Thick Blood

We only spent Eid holidays in Johor until the third Syawal. 

At the back seat, I asked my brother, "Kalau kau kena describe satu benda tentang aku, apa perkataan pertama yang muncul dalam kepala kau?"
"Pendek!" with his cunning smile.

I laughed. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I slept after dawn then woke up at about 10 am. I didn't have much time to prepare food so there were just french fries, almost burnt nuggets and chicken balls for him to munch at the hostel. So unhealthy. 

He was amazed at how fast I settled packing up his things. I took that as 'Thank you, you magical sister.' 

On that August 12, we safely arrived at Kolej Matrikulasi Melaka. Mak waved the warmest goodbye and off we went back to Klang. 

"Orang balik dari cuti raya bawak balik ketupat, rendang, kuih raya. Kita bawak french fries!" he joