice shot from the above issue. Here we go...

That was a time-out. Definitely He who pulled me from the ring of life. Just a temporary break so that I can use my head well again. A time-out which made me thinking. As if He poked me gently saying, "M, do you know I always there, be you asleep, be you astraying yourself from Me?" Alhamdulillah, I am still a human not beast-headed. I'm consoling my heart to accept this as only an extraordinary silence instead of loneliness.

Perenggan penamat. Berbentuk video selingan kerana post ni nampak kurang gemuk. Ya, aku benci kegemukan tapi yang ni tak boleh kurus. Aku tak kira kau pandai cakap 'omputih' ke tak, kau cuba fahamkan jugak kata-kata yang dinyanyikan ni.

p/s: The pinkness seduced me and you are indeed, SALTY! Oh Cincaluk...

Monologue Play

2011-08-22T21:25:00.000+02:00

If I’m given an antagonist part, I would love to play a script like below:-

I am still unpopular.

And people still being lame and stupid but I still like them for my benefits.

Scheming. You are used to that aren’t you darling? It is what we have in common, making full use of descent people. May their values remain, for us?

My gossiping partner is leaving to the ‘I nation’ this spring. I guess I almost have none. Not even you, my love.

Let’s say I have boxes of lovers, you’ll be in the Bad Box.

I love you but your bad colours.

Your body and soul perhaps too far. Your name rings in my head. As I held your hands in my dream, I hoped we get into being good people. Let us live nobly, forever. My eyes say, "Say yes, say yes my dear!"

I woke up remembering the same old you. What a nightmare now.

Still, flame of hope burns fiercely.

Then the stage darkens as lights are off, THE END. Closing the stage curtain...

Tadaa... TOTAL randomness.

p/s: Perhaps there are real lines amongst above words?

Discovery in Malaysia

2011-08-17T18:17:00.000+02:00

Tempoh hari, aku lihat objek-objek itu terpamer supaya terjual. Colikah itu? Tapi kenapa jual sebegitu? Eww... Itu objek apa? Tungku pemanas bagi si ibu berpantang mungkin?

Hari ini kami temankan Adik selesaikan persalinan lebaran beliau. Ada lagi. Apa tu? Aneh. Hari ni pula ia di mana-mana. Aku buat kira-kira. Aku uji kaitan ia dgn tudung-tudung pelbagai rekaan yg terpamer sama. Ahh! Mmg intim hubungan kedua-dua jenis objek ini. Aku rasa tepat tekaanku tanpa rujukan.

Itukah benjolan bonus yg menjadi kegilaan hari ini?

Amoi: Ya...
M: Penemuan

Oh, inilah yg jadi kepala tambahan wanita naif zaman ini... Oh...

Balik dari mendapatkan rawatan utk komputer riba, "Eh, bukan warna hitam sahaja. Bahkan merah jambu pun ada!" Memuktamadkan jawapan. Ishh... tak ambil gambar pula. Tapi aku betul-betul yakin itulah dia... Haha bunyi macam jakun.

Inilah, unsur penipuan dlm berpakaian. Pernah aku terjumpa blog seorang blogger yg berani menegur sang penjual sanggul palsu ini. Mabruk! Susah nak jumpa semangat macam itu hari ni! Oh malu dgn diri sendiri pula. Tiada tindakan dari aku petang tadi. Kakak-kakak sekalian, aku cadangkan tak payah pakai tu. Dah cantik dah. Tak perlu kot ambil risiko (dosa), susah-susah nak ikat sanggul palsu lagi. Betul, tak tipu, dah cantik dah tu...

Nak buat macam mana, ada permintaan, adalah pemasaran berjalan. Macam apa yg berlaku ttg tudung syria... Mak cakap, "Penjual tu cakap kalau jual saiz L tak laku la... Yg Mak beli ni (saiz L) pun betul2 tinggal tiga je." Haihh. Aku tak gemar 'tudung awning'.

p/s: pasal Perjumpaan Kawan-kawan, aku ikut flow lah.

Yet I am Still Thin and Shiny

2011-08-07T10:37:00.001+02:00

Some familiar dialogues...

"Hmm... National Geography 1981? Eee, bau macam air liur basi!"

M: The kind of teasing I rejoice. Wee

"Kenapa, makan (ikan bakar) dengan tu (sos cili)?"

"Orang (aku) kan orang bandar... Daa..."

M: ???

"Uii, bangun... Dah solat Asar ke belum ni?"

"Warghhh (menguap)... Eh, kenapa kau ada kat sini?"

M: Ok that's the most annoying response. Haha.

Those above means I'm home, Malaysia and I'm with my Adik.

p/s: Unfortunately, to the contrast of the above blood ties harmony, kawan lama semacam tak pedulikan aku. Bila kau fikir dia tiada masa berinteraksi dgn kau, tiba2 wall dia penuh dgn interaksi bersama kawan2 IB dia. That's enough already for people to have bad thoughts. Itulah aku dah ckp pada kwn2 Mesir, aku balik Malaysia pun bukan ada kawan dah. Jadi bukan 100% salah aku, kalau aku bersangka buruk pada kau sekarang ni. Next time we meet (as if you're looking forward for that!), perhaps I'll just make fake smile. Jealous dgn kwn2 yg kwn sekolah dia masih rajin buzz. >>>mode: unsatisfied and I'm NOT a FREAK.

Summer Heat Grace

2011-07-27T18:22:00.001+02:00

I think I'm enjoying this summer heat.

Pagi yg indah, gadis berbaju kurung berjalan-jalan nak beli ayam. Pakcik kedai buat lawak hambar tapi masih mampu buat aku ketawa. Post ni bakal jadi post yg trillion membosankan dari post-post sebelumnya. Sebab aku mulakan perenggan dgn gambaran rutin. Thus, I'll pick one subject out of the cliche to get into the focus.

Baju kurung.

Aku pernah keluarkan kenyataan, kalaulah ini boleh dinamakan sebagai hasil senibina, aku akan kata inilah antara hasil seni bina yg cemerlang lagi praktikal. Sebelum terbang buat kali pertama ke Bumi Anbiya' ni, ku sangkakan baju kurung sudah tak relevan lagi. Aku beli jubah ketiga aku. Sedihnya kerana suatu hari aku salah bajet panas seterika, ohh hampir x dpt diselamatkan. But hey! It's still wearable...! Nada gedik.

Tahukah anda, nak2 waktu musim panas atau dlm cuaca negara beriklim hutan hujan khatulistiwa (tolong faham, aku dah lama tak kaji geografi), baju kurung sgt praktikal. Pengudaraan, pergerakan semuanya cantik. Tapi common sense la, musim panas ni kalau kau buat baju kurung pakai kain baldu atau kain yg buat winter coat tu, confirm la kau keji baju ni.

Pesak, pada bahagian lengan baju mmg banyak dah menyumbang keselesaan. Aku bayangkan, bolehkah kalau kita buat pesak pada jubah? Entah. Takut jadi pelik pula. Haih. yang pelik2 shj kau fikir M...

Amoi 1: Yang pelik2 itulah asas rekaan juga tau!

M: (smiling) Nak2 sekarang ni mcm2 tak mustahil.

Kalau kawan yg kenal M nak ckp, "Tiba2 je." dah kena dah tu pada tempatnya. Org lain tgh mood lain, tiba2 cerita baju kurung. Apalah. Lantak, malas nak delete dan edit. Heh.

Amoi 2: Op, opp... Sekarang kan summer, sesuai lah tu. Tadaa.

M: mode gadis melayu. Tetibe.

Itulah, tak sangka aku masih relevan baju kurung, di negara org pula. Masa sekolah2 dulu aku memang prejudis sikit pada baju kurung. Dulu prinsip aku, seminimanya aku akan pakai baju kurung. Hanya sesuai utk ke majlis kenduri, hari raya dan seumpama dengannya. Mujur warga Mesir ni terbuka bab fesyen. Tak pandang pelik. Atau adakah dah biasa tgk org2 Malaysia berlegar2 di tanah air mereka? Tak tahu.

Cerita ttg baju kurung, mestilah sinonim dgn hari raya kan, kan kan... Huhu. Eh, tapi ingat... rebutlah keuntungan yg ditawarkan dlm bulan Ramadhan yg bakal menjelma ni. Itu nikmat lebih tak tergambar. Carilah keberkatan Ramadhan. Setahun hanya sekali. Org kata Ramadhan di Mesir meriah. Aku belum merasa genap Ramadhan di sini. Tak tahulah kalau2 ada tahun yg Allah takdirkan Ramadhan aku di sini. I'll be ready for that, insya Allah.

p/s: "Awak balik (Malaysia) sorang2 ke dgn 'kawan' tu?" tanya Kak NM

"Eh, eh... mana ada 'kawan'," jawab aku, pehal aku rasa mcm org kantoi lak ni? Seriously tak ada 'kawan' lagi. Haihh. Kot ye pun nak bergurau. Senior kesayanganku buat cuak je malam2 balik dari kelas tafsir Surah al-Furqan. Haihh. (mengeluh sekali lagi pasal belum ada 'kawan' kah? Haha.)

Moon

2011-07-15T22:52:00.000+02:00

Estrogen has water retaining function, right?

If so, think I'm in an estrogen rush. Felt drained. The summer heat sucked my blood. Mmg elok benar kegarangan bahang tu datang masa betul2 nak habis exam. Syukur. Mmg 'elok' benar, campur bulan penuh lagi. Aku menangis semalaman sampai tertidur dek aku tersedar bhw aku dah hilang beberapa markah yg aku pun tak mahu tahu kuantitinya melalui kesilapan dlm satu anak soalan ni. Kertas Psychology pula tu. Mmg naik menggila. Terutamanya bila kau anak seorang kaunselor yg ambil juga subjek Psychology masa muda2 dekat U dulu.

Ujian oh ujian. Ke mari kau.

Sekuat-kuat tenaga aku perah air mata, kuat lagi Fatin Fasihah binti Hanafi. Di sini aku rasa penting utk aku kreditkan nama beliau atas sbb semangat yg telah aku nampak. Reaksi? Ada juga dlm kalangan Gen 09 akhawat dirundung rasa bersalah. Apa yg lebih penting, doa yg tak berputusan. Moga Allah permudahkan segalanya. Aku ambil pengajaran melalui semangat beliau. Ironinya, tinggal kertas Psychology shj yg beliau tak sempat ambil. Ya, kertas yg aku melalak dlm senyap dek krn satu soalan tu. Bukan salah bulan mengambang penuh kot. Haih. Aku kan ada sindrom perfectionist.

Ttg balik Malaysia ni, separuh dari diri aku malas. Malas packing, tarik beg, beratur menghadap kakitangan imigresen, malas balik semula Egypt, malas malas malas. Haha. Suku lagi berdebar manakala yg selebihnya tak sabar2.

p/s: jealous pd ikhwah dan BBQ mereka

M's Straight Head

2011-06-30T02:04:00.002+02:00

Because of this one person I never meet but so friendly, I made one short post to break down the silence of this humble blog. Mari layan M berpoyo-poyoan.

To begin with, let us recall one word, 'gratefulness'. I hope my beloved friends never forget to pray Allah put them amongst the grateful ones. Yes, sometimes by passion, we accidentally forgotten what we already have for dreams we have not yet accomplish. It is definitely not wrong to dream for the the highest, but should not forget what is still left with us. Feeling unsatisfied is a nature. Just do not let it eat you alive. Think about the remaining energy, loved ones and whatever arranged meticulously by the All-Wise we still have.

That was what I learnt throughout my inferiority tangle. I know I am nobody since years ago. Thinking too much about what we don't have is wasteful. I realize there isn't much talent I can contribute compared to those I officially call as the GPs but I learnt 'gratefulness'. I still have something especially the faith, believing there is none but One. My marks are average and with ups and downs. Still, I believe Him. I am grateful. Hope this lasts 'till the last breath. If I break down, I know there are concerning people who send messages or wake me up back on track.

I want to remind that beyond praying for excellent achievements, should not forget to pray to be among the grateful ones, istiqamah and have the faith preserved.

Enough with the exams drama, I also want to remind that apart from praying for my exams results, do pray for a new laptop for me okay! Haha. And my Europe Tour vacation chance which has not yet come. Huh. Whatever.

p/s: It is too, an essay drilling. Imagining about extensive English classes other than Arabic. Need to uplift my language. I repeat, IMAGINING. Kih3

Is Not Important

2011-05-06T15:51:00.000+02:00

Debaran musim peperiksaan sgt terasa. Adrenalin tak surut2.

"Jgn rapat sgt berkawan, nanti kecewa."

Kerana insan yg mengungkap kata2 inilah aku balik Malaysia. Lebih penting, kerana Allah.
Tiba-tiba terngiang-ngiang kata2 ni sampai bila menjenguk pic AM di FB, hati ini terdetik, "Muka bapak innocent, muka ni lah yg pernah tuduh aku perampas dan sebarkan kenyataan tak berasas tu pd seorang kawan baik yg diragui kebaikannya. Hampeh nak mati, tah apa2 tah, budak2 betul bla bla bla". Berbalik kpd kata2 di atas tadi dan kewarasan akal, ada betul dan ada kurang tepatnya di situ. Cuma, itu bukan tajuk utamanya.

Ambang tahun dua ni lebih mendebarkan dari tahun lepas. Sudahlah macam2 nak kena urus musim panas ni. Laptopku buatku menggila. Aku ni antara golongan yg terdesak dan inferior. Sebab? Tak payah ceritalah. Macam2. Aiyaa. Serabut.

Rasa ~~mala~~s berat balik kampung halaman. Apa agaknya yang boleh dibuat motivasi utk balik Malaysia ya? Hmm.

p/s: lemah

Box of Humaira'

2011-04-08T01:24:00.000+02:00

This is a busy month. In two swings of guilt but cannot do anything but focusing the main tasks. For those who know management well, please contribute something into Medicophilic Month. A girl with self-management and emotions issue stepped out. Well, technically not ‘stepped out’ but ‘taken rest’ until she cope well. She almost swears not to come back to Malaysia until a ‘mumtaz’ comes into the Exam Result Sheets. This year, insya Allah, M plans to stand in the heat of summer.

“Masuk r public speaking”

“Yelah.”

Days later, it analysed the becoming track of the contest.

[[[[[[analyzing]]]]]] ’IMPROMPTU part’.

Sarcastically splendid. Aiyaa. The brain did not prepare for this.

It set a monologue, “Huargh! Need an instructor, or my high school English & EST teacher. Need triple meticulous master plan.” It turned insanely anxious, naturally. It cancelled to participate. Paranoid si paranoid.

One day,

“Ko mmg dah biasa ye public speaking ni?”

It made a clear statement, “I’ve been in speech competition, not public speaking.” Shall I be specific? Shh, it was called ‘Syarahan Agama’ back in old days, during G Project era. Even if there were more bites for G Project, I still prayed back then, may my words hit me back at least for a small percent. Till now, I hope the forces bloom continuously. Hardly to admit, it fell and rose uncountable times. These competitions bring up memories. Nah, the most important thing is that many things happened too. Especially when I, err… How am I going to reveal this, that…

I accidentally exterminate the whole cooking video. For the second time, I brought disaster by my fingers on laptop. The first was when I exit the window after one fellow patiently downloaded a drama/video/whatever the thing is. Now this one’s a bigger problem. Couldn’t forgive myself and promised not to touch anyone’s work when no one to watch after. It’s a big lesson. Be a wise helper. Do more IQ and ‘common sense’ exercises. Yeah, boo.

Amoi 1: That’s what we call a BIGBIGBIG aiyo, tatayo…

M: Hmm.

It all settled as 8^th of April is the food presentation day. Obviously, I am in the responsibility to present the Beit Humaira’s cook of love and friendship. Cewah. Tak tidurlah mlm ni si penghias kek. Good luck, guys. Allah will reward you for such patience.

Anyways, in the end the folks got, “Patience is Virtue”

and

I got, “Haste makes Waste”. AGAIN.

Everyday I Check on You

2011-03-28T21:32:00.001+02:00

Perfectionist I was, perfect is an impossible word. Semua org ada konflik masing2. Cara aku susun penyangkut baju ikut susunan warna pun boleh gambarkan situasi aku sekarang. Bayangkan kalau aku nampak penyangkut biru celah2 deretan penyangkut merah jambu, tekanan darah mampu melangit.

The feeling of, "What the heck". Must learn adapting the unexpected. I must learn. Cukuplah M! Sejak mula kekacauan di Mesir sehingga sekarang, aku 'apathetic'. Lapar tapi tiada selera. Dah pagi tapi tiada mahu bangun. Banyak senyum paksa daripada rela. Apa-apalah. M cuma boleh katakan, "My winter break RUINED." The only period I can heal and boom! It taken every piece.

Amoi 1: Patience is Virtue.

M: Thanks. Not like some other people, lagi kau nak tambahkan kerunsingan aku bila aku cuba sedapkan hati sendiri. Whatever, you didn't even notice.

Maksudnya, rasa tak puas hati masih membeku. Tak cair2. Masalah aku. Boleh melihat tapi tak boleh bersuara. Semuanya nampak senyap. Mereka bersahut-sahutan dan gelak2 sampai tahap 'akhir dunia'. Aku tengok lagi. Tak kosong tapi tak ada tona. Rutin tak ada seri semangat. Moga segalanya segera sembuh. Biasalah, ini proses.

Amoi 2: REMINDER= You left R way for a better R. You left G project because you want to love THE G.

M: Thanks. Easier said than done. I'm trying.

p/s: Sorry I didn't even try to save you earlier. I can see you but I can't talk.

Back to Work

2011-03-08T09:26:00.000+02:00

Sudahlah terlebih dos tidur, dpt pula SMS dari Naqiyan yg kami antara pelajar yg balik 9 Mac 2011 ke Mesir. Ini perancangan aku:

Listing
Packing
Buying
Packing
Go to KLIA
Depart to Egypt
Arrive at Egypt

Apa yg menarik perhatian aku ialah kenyataan Atiqah Tahir dlm komen satu status di FB, "JPA wat scara on-call"... Mmg betul-betul mcm on-call. Kiranya kami mesti kembali BEKERJA mulai esok. Jadi bolehlah tu utk dibandingkan on-call yg merujuk kpd on-call kpd sang doktor. Esok pun kena berada di KLIA pukul 12 am. Mmg on-call. Silap2 aku tidur 1 jam mcm mana mlm sebelum pergi BTN di Nilai krn nak siapkan mcm2, expecting JPA will do something like this, which is the unexpected flight. And now, I was right, JPA is full of surprises.

Aku sukakan 'on-call' ni. Suka dalam tak suka. Bila lagi kan nak merasa mcm mana ahli perniagaan atau siapa2 yg mesti naik penerbangan pada tarikh tak dirancang... Bila lagi? Haha. Ada sedikit untungnya kawan2 JPA yg balik 10 Mac. LUCKY YOU... Baiklah kawan-kawan, seperti biasa, kita yg berpegang kpd prinsip 'expect and prepare for the worst', marilah kita siap-siapkan mental dan fizikal utk jadual kita yg sgt padat di Cairo nanti ya...! Tunggu di sana...!

p/s: semalam ujian indeks personaliti menunjukkan aku seorang yg seimbang antara Ekstroversion & Introversion, lebih Intuitive drpd Sensing, lebih Thinking drpd Feeling dan lebih Judging drpd perception. Tadaa.

It will be Between Us

2011-02-26T03:52:00.000+02:00

Days before, I received official invitation by the moderator of our Gen 9 blog. Realizing the responsibilities present there, I'm too sorry that I haven't any suitable ideas for such modest site. Eleh, alasan terlebih.

But hey, I really had this trauma, about one essay not long ago. Soon, I just can't publicize any articles nor essays. That critique, that 'syok sendiri' phrase. Okay whatever. It's trauma enough and full stop.

Who are 'us' meant in the topic anyways? The full topic should be, It will be Between Us: Me, My 'Amal, Munkar, Nakir and Allah knows best.

source: http://www.liriklagu.info/

Nyanyian Sepi

by Opick

Langit bumi jadi saksi setiap detik yang berlalu
Hitam putih gelap terang di alam dunia
Semua wajah kan diuji dengan sesuatu yang dicintai
Harta benda dan segalanya semua kan binasa

Reff:
Tinggallah namamu tinggalkan cintamu
Tinggalkan segala yang dipunya di atas dunia
Hanyalah dirimu hanyalah amalmu
Hanyalah sepimu menemani kesunyian di alam kuburmu

Tiada bisa manusia mengulur sang waktu
Bila tiba masa datang maut menjemputmu
Semua yang di mata semua yang cinta
Semua yang dibangga akan hilang akan sirna

Back to Reff

Barang siapa mengerjakan perbuatan jahat
Maka dia tidak akan di balas melainkan sebanding dengan kejahatan itu
Dan barang siapa mengerjakan amal yang soleh baik laki-laki maupun perempuan
Sedang ia dalam keadaan beriman maka mereka akan masuk surga
Mereka diberi rizki di dalamnya tanpa hisab

Tinggallah namamu tinggalkan cintamu
Tinggalkan segala yang di punya di atas dunia
Hanyalah dirimu hanyalah amalmu
Hanyalah sepimu menemani kesunyian

Back to Reff

There are days we have to deal ourselves. No one can help but us. We had to continue the journey at our own risks. Sometimes the word 'alone' or 'sepi' popped in when there's no one to talk to. I guess, there is worse 'loneliness' than the world's loneliness right? And there is better company for those filling their years in the sake of Allah...?

I fell in love with one nasyeed entitled 'Nyanyian Sepi' by Opick. About songs, I really take seriously the music arrangement, vocals and lyrics. This one is one that brings itself to my heart. Just minimum units of instruments always do the trick.

Nasyeeds would be even better without music, original and afdhal. Some people tried to make it contemporary but it didn't work but this one worked. Like I said, music arrangement, vocals and lyrics. All about balance in any masterpiece. Although you're writing short stories or novels, you put conflicts but still there's balance in it even it is without clear ending. Oh yeah, that statement needs very much of clarifications.

I don't talk as a professional composer or any music experts, I am talking now, as a consumer who likes simplicity, originality and cleanliness in any art works. Okay this one is turning into a babble. I'll stop now. Haha.

p/s: I watched again the 'Sepi' movie that day. Before of after this nasyeed? I don't know. heh.

Semakin Berat

2011-02-19T11:52:00.000+02:00

Mesir: Pengajian Pelajar Mungkin diteruskan di Malaysia

Semakin lama, semakin 'hijrah' ini berat rasanya. Ini sememangnya hijrah yg berat bagiku, iaitu hijrah balik ke tanah air sendiri. Telah ku niatkan sejak aku klik borang maya tu, aku akan rehab diriku di sana & sempurnakan impian seorang insan yg 'menangis' bertahun-tahun lamanya. Adakah ini tandanya Allah sedang menguji aku? Sekarang aku tgk diriku. Aku tak 'siap' lagi. Dadaku terasa berat. Sedih bila dpt tahu kemungkinan besar yg kami terpaksa teruskan pngajian di sini.

Aku masih mengharap. Berdoa.

Bukan bermaksud aku benci atau tak pandang pengajian di sini. Cuma aku dah plan mcm2 dan aku dah sgt serasi belajar di sana. Ni masa depan aku. Ni impian Mak juga, sempurnakan pengajian di Mesir. Sudahlah semalam aku terbaca ttg betapa ramainya graduan perubatan sekarang ni. Tenaga pengajar berkebolehan pula kurang. Dlm otak aku, "MANA AGAKNYA KAU NAK CAMPAK KITORANG???"

Aku tahu mungkin kedengaran kurang praktikal dlm waktu sekarang, tapi aku ulang, aku betul2 nak sambung di sana. Kalaulah tiada jln dan kami terpaksa juga kuatkan iman duduk di sini, moga2 jgnlah kami dicampak secara CINCAI BONCAI saja. Secara logiknya, sedangkan student yg mendaftar di IPTA pun beresak2 nak dptkn tempat, inikan pula kami. Takkanlah planning mcm tu boleh terlengkap dlm setahun. Jadi adakah kami terpaksa menumpang di beberapa dewan kuliah? Adakah kami akan dipisahkan, diselitkan bersama pelajar asal (Okay that's the worst scenario I expect)?

Kemudian ura2 nak import lecturer sana. Have we prepared for the cost? What about books and system? Can you manage us well? Note, Egypt U system is not same like here. Jadi bagi aku ini satu kerja rumit, tak boleh cincai2. Ini mcm hampir sama dgn membuka cawangan universiti2 di Mesir. Aku tak tahu ttg system pengajian Islam tapi apa yg aku tahu, aku pilih bidang ni bukan mcm belajar masak2 di rumah. I'm serious. Tiada kata putus muktamad tapi aku tak mahu jadi sebahagian rakyat yg pernah terkena bahana CINCAI BONCAI di Malaysia ni. Moga2 mrk yg di atas sana cukup bijak utk buat benda yg bijak. Anda mesti faham maksud M bukan?

p/s: menangis

Library

2011-02-10T18:29:00.001+02:00

I need to go to a library 'NOW'!

I was too busy entertaining my emotion, I switched my phone reminder off. HEY! That's the reminder of Biochemistry assignment I was ignoring. What was it with M?

Then I became rude. As usual when I'm tension, I tell people to shut up because I was struggling to think straight. Even if they were just trying to give suggestions to help me. Well, I have my own reasons. I just need to calm down first. My weakness. My ego. Huh. And now I made someone I love hurt. Arghh...! I just can't help it when,

I don't know how am I suppose to submit the assignment, being far from Cairo University. I don't have any emails of whom responsible to keep our Biochemistry assignment and suddenly someone tells me,

"Email kat pensyarah la..."
I replied, "I tak ada email tu sekarang"

then
"Cuba tanya kawan..."
I didn't reply. My mistake but I was doing what was suggested.

then
"Lecturer ada FB tak...?"
I didn't reply. Another mistake. I angrily thought the FB idea was a little bit lame. I don't know why.

then
"Takkan dia tak ada FB..."
then I told it to shut up and at the end of the sentence to make it understand, "...org tgh pening ni..."

Too many words make M dizzy ESPECIALLY when the adrenaline level has not been stabled YET. I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE RUDE.

All that I recall now is that there's one email I've jotted down and how 'lucky', I wrote the email address in my Biochemistry textbook which I LEFT IN EGYPT!!!

And now, thanks, YOU made me feel guilty. I hope YOU understand me very much. Aduh... Tension bertambah.

p/s: don't ever try to figure out who's 'it'. And it's not BF.

With Grace

2010-12-05T19:54:00.002+02:00

Congrats. because of my mouth, I scratched someone's reputation. I spoiled one's mood yesterday. My responsibility. It's a huge deal. I just wanted to fix things so badly. Am I not to work with people because of bad soft skills? Does this proved I can't actually talk well? Am I worthless to be given responsibility? I was in the authority to talk, to answer questions born by absence. Hmm... S S S Spoiled.

Checking. Checked!

Wallahua'lam. I believe yesterday was an obvious lesson.

"Fein fulanah?"

"Heya fi... err... fil fasl ghair"

-teet... can't get what M said, teet... ERROR ERROR COMPUTER CAN'T READ-

(deci-silence+various forms of ''Err... err...'')

"Heya ....(something2 I didn't remember)...khalis?" the elder said.

Nodding, nodding... Aduh, apa benda punya bahasa Arab aku goreng tu...

Yeah, nod you clumsy talker.Balik rumah cuak terus. Konon nak confess pd tuan badan terlibat. Porrah. Padan muka.

Then I knew it. The noise. The noise of being upset or what the Malay called, 'terasa'. Older hearts are more sensitive.

The tense air at Dott Dott Dott. The unanswered "Ma'assalamah...". The act to stare at the mobile phone. My fault. My bad and my bad Arabic. Now I asked, am I belong here, to actually use my sluggish Arabic? Arghh. Peopple will say their kind lines such as, "Lain kali jgn salah ckp lagi kalau mcm tu..."

I see my stupidity because of this menace. I felt sinful all along yesterday. To be wiser, I should say, "mumkin enta tasAl fulanah binafsik?" Bijak tak bijak? It's more proper to listen the truth from whom deserve to explain, than to hear from other mouth (mine). Maybe it's destined by Allah for those words not to come out. Only He the All Knowing knows. C C C Clumsy M.

Teringat satu peristiwa, melibatkan cikgu EST aku. Ohh lamanya tidak berhubung...

Tak wajib pun ambil kertas EST tu dlm exam.Mungkin inilah yg dinamakan,

"el-Adab muqaddimu et-tibaa':>>> tarjim sendiri lah. Betulkan kalau ada silap taip.

Selama aku hidup, tak tahu pula ada cikgu yg terasa kalau murid tu tak beritahu kalau murid tu gugurkan subjek yg cikgu tu ajar dari kertas SPM. Masa aku boleh nampak ramai jugalah yg semacam lose hope dgn EST. Padahal EST itulah yg bantu aku zahirkan idea dlm kertas Biology, Physics dan Chemistry dgn penuh sentimental dan artistik. Dan cikgu tu pun mengakhiri kata-kata (Sebenarnya ada lagi kata-kata yg beliau ckp) hari itu,

"Tak apalah kalau awak tak perlukan doa dan restu saya. Pandai-pandailah awak. It's all up to you..."

Cuba bayangkan, boleh jadi juga kan benda-benda mcm ni? Ingat boleh pandang rendah ke bab adab menuntut ilmu ni? Pesanan buat diri yg lemah dan utk semua, jgn ckp pasal isu-isu makro sampai berbasi-basi air liur tu kalau adab berguru dan menuntut ilmu tak ambil perhatian. Betul, tak boleh puaskan hati semua pihak. Maka aku tak hairan aku akn berhadapan lagi dgn situasi mcm tu. Cuma dialog lain je.Dialog Arab.

M, jgn banyak mkn organ dalaman, nanti kurang bijak mcm semalam.

Tips: jika anda mahu keluar / undur diri dari sesuatu institusi (terutamanya bab berguru), cakap pd guru tersebut. Teguran buat diri sendiri yg pernah senyap2 hilang sbb rahsia gelap terbongkar.Tapi tu cerita lain. Ceh.

Amoi 2: Bila mau confess? Haha M manyak takot. Boo.

Eidul Adha's

2010-11-19T00:05:00.001+02:00

Yeah, semua dah terbengkalai tidur. Ada feel sikit nak menaip mencurah perasaan. Aku tak penat lepas beit Humaira’s Open House for Eid Adha siang tadi sbb dah tertidur lepas Maghrib. Tahu2 ‘Kakak2 VVIP’ @ kakak2 sayang sampai. Mmg dah reserve makanan utk mrk. Huhu. Kedengaran suara2 sayup penuh ceria, tapi ambil beberapa ketika sebelum hilang mamai.

Post-mortem? Selaku ahli Beit Humaira’ (thn ni jawatan ketua rotate pd Siti Shahirah, harap maklum), mmg puas hati. Everything worked as planned. No need for plan B, all guests cooperated well by not to involve in any food preparation. Senang ckp tak ada yg kena susah2 tolong. Semua dah siap. We set up 2 simple rules today:-

No helping out in the kitchen

Please eat, eat, eat and eat! Bleez! Arghh!

I was so excited the night before, that I enjoyed smashing the rice for Nasi Impit till’ the adzan of Subh. And after Subh prayer, Zzzz… Konon excited sampai tak mengantuk.Konon! Ahahaha.

“Eh, dah 7.30 a.m.”

Tidur lagi.

Siti Shahirah dah membunyikan penyedut hampagas. Oh aku banyak tidur pulak. Kalaulah tak siap semua, menangis air mata darah aku. Nak2 sharp pukul 10 ada si fulanah dah terpacak depan pintu. Ehem! Huk3…

“Mmg dah set nk breakfast sini!”

Hati M ketuk,”Amboi kamu! Hehehe…”

Semalam, tugas aku ‘delayed’ beberapa jam disebabkan oleh kerak nasi yg degil sungguh. Aduh! Sakit jari masih terasa. Hampir tercabut kuku dek cuba mengopek kerak yg dah semacam mengakar dlm periuk tu. The feeling of missing my long nails (Amoi 1: Eww, M) passed by… Hee, nak kena rotan dgn Naqiyan ke apa? Rindu2 pulak tempat syaitan ‘bergayut’…

(Amoi 2: )

Hari yg sama, semua ahli usrah a.k.a. SC diberi homework utk perjumpaan akn dtg. Kasihan tgk kakak mentor yg sibuk. Harap kami boleh jadi tenaga pengerak terbaik. Kami penyokong setia! Cewah.

Khairunnisa si gadis mumtaz pernah berkata, “M sejak akhir2 ni ‘feelingless’ (kurang terserlah kecepatan tersentuh>>>actually, bdk menangis aku ni).”

“Oh ya?” M buat gaya bajet ala2 matured. Aiyaa.

Jadi ekspresi ‘feeling’ yg dimaksudkan tu pergi mana? Mari sini aku ckp, pergi ke sini:-

-Suasana meriah dgn ucapan2 penuh kasih dari para tetamu hari ni. Aura positif menyerap.

-Terharu dpt dgr bacaan hadith Kutub Sittah.

-Kata2 seorang kakak, “Kalau ilmu tu tak ‘serang’ akal (yakni tercetus kefahaman), dia masih boleh ‘serang’ hati>>>itulah benda yg aku cuba susun dlm bentuk kata2 bila aku bisik, “Suatu hari aku akn benar2 memahami’ ‘ayat2 indah’ ni”

-drama / filem tangkap leleh

dan yg sekutu dgnnya… Hakikatnya, aku masih seorang bdk kuat nangis. Malu. Cuma amount of lacrimal secretion berjaya dikurangkan setakat bertakung dekat mata je.

Harapan: dpt berkumpul mcm ni lagi walaupun ada yg tak dpt hadir… Dlm berkumpul tu juga,

PESANAN Super Senior: JGN LUPA doa dpt habis 6 thn di Mesir ni, jgn dok doa utk mumtaz je. Bumi Mesir ni pun kdg2 tak kuat nak kekalkan keamanan di atasnya… Entu ‘aarif?

p/s: sebarang cadangan amatlah dialu-alukan kalau2 ada rezeki kami nak open the house lagi. Insya Allah.Ngee

M is not for Materialistic

2010-11-05T12:46:00.000+02:00

Yes, alhamdulillah, akhirnya aku berjaya menghubungi Mak. Mcm biasalah, kalau org lain berkobar-kobar nak call parents, aku lak berkobar-kobar tapi berdebar. Aduh. Perasaan mcm ni pun ada kah? Jadi spt kebiasaannya, aku akan menjadi pendengar yg setia. Aku kirakan bhw aku ingin menjadi pendengar yg setia, bukan pengadu semata-mata.

Apa2 masalah, aku mesti cuba selesai sendiri, kalau dah selesai baru aku boleh beritahu Mak. Mak bercerita sakan tadi. Hari ni lain sedikit ku anggar krn tercampur dgn soal konflik keluarga. Mmg ku tak faham langsung perselisihan tu. Konflik apa? Tak relevan utk digarap di sini.

Oh, aku mesti tamatkan Tahun Kedua pengajian ni dgn sebaik-baiknya, aku tak nak delay lama2 sgt hajat Mak aku nak buat kombo 'umrah+visit the daughter trip'. Berkemungkinan kalau jadi, aku kena absent beberapa kuliah pertama Tahun Tiga. (Cuba utk tgk scalp sendiri bila terkenang topik hangat Anatomy, Head and Neck yg 'fuhh!')

Cuma aku harap, takkan ada perselisihan kami adik beradik tatkala usia menjelang matang nanti. Biar betul-betul matang. kalau tak, ada juga Mak yg membuka kalam cereka pada anaknya nanti. Dush3. Sampai sekarang tak tahu bagaimana boleh wujud tahap konflik sebegitu.Permulaan Tahun Dua lebih tenang dan tersusun. Masa Tahun Satu mmg terpinga-pinga yg banyak. Tahun ni, tgk adik muda setahun pula yg terpinga-pinga. Well, not that I really mean that. Whatever.

Ckp pasal Malaysia, aku mmg dah aim at least ada satu tahun yg aku tak balik Malaysia. Bukan apa, nak merasa kombo 'puasa+raya di Mesir' yg genap. Aku sedang mengintai-intai resepi. Ingatkan nak buat sesuatu, yg berkaitan dgn makanan dlm cuti ni. hari ni hari pertama cuti. Betapa nikmatnya dpt cuti setelah aku berjuang utk tidak mengantuk/terlelap terus dlm sebanyak kuliah yg mungkin. And now? Yippie!

Tapi kan, dlm hati ni tak tahu kenapa penat sgt mlm smlm. Lepas maghrib tertidur kejap. Naqiyan pun tak dpt dtg ceramah sempena Aidiladha ni, sekali lagi. Tak apalah ya, tahun depan cuba lagi. Ahakz.

Semalam fikiran aku termenung seketika, aku sedih bila teringat kata2 seorang sahabat ni (in this case, I hardly can call you sahabat that moment). Aku post di FB, kata2 yg ada perkataan materialisma. Mmg down sgt2 masa terfikir tu. sampai mengheret perihal Mesir, adakah aku dah salah pilih destinasi pengajian. Haha. Tak ada connection langsung hal sensitiviti yg satu tu dgn Mesir. M, M... Grow up. Di sini aku nak pesan,

"Setiap org lain-lain jln ceritanya. Aku sekarang belajar utk mendengar dan memahami. Kalau kau tak tahu kasut yg pada pandangan kau buruk tu sebenarnya nilai masa terluang bersama seorang Mak, kau diam pun dah dpt pahala. Tapi kau pun dah ckp apa yg ada dlm benak qalb kau masa tu.. Tak apalah. Kali ni, cukuplah asyik cerita ttg material org. Campurlah sedikit 'essence' ttg keimanan atau ketokohan seseorang. Ceritalah apa yg naqibah usrah kau kongsikan. Semua tu contoh tajuk. Janji kau tak payah cerita benda yg aku tak suka buat topik bualan iaitu ttg kaya tak tak org tu kah, standard tak standard familinya kah, kawan kau anak hartawan kah... Aku muak."

Aku tak faham kenapa aku jelak. Aku cemburukah? Sah2 langsung tidak. Mungkin aku ke yg terlalu tak memahami beliau? Adakah aku yg terlebih emo? Adakah aku shj yg rasa obvious sgt dia suka cerita benda2 mcm tu? Dia pernah kata baginya financial is a big issue. Dia kata dia ada masalah juga, money dan pada masa yg sama aku pernah text dia, aku ada masalah (dan masalah tu mmg melibatkan psychological support). Tapi money? Minta maaf ckp, keluarga awk masih duduk di rumah berbumbung, adik2 awk bersekolah. Awk mampu beli baju raya. Money? Is that your aim? Satu demi satu persoalan timbul. Aku harap kau satu hari hipotesis aku salah. Aku yakin kau ada penjelasan ttg setiap tutur dan tindakan kau.

Yes, I truly fathom that, but to talk or act as if you're proud of someone else's wealth? Dan org yg kau maksudkan tu semua org yg dpt scholarship sedangkan ramai lagi bdk duduk pedalaman, ketinggalan dan seterusnya tak adalah fluent BI mcm budak2 yg kaya raya ni? Apa motif? To reveal? To be proud of? The point is, I repeat, I really hope my assumptions would be as it is, not the reality. I don't understand why I felt so odd, so like, "Okay, so what. Like I care?" or "MOTIVE?". Atau perasaan muak tu atas dasar refleksi diri aku juga? Kawan kita mencerminkan sikap kita. Wallahu'alam.

"Aku tak tahu motif kau. Silap aku, aku dulu pun pernah bergambar dgn lelaki bukan muhrim. Tapi kali ni, aku rasa tak ada darurat rasanya utk kau pun buat begitu sekarang. Aku faham, masanya akan tiba utk kau 'faham' dgn hati, despite what kind of surrounding you're in."

Masa aku taip mcm ni, mmg hati penuh dgn sesal. Berapa byk masa yg aku tak guna utk 'menyampai'. Aku mesti beritahu, MESTI.

p/s: merapu tak merapu, lantaklah. Uhuk.

-Thing to Do: Go to Alexandria, insya Allah.

Physics: How to Calculate Forgetfulness

2010-09-21T05:46:00.000+03:00

Mcm biasalah, bila aku sibuk pening tak bertempat disebabkan perangai suka risau2, maka bebel petir dari Mak ubatnya. Kalau Mak tak 'up' suara mmg tak sah. Suka nak jadi kalut sgt. Jadi maaf dipinta kalau aku ada naik suara pada teman2 seperjuangan sekalian. (Sampai sekarang tak percaya aku pernah buat member sekolah menangis. Hehe... Ampun byk2...). Dah terbiasa, kalau kerja asyik nak gusar tak tentu hala mmg kena bebel 2x ganda panjang dari apa yg kita sibuk complain.

Solusi:

1) Nyorok2 kalau nak mundar mandir, complain2, paranoid atau mengandai bukan2.

2) Cari penyelesaian, bukan SESALAN semata-mata

Aku akn cuba kawal ~~baran~~ tension aku walaupun tekanan darah aku boleh naik kalau tgk baju timbun, kalah Bukit Tambun tak dilipat. Pantang betul anak dara yg suka buat kerja tak senonoh mcm ni. Haish... Aik, check balik... Minta2 aku tak pernah buat. Ahaks. Mcm pernah. :P

Berat bagasi masih lagi isu. Haha. Saat terakhir aku buat keputusan nak guna khidmat pos. Tak adalah patah separuh badan aku nak angkut beg ke tingkat 7 nanti. Peliknya, semalam 4kg brg2 tu. Hari ni, kalau ditambah tolak dgn berat kotak+4 unit produk kulit+sari klorofil alfafa ~~hambar~~ tak sedap yg Mak bekalkan, terus hampir ke angka 10! Eh? Patutnya maksimum tambah 1kg. Kotak kertas berat sgtkah? Hmm, mari kita lihat...

Sumber: Vision Learning

Density

Density is a physical property of matter that is defined as the ratio of an object's mass to its volume.

Archimedes is credited with being one of the first people to consider density as a property of matter.

An object's buoyancy is determined by its density in relation to the density of the surrounding liquid.

Density = Mass/Volume

Let's look at an example. A typical brick has a mass of 2,268 g and occupies a volume of 1,230 cm³. The density of the brick is therefore:

2,268 g/1,230 cm³ = 1.84 g/cm³

Density can sometimes be confused in our minds with weight because the denser of two, equal-volume objects will be heavier. Remember, though, that it is the relationship between mass and volume that determines density and not volume or mass alone, or even how closely packed the atoms or molecules are.

p/s: tak ada kaitan dgn masalah Fizik. Inilah yg dinamakan pengiraan utk nyanyuk tak terduga.

Huhuu... Lupa pula. Semalam bukan 4kg yg aku keluarkan. (9kg sebenarnya yg aku keluarkan utk buat bagasi jadi seringan boleh.)

Standard?

2010-09-20T11:48:00.000+03:00

Kononnya daku berbahagia krn menyangka berat bagasiku tak mungkin akan berlebihan. Kemudian aku menimbang, alamak! Dah masuk dlm 25kg ni... Adrenalin memainkan peranan.Cuba keluarkan lagi apa2 yg masih boleh muat dlm bagasi tgn. Arghh, lantaklah! Dah siap2 duit kalau2 kena buat bayaran. Kelas ekonomi mmg begitu. Aku akn terbang dgn Qatar Airways.

Terbang ke memori kali pertama naik besi terbang...

"Org pergi UK pun tak berat mcm ni."

Tersentap aku dgn kata2 kakitangan MAS tu. Yg pasti dia tak maksudkan aku. Masa tu, aku terfikir, "Apa beza kami yg pergi Mesir dgn yg pergi UK tu? Lebih 'standard'kah org yg pergi UK? Sebab awk bagi peluang saya lepas timbangan bagasikah awk rasa awk berhak buat kenyataan spt tu?" Oh tidak, sememangnya berat bagasi aku tak berlebihan jadi terang2, kalau dia betul2 maksudkan sangkaan burukku (ttg mana satu lebih satndard) tu, dia tak ada hak. I'm sure she didn't mean anything. Chill, babe...

Kwn2 ni pun satu, tongkol2 halia pun nak bawa. Beragaklah sedikit. Pergi belajar luar negara bukan nak lebihkan makan yg sedap2, sampai semua perencah masakan nak bawa. Haha. Tapi terpulanglah pada individu tu, bak kata Mak, "Kalau kena bayar, bayar saja..." Hoho...

Amoi 1: Yeah...! Bayar saja mehh...

Sehari dua sebelum itu Mak dan adik dah tolong timbangkan bagasi aku. Mcm biasa, aku teramat paranoid masa tu. Kalau tidak masakan Mak tolong timbang utk memujuk hati kecilku ni. Kata beliau tak ada apa2 nak risau. Beliau pun dah biasa naik flight. Mcm mana pula yg kena bayar sampai RM900++? Hehe... Mcm aku kata tadi, lantaklah. Asal tak minta duit aku sudah... Huhu. "KITA ADA DUIT... YEAH..."... Bunyi mcm sombong di situ... Padahal harta tak adalah berkepuk mana pun. Kah3.

Harapanku supaya penerbangan tak ubah mcm yg tertera dlm e-ticket. Agak berat tgn ni nak hubungi pejabat Qatar Airways. Hihi... Kelas dah mula sejak semalam, 19/9/2010... Subjek kegemaran aku, Biochemistry pula tu yg mula2 sekali. Mmg pembalasan namanya tu krn suka2 balik SEDIKIT lambat. Ulangi, SEDIKIT shj lambatnya krn esok, 21/9 patutnya bertolak ke KLIA. Berdebarnya nak tinggalkan 'syurga' dunia, Malaysia... Waa...

Amoi 2: Kuih Laya you bawa lain thn saja oh?

M: Isk3, begitulah nampaknya...

p/s: Mesti Cik Fulanah yg bawa balik 15kg kurma ke Malaysia dah jadi saudagar kaya kan? Hehe jgn marah haa...

Hatred and Secrecy

2010-09-15T20:51:00.000+03:00

Mak bawa kamera. Telefon ni mampu menangkap imej. Tapi satu helai imej pun aku tak ambil. Meskipun gambarku dlm sepersalinan baju raya. Perangai pelik. Org lain sibuk upload di Facebook aku juga yg tak simpan gambar Raya 2010. Entah. Otak asyik rasa, minda dah hati ni dah cukup pantas mengemas segala kenangan indah yg berlaku sejak aku bercuti di Malaysia... Percaya atau tak, tak ada langsung gambar org pakai baju raya dlm telefonku.

Aku akn rindukan Tahun 2010. Aku akn rindukan Ramadhan itu. Aku akan rindukan kali pertama aku tak hiraukan kekurangan.Percaya dan bersyukur dgn kecukupan itu membuatkan rasa senang di hatiku. Tiap kali balik rumah tentu aku menangis tapi aku tetap suka kerana aku semakin memahami... Kalau bukan sebab Mak dan adik, aku tak ingin balik. Debu2 Cairo lebih nyaman dari org2 yg menyesakkan nafas aku.

"Inilah hidup aku. Juat deal with it! Siapa kata kebahagiaan bukan milik kau? Kalau inilah yg indah pada pandangan Allah, apa salahnya aku telan jua walau pahit."

Tika jiwaku berontak aku tak hiraukan perasaanku sampai sanggup aniaya diri sendiri. Kali ini, aku mesti menang! Mesti...

Cuma hari makin berlalu namun senyap. Aku terpaksa tinggalkan Mak jauh dari mata utk sambung kelas pengajian. Sayu.

Scum

2010-09-07T17:06:00.000+02:00

Very disappointing. My prayer had not been granted yet Allah gave me answers. Perhaps. I will never give up, praying so that Allah opens his heart. He, Mr R is still the same. He ruined one girl. Exception if that girl doesn't care at all. I don't know if he bluffed. If I believe the very 100%, I am fool. Those messages looked like sarcasm too. If he really made quiet a joke, stories he weaved really works but not on me.

This is a really serious matter. Confused enough either to get guilty, angry or sad. I repeat, he never change. Of course, it's been only one year. One year can't guarantee everything. The saddest thing is that he thinks I am like any other girls I hate most. That is, if you readers can understand but let it be just silent. No assumptions can guess the truth.

That ego...

He never give it up. Always trying to accomplish his devious seductions. That girl he mentioned may be fool enough, but not me. (As if the girl really exists... Huh. What a 'joke'. I am still thinking he tried to make stories out of his rubbish mind).

Pasts keep reminding me to behave. I WAS DESPERATELY PATHETIC TO KNOW HIM. My regret.

Dear Mr R... GET A LIFE!

p/s: apalah dugaan nak sambut Eid ni... haihh

Pink Roses

2010-09-03T20:35:00.002+02:00

Bila ni nak bersihkan bilik sendiri ni? Aduh, geli pada habuk. Huk3. Tapi aku pasti aku akn bersihkan juga bilik dari debu2 Malaysia ni. Sekurang-kurangnya debu Msia ni masih boleh ‘dibendung’. Haha. Semasa aku saja2 berangan ttg konon nak membersihkan ni, aku terjumpa satu lukisan. Detik melankolik. Lukisan simple. Ada beberapa kuntum bunga mawar warna merah jambu dlm pasu. Itulah hadiah untuk Anugerah Pendiam. Pendiam ke? Mungkin kurang kawan lebih sesuai. Hehh. Kali pertama aku pernah dpt anugerah ‘just-for-fun’ mcm tu. Hee.

Lagu pilihan cuti ni? Salah satunya ‘Something about Love’ David Archuletta. Lagu ni ada selit inspirasi juga tahu. Adik aku tak gemar. Katanya, “GAY! Lagu gay! Arghhhhhhhhhh... Bencinya... Aku benci benda gay” Yeah, yeah... Lagilah aku galak utk putar dan putar itu lagu. Yea... putar, jgn putar alam sudah... Biasalah tu, apa yg aku suka semua dia ejek, “gayyyyy... eee...” game dlm handset yg aku riangnya main pun dia kata gay. Sah paranoid. Semacam petanda homophobia pun ada. Huh. paranoid. Mungkin daripada letak haemophobia sebagai nick ym dia, patut letak homophobia instead. wakaka. Apa-apalah, silly.

Asal bila aku yg memasak saja mesti sardin, sup sayur, sayur goreng, telur dadar atau masak kicap... kalau masa masak sambal mmg aku hanya dibenarkan sentuh papan pemotong dan potong sayur sajalah. Saya dlm fasa sederhana berbakat masak sambal tumislah. Tapi at at least aku boleh jimat air peluh kan?

Amoi 1 dan 2: Eww, air peluh pun perlu simpan ke?

Hee... Cuma pada suatu hari, aku diberi peluang masak peria, sayur yg aku mmg kira sbg pilihan terakhir. Geram dgn kepahitannya, aku biar udang kering masuk lebat2. Rendam air garam sekejap, tambah pedas dan telur... Wallahhhh... Sesuai dimakan utk hilangkan rasa mual hidangan ikan sungai yg kurang aku gemari hari itu... Fakta: Mak turun temurun tak mkn ikan sungai, pari dan keli. Tapi anaknya ni main bedal saja...

Di bazaar Ramadhan, aku tunjuk ikan pari.

“Ikan pari?” semacam kepelikan campur kegelian. Oh Ye, sedikit cebikan di situ...

“Yes, org tau Mak tak mkn, tapi org nak” muahaha... sengaja.

Adakah aku nak cerita ttg sikap pendiam? taklah. Ttg benda gay? Mana ada... Ttg ikan keli? Jauh sekali... Nak ckp, aku berdebar. Title ‘belasan tahun’ mahu expire. Tak berapa enak angka 19 ni. Aduh. Cuti nak habis. Kelas akn terus mula. Berdebarlah nak naik ke tahun kedua ni. Angka 2 ni pun sedikit ‘choi’ pada aku. Waa... Byk lagi makanan Malaysia aku belum ~~mentekedarah~~ rasa...

p/s: Nombor bukan kesukaan M=2, 9

Doubted Post: Think I Posted Twice

2010-08-19T09:15:00.001+02:00

Cairo University International Day. It’s an out-of-date story, but yesterday, suddenly I remembered one thing. That one single thing which defected my mood that very calm morning. That one senior. Opps, slipped my words. Haha. Like I care.

Well, this is not the blog to hate people or to spread words of hate. I guess she’s just so anti-social kind of thing that she speaks without alert of others might feel. I don’t say direct way of talking isn’t the best way. I’m just saying that the method of delivering words might mean anything. She wasn’t speaking vulgar words, she’s kind, detailed, smart and experienced (of course, she’s a senior. hehh). Maybe it’s just that I haven’t mentally prepared that time huh?

Not saying that I squeezed to death the part of me for that event. Not saying that I did everything for our booth. But coming out of nowhere,

“This is not fushah (standard) Arabic, this one is ammiyah (daily words)” Kak X says

I put my usual fake smile shine that only the experts will notice. “Who are you? Where’re h*** you come from? Do you have the right to talk that WAY (like you’re better, like you’re waYYYYYY more expert)?”

Well folks, seeing the words might be not provoking enough but seeing the body language, that inner evil of me had been raised. At least I tried to do a fake smile for positivity. Yeah! M is positive.

(Amoi 1: BUZZER! Be professional M! Not just emotions...)

M: Haha. Thanks Amoi 1. Fuhh.

Then she added other venomous words, “They (Some people that I can’t remember who) will say something for this.”

Then I said, “I referred to a book. It says that it’s still considered fushah”

After I replied, she just shut her mouth, like “Oh, okay. But I don’t really care. I still know better than you.” I know that sounds like negative thinking, but sometimes faces tell everything. She left our humble booth.

“Dia tu tak mcm usia dia. Gaya mcm bdk2 sikit” a kind Kak R said

M’s heart says, “Alright, I can see that.” hahaha

The point is, not telling you’re wrong. Just telling you not to act like a health inspector, bossily checking around our booth and suddenly criticize something which you don’t really know yet. The brain behind the book was someone with a certification in Arabic language. Pardon me if the author was wrong. Can’t you just ask, “Dari mana dpt ni?” or “Betul ke ni mmg fushah?” Perhaps she should join my high school camp’s group work which teaches us how different tones of the same sentence can mean something. She looks really smart plus I heard she learns with the Egyptians while most of Malaysian students take classes separated from the Arabs (Fully English). That was the first time I met the uncool senior in Egypt. Could be caused by sins. Haihh

p/s: some TOO-SMART-STUDENTS really need communication skills or shall I say, a little bit of sensitivity?

Amoi 2: Aiyaa M, you terlalu sensitip maa…

M:La, mana dtg pulak Amoi 2 ni? Hee. BTW, I don’t think Kak X meant anything. Apa2 sajalah… :p

Sya'ban at the Eleventh Hour

2010-08-10T11:19:00.002+03:00

Sedia maklum, telefon bimbitku yg lama itu sudah sampai ke penghujung kemampuannya. Rancangan terpaksa diolah, tak ada spare jawabnya. Oh tak mengapalah. Telefon baru mesti dibeli jua. Mulanya aku aku dah target satu model dari jenama Siti Errica, tapi aku akhirnya beralih kpd jenama Rokiah pula. Katanya Siti Errica terlalu delicate. Maklumlah, lihat saja 2 pita perekat yg menjawab jerih perit yg dilalui The Old Rokiah.Tiba2 aku meragui ketahanan Siti Errica.

Moga kau bertahan lama wahai Rokiah Jr.... Haihh… (At least ‘till M got mumtaz in every subject… muahaha… sounds like forever…)

sreeeetttt..... AKU TAK SUKA MERAPU!!! Serabut Betul... Aiyaa

Itu bukan cerita utamanya…

Insya Allah, beberapa jam lagi kita akan menyambut 1 Ramadhan. Memetik kata2 seorang penceramah, “Moga sebulan itu dpt kita gunakan sebaik-baiknya, bukan sibuk dgn baju raya atau langsir…” (Ngee… Baju rayaku dah settle, amoi banyak senang hati…)

p/s: source: http://www.jannah.org/ramadan/ramadanhadiths.html

"Ramadan is the (month) in which the Quran was sent down, as a guide to mankind and a clear guidance and judgment (so that mankind will distinguish from right and wrong).." (Surah al-Baqarah, verse 185)

Narrated Abu Huraira (r.a): The Prophet said:"... whoever fasts during Ramadan out of sincere faith and hoping to attain Allah's rewards, then all his past sins will be forgiven."(Sahih Al-Bukhari)

Vibrant Pink

2010-08-04T08:59:00.001+03:00

"M ambillah tudung yg tu, M kan suka beli brg dari patung."

Okay, Fine lah... Dlm hati ni, "MAK!!!" Mkn dlm punya... Isk3... Tak baik tau...

Tak kisahlah, aku dah pun beli tudung BUKAN dari patung tu. Agak kurang selesa dgn potongannya yg ala2 tutup kolar baju shj. Aku maksudkan ialah tudung syria, yg org sibuk perkatakan sekarang ni. Maybe I'll just buy the scarf. Not the ridiculously tiny hijab.

Aku takkan minta maaf sbb dah terlebih post aku ttg pakaian. I just can't help it. I drew few sketches when I was little and Mom says people don't eat drawings. You want to sew dresses? You'll make your glasses thicker (As if Medicine doesn't make short-sightedness worse. Heh) Sorry to get carried away. Art is just a fragment of me. Speaking about garment designs which won't sell. Haha. Gosh I am paranoia about one time people asked in a Co-Whatever activity in INTEC, "Adakah anda seorang yg mementingkan duit?" Hey, just because people grab coins as much as they can in a lied back activity , doesn't mean he's materialistic. Be REASONABLE.

Huh, majlis Tilawah al-Quran Peringkat Antarabangsa ke-52 telah pun melabuhkan tirainya mlm tadi. Juara qari ialah wakil dari Mesir dan naib johan ialah wakil dari Malaysia. Bagai ironis bukan? Hehehe. Bagi qariah, Johan ialah wakil dari pakistan... Berita Selanjutnya di sini.

p/s: Bapa saudaraku sdg sakit. Moga Allah menyembuhkan beliau... waktu Malaysia jam 1.53 pm

Dugaannya Lain-lain

2010-08-02T21:32:00.003+03:00

Apabila aku melangkah ke KLIA yg tersergam indah, aku terasa 'jakun' sebentar.

"RAMAINYA ORG M'SIA!!!"

Ya... Itulah bisikan hati manusia yg baru setahun berhadapan dgn,

"Ni hao, ni hao..." dan lebih menyakitkan hati, "jhfhufbc shue huu hshsusbsjshdcj" seolah2 mengejek percakapan kami. Huh, aku yg terlalu emotional. (Usahlah ambil hati tak tentu pasal, M...)

"Aku lempang juga anak Arab ni." Aku masih seorang yg 'berdarah panas', tapi boleh dikawal... haha

Dugaan di mesir lain, kekacauan jiwa di malaysia lain. Selak surat khabar, opps, artis Malaysia berpakaian spertinya standard zaman ini begitu. Tak kasar jika saya katakan, berpakaian seolah2 mahu melenyapkan Islam dan bangsa sendiri. Buka televisyen, opps, apakah keserabutan itu? Nasib baik masih disiarkan Majlis Tilawah al-Quran peringkat antarabangsa tu. Jikalau semua program keagamaan pun dah tak ada dlm media massa, tak tahulah apa yg tinggal. Secara terus terang, dulu aku yg 'rebellious' mmg tak hirau semua tu. Tak pernah sedar kekosongan yg bersarang, berhabuk dlm hati ini. Apa2 lah.

Makin aku duduk lama di Malaysia, aku terasa kekosongan tu. Diburukkan dgn kenangan hodoh, sakitnya Tuhan sahaja yg Maha mengetahui. Itulah, dugaan Mesir lain, dugaan di sini lain. Jadi aku sgt mengagumi insan yg masih boleh teguh iman dan akidahnya menetap di bumi yg semakin dirosakkan makhluk tak bertanggungjawab ni.

Bukan aku kata bahawa Mesir itu org2 nya alim semuanya. Sana pun ada juga couple. 'Couple', istilah BODOH yg diamalkan sesetengah kwn2 sebaya dan tak sebaya aku. Tapi itulah, dugaannya lain-lain. Aku ambil pengajaran di sini, aku tak boleh lari dari godaan. Dulu aku berniat, aku mahu terbang jauh2, 13 jam utk lari. tapi sekarang aku kembali. Sekejap sahaja sudah memeritkan. Sebelum terbang bukan tak sempat berdakwah shj, malah aku tenggelam dek memberontak. Aku fikir lagi, sesudah peroleh ijazah mampukah aku kembangkan Islam dlm pekerjaanku? Oh tenatnya...

p/s: tidak boleh tidur. waktu malaysia: 2.58 pagi. Mungkin kerana siangnya balik dari tempat aku pernah lepak, aku terkenang seorang manusia ini melampau2. Astaghfirullahal 'azim

suka dgr ini byk kali. Boleh tanam rindu pada Rasulullah... :)

Planning 2010/2011 Look

2010-07-30T16:59:00.001+03:00

People change, I have to change as years pass by. What if,

"Selalunya saya buat mcm ini, kali ini saya buat mcm ini pula," M said.

"Dulu lainlah, M budak-budak lagi. Sekarang M dah besar. Sesuailah tu," Mak replied.

I'm stepping into the new age. I am not the girl who used to be over-fascinated to rebellious musics. I prefer calling myself someone with vintage or classic taste. I'm so classic now. Not 'pinky winky' anymore. (Forget that statement, still can't take my eyes of pink). I had been satisfied with all the over-accessorized options. Simplicity describes me better. Purple is the colour of wisdom, can't deny that even since 5 years back then in my life. In my wardrobe, pink, purple and red. Well, I love to combine those colours to make a new stunning colour. Can you just imagine the beauty of that? Purple blended with red... Wow.

Now, I'm experimenting with turquoise and light blue. I'll say those two are some of exotic picks. As usual, 'vibrancy' is my game. Believe it or not, one day, I 'fought' with the display doll in a shop just for this one single cardigan (that was a cardigan, I supposed). I never madly want something in my life but that bright blue... made my eyes sparkle. It was because the cardigan left hung inside only this --> green <-- I would never wear? So at the end, the doll had been left with a sleeveless inner... Sorry, Miss Doll. Whatever.

That's not the topic. It's about what you usually choose when you're in school days. What would be most practical for you but not really preferable because you are now in the university, you're taking good course and soon, you will be a wife of somebody. straight to the point, YOU'RE NOT A KID ANYMORE.

Let me remind myself, as an undergraduate in medicine, I will spend the most of my youth to this field of knowledge. I will celebrate another 5 years, insyaAllah, my birthday not in Malaysia. I was flattered because I truly realised I had mentally and physically prepared to be far from home for years.

As one of my housemate mentioned that she cried on her first Eid in Egypt, I just enjoyed every moment as I can that glorious day. However, I can't guarantee I never cry in Egypt. Fitting in could be too difficult for some people. But hey! I'm adapting!

At about 7.00 pm, I just got back from my favorite salon near my place in Malaysia. I won't let any people touch my hair. Some may just let their good buddies cut their hair the way they want and I just smile once I took note of the fact. Of course, I'm not that type of folk.

Back home, I told my Mom, "Usually I chose ...... but today I randomly chose ......" She replied, "Those days you're just a small teen. Now if you choose ...... it will surely be inappropriate."

p/s: Haven't got Malaysia mobile phone no. yet.

Writing when it's Raining

2010-07-25T15:35:00.001+03:00

Exam tamat.(4/7/2010)

I cried during Physiology oral exam because of tiredness. 8.00 am to 1.00 pm without meal. What was that??? And suddenly, AUTONOMIC NERVOUS SYSTEM? bla3. Almost die. Tiredness KILLS. Tiredness makes you FORGET. Tiredness makes you MAD. HEHHHH!

Oh yeah, I was not a good listener. So now I’m considering taking back my words to the JPA officer saying that I wanted to take psychiatry. You got what I mean, readers. During exam weeks, I always find ways not to overhear people tumbling, “I’m scared”, “I don’t think I can make it”, “I want to go to Malaysia”, “I don’t revise everything” nor “Why I can’t remember???.” I know this statement won’t help, but I really hope all of us will change for the better. Straight to your forehead, “PLEASE NO CHILDISH girls. Can’t stand it.” This is not specified to one person only. It includes myself.

Dinner 2010 tamat.(6/7/2010)

Ada org ckp mkn tak kenyang, tapi aku rasa ada hikmahnya juga. kalau aku dpt mkn kenyang, mungking aku akan pening. Mungkin aku akn dengki dgn mereka yg sentiasa boleh mkn di meja masing2 dari mula majlis hingga ke akhirnya. haha. Nasiblah. MC yg paling pendengki di semesta. Whatever.

Result. (2 Mumtaz, 1 jaiyid jiddan, 1 jaiyid).

Alhamdulillah. Alamak, busy sgt sekarang ni. Rumah oh rumah…

Balik Malaysia. (21/7/2010)

Tentu pramugari tu bengang padaku. hehe. Daku tertekan ‘butang memanggil’ itu byk kali. She says, “You can just push the button once”. In my heart, “I can’t see your face clearly (It was dark). Somehow, I imagine your wrinkled skin now”. From my mouth I said, “Opps, I accidentally pushed … (words became husky by terror.”

Ramadhan

Praying for His bless

Raya

Not getting the mood yet

Balik Mesir

Kembali sibuk?

Sepertinya aku kena guna masa dgn bijak cuti ni. Bila la nak menyelak buku ni. Takut byk yg hilang dari hati. Ingin mencari ruang utk sampaikan cenderahati tak seberapa kpd beberapa kwn.

I told off someone just now and I just don’t like it. Fear, anger, cares and sad. All those feelings mixed up together.

I decided to start writng in proper language as much as I could. It is because I was very irritated by one Youthsays .com post, questioning how come we as the, ‘future hope’ can’t use proper language. Not being challenged by that, I think this time it just that I have much time to do so this holiday. Totally. Although I find that sometimes using full terms really consume my time, I’ll try. Make it just this post at least. I begin to feel empty and bored. As I expected. I don’t think my friends will have the same schedule as me. Till then, I got tones of business to catch up in Egypt. Furnitures, washing machine, the kitchen stove and other necessary equipments. Would this year’s Eid be joyful? I wouldn’t guess. As long as Mom is all feeling good here, I’m relieved. We can still move on with life.

Another annoyance is being ignored. Why am I so obsessed with this one sister? She just stopped messaging with me the last time I finally found her in Faceboook. Err, don’t get me wrong, I am not a stalker nor a fanatic. I just hate of being ignored. At least she could say, “Busy”, “We don’t really know each other”. Okay. That will be clear. But disappearing? As if Mr F told her that big secret of mine and thus she felt absurd about it. The ‘thing’. Huh.

(No, no, no. Do not ASSUME things, M)

On this Land

2010-07-22T23:17:00.000+03:00

There's only one precious thing that got me to Malaysia, or I'll rather be struggling in Cairo's hustles. It is 'family'. Of course, I stand upon the sake of Allah, for His bless and pleasure.

"Errm what's up with these stuffs? haha. If there was me, I'll be the 1st fellow to stop those."

"Well it got worse when you're gone. She's just too 'powerful'. No one could stop her," brother replied, sarcastically.

I was the freaking weird gloomy daughter. I don't like mess and anything which will lead to it including decorating house by adding more bunches into the house. I do not like flowers especially the plastic ones. I preferred emptiness in my room and Mom and me once got issue about this. Anyway, as long as everyone happy, I'm happy. The way she remodelled our furniture arrangement, new mats and cupboards really surprised me. Even more shocking, I was kind of liking it. Our house is err, COLOURFUL? AND I WAS LIKING IT? Haha. I miss every beauty in this house. Now, it looks less empty after all.

The only thing I hate about Malaysia is that the silly memoirs I had been carried by. Other than that, I AM HOME!!!

Box

2010-07-10T18:47:00.000+03:00

Hari ni kami dpt lagi dua kotak. moga cukup utk kemaskan mcm brg uhh... Naqiyan dgn murah hatinya membeli setin air berkarbonat sbb sian kt pakcik kedai. Dtg2 mintak kotak jerr.Takkan x beli apa2 kan??? common sense lah.Nga dok berkeliaran kt area Mounira utk slesaikan bbrapa hal uhh, terserempak r ngan akak atau maybe gadis sebaya bertanyakan mana nk beli sayur... Wow, ngan payungnya siap. sah bukan warga cairo. Perhaps from UK or Russia or some place cold... Hehe. Pastu wat kali kedua jumpa lg. kata mereka, misi membeli sayur mrk accomplished. Alhamdulillah. takde r malnourished mcm ak nti. haha aku malnourished ke? eh silap aku problem lain. bukan malnourished.

Duit "org tgh" dh settle, skg ni nga cari jln cne nak angkut mendalah2 yg bukan jerr milik aku & Naqiyan, tp gak, BUDAK2 yg dh chow ke Malaysia uhhh... haddoi... chill jerr... I`m always chill (as this far). we just have to work our plan, we can`t overdue the date. That`s all. About 11 days more before we make our way to the airport.

Esk merancang utk keluar ngan sorg member. Insya Allah... Nk beli something gak.

Pd masa yg sama sgt bdebar utk result exam. ya Allah, selamatkanlah kami... Cuak nk mati ni wehh. lbey cuak dari nk tggu result SPM sbb at least SPM ak dah boleh agak bpe minimum ak dpt... skg tak ley dah... tak pass markah yg Cairo University nk, reseat exam a.k.a. `dhur thani` r jwbnya... tinggal tak nightmare je lg nih.

p/s: post tidak diolah dgn sempurna.

Two

2010-07-08T16:10:00.001+03:00

Mcm2 dh blaku sjak Final Exam selesai... Cerita selanjutnya ley tanya my housemate, Naqiyan Anis. mcm2 dh bliau ceritakan dlm blog dan rasanya sudah cukup menggambarkan pe yg telah terbentang kt dpan mata aku hari2 sbelum hari ni. Kami mneruskan hari2 kami berdua jela... mcm biasa, sbb half ahli Beit Humaira' balik Malaysia dah. Juga belum terlambat rasanya aku mngucapkan sekali lagi utk Liyana Nadhirah a.k.a. Yah, ahli baru beit Humaira'... We are proud of you!!! tahun '10/'11 beliau akn jadi org penting kami... Masa Dinner batch gen 09 bliau telah pun dilantik. maka pasni humaira' akn bwajah baru... ngee...

ada member bagi komen, kesian kt Yah nti asik dtg lmbt je ke kelas sbb ktorg. Oh my... Was it obvious? I mean, THAT obvious??? Xpe2, Humaira's akn cuba perbaiki hal tu. kami pun nak jadi student mumtaz gak... Pelan Pembangunan Beit Humaira' mmg kne disemak semula... ngeh3.

Xdpt nk coretkan segala rasa di hati ni. laptop meragam, takmo tolerate ngan mana2 wi-fi... skg ni nga dok mnaip guna Adam. ye, adam nama laptop yg ak pinjam nih...warghhh... byk lerr ni duit nk kne kua kt Msia... nak set up balik everything for that fella (laptop)... maybe sbb ia xde nama kot. mcm baby yg tak bagi nama. kan ke dok molek uhh... apa2 la...Doakan kami selamat pulang dan pindah ke cawangan baru beit Humaira'!!!

p/s: Naqiyan Anis: "aduh2... pnatnya kemas baju... mana air? mana air???"

Salam Imtihan

2010-05-31T19:42:00.001+03:00

cter ttg kueh teow... btul r ikut kata Naqiyan. mmg xsalah tu lah kueh teow basah, bukan ttukar ngan kuah teow lain. sah.

Buat Naqiyan house mate tersayang, "i tak salahkan u pun i pilih that menu. i was just saying facts reliable to my 'meal-accident' report"...

Buat another 'formal MC' for Gen 9 Dinner, "i haven't start any lines yet. not even a word. hehe"

heh. whatever la.as if i care. well i truly care after all.

Breaking News: I found out that I'll have more ex-SAMTSH juniors this year (or the end of the year or next year??? ) huhuu... dh lama terperuk dari dunia cyber, 1 khabar pn ak xamek tau. bajet mcm dh khatam 99x physio+biochem+histo+anat... wawawa...

Alas... Rmai gak junior ak dpt result mabruk2 blaka... alhamdulillah. SPM '09 is so outta date now. so I'll just wait for them n i better do the best for finals. yezza. new spirit coming... apa2 la. till then, saying 'tata' to lil' bloggie for a while. n pray for me... huu... exam33333...

SALAM IMTIHAN dan moga kita diberi segala kekuatan, rahmat dan belas kasihan dariNya sepanjang berada dlm dewan peperiksaan dan moga dipermudahkan semasa menjawab soalan lisan tak terduga dari para pensyarah. Ya Allah, hambaMu mohon dipermudahkan. Amin~

Thai Food’s not My Favorite

2010-05-20T13:34:00.001+03:00

Ktorg decided utk puasa sunat ramai2 ari ni. n right about 4 a.m., ak mula rasa x sedap ati bukan x sedap ati jer, mmg xsdap byk benda r. sbelumnya tatkala mataku dgn matanya bertembung mata, mmg ak sgt x percaya kat dia. dialah kueh teow berpuaka. tapi Naqiyan Anis kata ley jer masuk ngan dia. so mcm biasa r, tabiat ak… confirm ak akn tanya, “ko pilih pe? yg ko pilih, yg tu r ak nk” 'tabiat xpeka ngan kemahuan sendiri.'

sambung psl cter pg yg hening pd waktu org2 ngantuk terpaksa rodok mknn dlm tekak utk mnyempurnakan sesi sahur, ak pn pnskn r kueh teow basah yg dikatakan kueh teow basah uhh… sumpah xsedap. apa2 pn ak bsyukur at least ak ad mknn, org2 yg mangsa perang ssh dpt mknn. rupa2nya Naqiyan Anis tertukar ngan kueh teow paprika. xjeles, sbb ak dh mula x suka benda2 tomyam or paprik or any THAI-RELATED DISHES. byk benda ak nyesal dlm hidup ni. hopefully I don’t drag regret till death. sesal paling pedih antaranya sesal pilih menu. xsmua tempat ad org yg pakar wat masakan berkuah ni, termasuk mee bandung (err, kueh teow pn ada ‘bandung’ ek? xtau npe i rs cm 1 pnodaan je. haha). Slurrp, miss mi bandung Muar. ORI!

Kueh Teow Basah

Bahan-bahan:

500gm kuay teow

200gm daging - dihiris nipis

4 biji telur

~~3 sudu makan~~ kasi LEBIH2 sos tomato

~~5 sudu makan kicap~~ bajet2 sdap kalo xltak kicap dlm kueh teow basah

garam, gula dan serbuk perasa (jika suka) secukup rasa

minyak untuk menumis

Bahan2 kisar:

15 tangkai cili kering

2 labu bawang besar

4 ulas bawang putih

Xpe2, sbbkn ak tau mungkin tekak ak yg wat hal, ak akn pnskn balik time bbuka. tu pn kalo lom basi. keh3.tu r, gelojoh sgt nk tapow. tahap 'agi ngelaban' kalo jumpa restoren Asia kt Egypt. apa2 pn skali lg Slamat Hari Kelahiran ke 19 buat Yah... Beit Humaira' really enjoyed yesterday.

p/s: post ini xde kne mngena ngan abg2 indon mahupun thailand yg berspeaking mcm2 bhsa kt dapur.. deria bau dan rasa punya psl kot. whatever. blah dulu.

Lost in the Best Time

2010-05-13T23:10:00.001+03:00

Sajak kt bawah ni rsnya ak pna post kt blog Myspace, or somehere you readers won’t care. but rather was it an amateur version. start ‘terjebak’ dlm tulis2 sajak ni sjak darjah 6. ak pn x ingat mana ak ltak sajak pertama ak tulis. I remember there was the time one boy named Subramaniam said, “would you like to recite that poem?” That is if I wasn’t mistaken. Or even if I was deaf, doesn’t even matter.

These lines are just to imagine a friend claimed itself a loser and was truly ashamed to show what kind of failure he or she is. Don’t think this is according to poetic standards. Don’t think this will be clearly understood. I’ve read that to write a poem, too complicated ‘vocabs’ are unnecessary. Never thought mine was a deadly old-English bombastic though. Whatsoever, too bad for that friend in this case, still losing life to its last breathe?

Lost in the Best Time

You are lost

You make people grossed

I am away

You have no one to play

I guess you’re still in pray

To halt our hug, stare

Water in the stream flows

This future has no hint to glow

There I imagine hopes grow

At least for you, mellow fellow

You sick of silence

Shade every way on land

Shift all doubts

Free the best pigeons

Fight questions day and night

Suppose I lost from your sight

I told off guys who broke your heart

Yesterday was my personal heartbreak

I made jokes for those bright eyes of yours

Today my eyes glimmered in tears

I promised I won’t let you down

Tomorrow’s dawn my massive disaster

We dreamt to be someone

I wished I am nobody

By years of bad reputation

Sadness is what I do not have to mention

Bitterness is all I must churn

Say I return by the coast

Say you greet me with smile and pose

These surely cost me

Pounds of shame and yards of regret the least

Maya Dealove,

(23^rd April 2010, Friday, 12.13 pm)

p/s: psl grammar uhh, pencinta bahasa xyah ssh2 wat mogok lapar lak dpan uma ak.

Jawi

2010-05-12T18:39:00.001+03:00

habis sudah practical exam utk tahun 2010 ni, utk dak2 1st year Cairo University. Ak x ltakkn hrpn tggi kt practical anatomy pg td. hnya bhrp utk yg tbaek... hmm...

tanggal 9 Mei 2010, hari jadi mak ak yg ke 52. cpat je ms blalu. org skeliling ak makin berusia, cmtuh gak lerr ak...

arini xde mende. just tbaca psl 'Jawi Peranakan'. ley thn mnarik.

hmm, ak tgk balik blog ak. nasib baik blog ak ni dlm golongan terpencil gak r kn. sbb lihatla sgala 'keindahan' singkatan2 yg ak guna utk isi blog post nih... sgt ringkas & padat. cter nye gini, ak ad sorg cikgu yg sgt ambil peduli bab2 cmni. dipendekkn cter, cgu Sjarah r katakan... dia kata dia pna campak nset anak dia yg harga, bpe tah dia gtau... n ak pn xtau pe motif dia gtau harga nset uhh. sebabnya? dia tbaca mesej ank dia, pnuh ngan kependekan2 bahasa sms... standard r kn. tp nk wat cmno, dek krn maybe ank dia agk amateur, so ank dia x reti kot nk ltak password kt nsegt n bliau mungkin x sgka mama dia sggup lburkn bpe ratus ringgit blikn nset uhh ke lantai.

bpk dahsyat r... tu r cter yg paling dahsyat ak pna dgr mbabitkn nset.

p/s: mode ttap kurang energetic sbb kelaparan. weh Beit Humaira', maii ler mkn... xtau npe sjak tuut dan tuut diet ni, ak rs sdey... xde geng lahap kot. heh.

Humaira’s Official Pet

2010-05-02T14:59:00.000+03:00

Beit Humaira ad keluarga baru skg. x cukup ngan kucing itam yg pna hampir wt ak kne myocardial infarction, skg nk bela bnde kaler merah lak. Mmg comel gak r. Kaler kemerah2an gak cm nme uma ni (Humaira’=kemerah2an). Dia r gak yg akn jd pnyeri uma ktorg yg sunyi tanpa helai tawa nk2 bila nga stress masuk musim exam+panas ni ha. Tgk keadaan, rsnya dia xkn gelak2 kot skg. Dia mmg pure Egypt mari, baek punyerrr…

Mmg org2 dlm uma ni akn bg reaksi tnang, terharu, hampa pun ada tiap kali renung mata yg seakan2 bulat tp xbpe nk bulat uhh. Tp yg pastinya ak r org dlm golongan yg wat reaksi biasa2 jer kalo tgk dia. Ms tu mmg byk r pilihan bab nk cari ‘ahli keluarga’ baru ni. tp antara byk2 tu, si comel yg nga dok diam ni r yg dak2 ni pilih. Lg2 yg sorg ni. excited sgt smpai cian akak penjaga kedai uhh cuba nk tahan gelak. Ak xde prasaan r sbb ak x rancang pn utk tu smua. ak ikut jer. Kehadiran dia mungkin ley menceriakan hidup ak.

balik2 uma, adik bongsu Beit Humaira’ pn ngan excited gler2 utk ahli kluarga baru tu. si adik bongsu td dh siap2 psan kt si takde nme ni dok diam2 jgn kacau kakak2 yg nga nk exam nih. So pas solat adik bongsu pn g r mmasak, spt yg tertera dlm giliran bliau ari ni… Perghh! mmg dgr ckp r si kcik ni. ak pijak kang baru tau. ak pijak sket dia x bg respon mnentang woo… ish, biar btul.

Satu benda wt ak tnang ngan khadiran keluarga baru ni, MATAnya mnunjukkan bahawa secara rasminya pd 2 Mei 2010, Maya Dealove mempunyai berat badan plus minus 40kg… Fuhh. Aritu kt uma wahdaty cm tlbey sket. Nmpknya keluarga Beit Humaira yg baru ni sgt jujur & amanah, membuatkn kakak2 nya lebih tekad dlm usaha mbuang ketul2an x diingini pd bdn… “and they all live happily ever after”

~the end~

p/s: Beit Humaira’ terbaek! (ak igt nk namakn dia penimbang berat badan la. comel x?)

For You I Sacrifice

2010-04-30T08:52:00.002+03:00

Pagi Jumaat yg sunyi, majoriti dak uma ak x bangun lg. Naqiyan Anis sdg lena tdo kt katil sbelah laptop yg ak nga mnaip blog nih. mcm biasa r, ak wat bapak 'pathetic' mrenung profile Myspace adik ksygn ak lama2, smentara beliau lom slesai solat Jumaat (dlm 1 pm lbey waktu M'sia, egypt: masih pg). Tu r yg ak wat ari2 kalo rindu kt adik.

mcm biasa gak, ak berdoa moga beliau tak menggemok smentara ketiadaan ak. sengsara weh jd org gemok ni. ak igt lg beliau mnangis sbbkn org sentuh isu sensitif ni. Stiap titis air mata beliau buat darah ak mnyirap. Masih ak igt buat kali pertamanya, dlm usia yg terlalu muda (geli r ayat cerpen ni), beliau mmulakan tajuk 'diet'. And yes, majoriti makanan mmg tolak kt ak lerr... Nyum3, ak tumpang tuah diet bliau... huhu

Slepas mak ak, beliau r org yg akn kata utk remnant mknnn yg paling last, "xpe, org xnk..."

yep, buat ak yg kuat mkn ni, ak sgt syg kt org cm nih. mmg ms tu beliau tekad kot. psst, nasi yaman 1 set tu sah2 ak sorg pn abes.

Well, bckp psl diet sbb member sume dok gelabah nk kuruskn bdn b4 balik Msia takut family terkejut beruk + nk mkn puas2 mknn msia cuti summer nti... buat mrk yg sdg dlm diet, moga anda punyai secubit smgt spt dearest brother ak... 'diet yg praktikal pasti berjaya'....! YEAH!

So dgr jela lgu blink 182 yg sering diputarkn kt profile uhh. x lupa gak lagu 'I Miss You' yg adik ak scara indirectly nye tujukan kt ak??? hahaha... ciss mmg sdey gler r dok bjauhan ngan kluarga ni.

p/s: pna konon nk diet utk cengkungkn pipi. CONSUMERISM VICTIM?

Until When?

2010-04-26T17:52:00.004+02:00

skg ak nga pikir camne nk dptkn no. manager tempat ak pna kje dlu. ak takut r kn, kot2 ak ada wat dia kcik ati sbb ak ttbe jerr berhenti kje siap dh x peduli dah gaji ke apa ke, yg penting ak nak blah... kata2 dia yg terakhir,

"awk mintak kje pun bukan suka2 kn... ni xkn r suka2 je nk bhenti. awk tau kn nk bhenti kne 2lis surat sminggu awl..."

pehh, mkn dlm siot. ak pn ngan dingin nye, dlm ati ak yg penting ak dpt lari dari sorg mamat nih. tu jer. paling x gentle ak siap mntk tlg my Mom lg anta surat bhenti alg2 beliau kua ke bandar (haha, ala2 mcm r ak dok kt kg lak)....

"sy mintak maaf" then ak ltak phone. abes cter. ak belum cukup matang lg utk handle situation2 cmtuh.

adoi... serabut kpala otak ak. nk exam final ni baru la teringat balik... ni ikhlas ke tak ni nk mintak maaf? hee... azam ak nk bagi hadiah tanda mintak maaf kt sorg member nih pun ak tak buat lagi.

housemate ak try nk order cook... wt ak teringat kt tempat aku pna kje uhh. besnyer lahai kalo ak dpt kje lbey lama kt ctu. cuma ak x dpt get along lg ngan senior2 kt ctu jerr lg. apa2 pn ak syg mrk semua... yeahhh... tuah birthday girl r kalo cook door tu bjaye smpai uma ktorg... ngee... tp tu r, cian spe2 yg tpaksa celebrate birthday kt perantauan spanjang 6 thn tnpa kluarga di sisi... sabo jela my fren... kter snasib... yg penting moga Allah sentiasa meredhai setiap saat umur kter mningkat... ye dok?

p/s: mne r kter tau, dosa kter ngan manusia bkn tertakhluk pd org yg rpt ngan kter jer.

Ya Akhi

2010-04-17T17:55:00.002+02:00

Housemate ak kata tukang masak ley jerr jd gemok hanya ngan asik bau jerr masakan yg dia masak. Tak mustahil ada benarnya gak. bila ak dh siap masak ni, mmg cm dh xley cerna apa2 r.... rasa muak jerr.. ak kagum bila housemates dpt telan lauk kicap yg ak rs pijar kt lidah uhh. mmg ak nga dlm proses menghilangkan mabuk pd bau makanan nih...

hmmm... pasni kne cari resepi yg bes2 yg lbey mudah r, Beit Humaira’ dh mula system giliran memasak secara perseorangan. ak ni lak jnis yg suka campak, or suaiu dan padan kalo bab masak ni... terima jela... makanan yg paling sedap ialah makanan semasa lapar. begitu r Rasulullah pun suruh kita berhenti sebelum kenyang. kalo makan sampai tersandar bukan nikmat kesihatan jerr terjejas, nikmat kelazatan makanan tu pun akn malap jerr... perasan tak? bila sampai tahap kita cuba utk sumbat segala benda dlm perut, tak ke lama2 senak...

alangkah besnye jika ak ley msk utk mak ak, sbb ak antara ank pmpuan yg kurang gemar turun padang ke dapur. tau2 mkn jerr... huhu... hopefully kt kg. nti takde r kena hentam, cm tahun2 sbelumnya, dsbbkn sgt tak biasa masuk dapur n anggap ptt nya rumah ada org gaji, bukan mak or suri rumah yg dok kt dapur... abes menggerutu keratinized stratified squamous epithelium bini2 yg asik kje kne dok kt dapur jerr... haha... mngarut jerr ak. (perghh, ‘batu juga ada keras itu kepala dia!!! tinggi sgt ke darjat uhh pantang xley masuk dapur????)... Mak ak kata, “mak darjah 3 dh masak lauk utk family”

then ak diam jela insaf masa tu... heh. moga2 Allah sentiasa melindungi keluargaku... buat adik tercinta, moga berat badan ko tak naik sbb rindu kt aku, nasyeed ni khas buatmu... MUAH!

Ya Akhi

(translated to English)

Oh My Brother!

Come closer to me, don’t leave me, my brother

Oh you who are a part my spirit with, my brother

Oh my light of my heart, my guide, my brother

Oh my brother, Oh my brother…

(Chorus) Oh My brother…

Come closer, don’t leave me, oh my brother

(chorus) Oh you who are a part my spirit with, oh my brother

Oh my light of my heart, my guide, my brother

Oh my brother, Oh my brother…

The world around me, is in darkness and in corruption

So put light in my path and exchange my darkness

With your light, ah your light…

A dawn rising from the vision of a path that leads to Al-Jannah

Oh My brother…

You are a blessing of Allah, the best brother

Oh my brother…

I have nothing bad in my heart against you

In all times, I see you with me

Present you are in all times with me in my sadness and happiness

Oh My Brother…

Come closer, don’t leave me, oh my brother

(chorus) Oh you who are a part my spirit with, oh my brother

Oh my light of my heart, my guide, my brother

Oh my brother, Oh my brother…

All those around me are like a mirage,

A mirage that deceives…

That claims it loves me, and is true kindness

If my life becomes pure, then, ah then most of them…

Such a surprise (Ajaban), where are they in my times of hardship?

Oh my brother…

You have wala (love) without bara’ (hate/shaming away)

You are so loyal to me in friendship

You don’t treat me with kindness only for a want to fulfill

Mercy fillah, what a blessing of a mercy

With your face that lights, you treat me with kindness

With all the meaning of the highness and elevation

Reach out to me your right hand

So we could go together in the path of light

In the path of Iza (honor, dignity, and pride [of Islam])

If in my life, a misery afflicts me

You were there to help me get over my misery

(Chorus) Tired, Weakened I was the day you came to me

You cared for me, saw my weakness and gave me strength

With your face that lights, you treat me with kindness

With all the meaning of the highness and elevation

Reach out to me your right hand

So we could go together in the path of light

In the path of Iza

Oh my Brother...

Come closer, don’t leave me, oh my brother

Oh you who are a part my spirit with, my brother

(chorus) Oh my light of my heart, my guide, my brother

Oh my brother, Oh my brother…

She who He Hates Most

2010-04-13T03:36:00.003+02:00

Rs cm sayu jerr tgk blog post yg lama ouh… so ttbe rs cm nk mnaip di pagi (3.30 am) ni…

Ek eleyh… xde kje tol…

Suddenly this outdated girl got to this vid. Mngingatkan ak ttg sorg manusia yg sampai skg claim ak tipu dia. Yes, mmg ak tipu dia lepas ak tau siapa dia. By heart, ak tipu dia. jari jemari dlm video ni ingatkan ak kat dia, bukan ‘kenangkan’ ak kat dia. There WAS my dream watching him play. Cuma teringatkan DENDAM dia. Ak ulang, bukan melagha ttg dia. He said, “Yes that’s true’’ when I asked, “You made such grudge on me?”… post-high school thing. I decided to step back when I knew the real him.

Tup2 ak lari dari benda2 ngarut, masuk INTEC, then lari ke Egypt lak… Fuuhhh… xmo patah balik ke tempat yg xde hala tuju. And without any means, I made a vulnerable promise long time ago. Feels like a curse gak la… tah nape tah ak baik hati sgt tanya kaba nk tau dia ok ke x baru2 ni… Sah2 mmg tak okay r… paling teruk, mmg nmpk cm ak bukak luka semalam r kiranya… cehh… tlg r, Maya Dealove’s not so desperado… Padah juga, padah concern tak memasal… just ak hrp dia btul2 dpt lupakan at least muka ak mahupun spec ak walopun dia ckp, “It’s the pain you can never forget”(ak dibenci tahap gila)…

Apa2 hal pun ak x perlukan komen yg bbentuk PNGAJARAN or STUPID JOKE or “SIAPA DIA” utk post nih. U know, I really tried to cut off emotions in this post. Your bad if it’s too sentimental.

p/s: Believe me, it’s NOT feelings I posted here. It’s how much ppl can hate me as much I used to hate life back then.

Intermediate Despair

2010-03-01T20:43:00.017+02:00

I’m all drained. I’m all wasted, except by these present days. Seeing one of my dreams swaying before me. All that Maya Dealove can do; SEE, SMILE and SOB. Yea (cynical)... 3S goes for me... Yesterday I did my usual shine. All went on its track. I din’t collapse, neither worn out. Do not have the word to make ppl actually can feel this recent feeling. So let’s just refer our subject, “DARK SECRET did its usual cycle AGAIN”...

This morning thought that I would just do some relaxing reading (Physiology: Respiration) but I fell asleep. So that was the upshot, not bcoz I slept till 12 noon. I went to classes like I always do, but not in the same morning atmosphere. It was this nightmare. I mean, ALMOST A NIGHTMARE coz it looked so real. DO I NEED SOMEONE ELSE for this annoying issue? Till then, enough with 1 good person knowing this awful truth. Face the truth, Maya... PASTS JUST DON’T CHANGE. Not that I regret what happened in the past... I just... Arghh... Whatever. End of sentence.

Another metaphore; not so big deal. It’s like you know you’re a vampire, you were just afraid you’re going to sip blood AGAIN. The only thing was you haven’t made to your climax. You were still, a healthy, stable and almost recovered vampire. Now you’re a human. You really want to be a man like your friends. You want to live like you’re having good records. You hope that one you‘ve longed for will have same feelings like you do. Till today, you’re still crying too hard. I urgently need my long term memory for my course subjects, not for this nonsense.

As I am saying now, what I did in the nightmare, I just hate it so a lot. Everything will go random and ‘sweaty’ whenever I had that nightmare. But during the old high school days, I might be looking forward to that ‘sipping blood’ thing. Thankfully Maya Dealove still can count on her brain. Praised be to Allah for not letting me extend beyond His law. The saddest part in the nightmare was that I actually enjoyed “sipping the blood” and I did my very, very “best”... I was never been satisfied back there. Terrifying. Pathetic. I couldn’t stop. All were wasted. I really enjoyed my “sinned” moments>>> ‘SIPPING BLOOD’...

The absurd mood didn’t stop there. Went to classes, answered 2 Q. wrongly in Anatomy Spotting Exam, panicking at printing shop like a loser while there were much energy can be saved, and broke my nerves at home. FINALLY. To my beloved housemate Naqiyan Anis, sorry for saying, “Aku tgh btul2 BENGANG nih, so JGN SUH AKU STOP BENGANG” Guess that should be the focus now. I harmed ppl around me by my angry words too... Cheers (cynical2), girl! no word would help, except zikr or and prayers. Ended up in short termed plead. bleeding from inside. O lusts or devil or jins or mind... Whoever you are, you played hard games with me... Did I lose?

‘No one’s goin’ to care for this insignificant post. So no one would mind dull justifications. Be it a lousy post, be it a personal Dealove’s masterpiece. I would care less. Maya Dealove is stable, normal ECG. hmm~

moral: never let urself fall asleep without at least “Bismillah”... ya Allah, these bad flash memories are killing me. (sigh...)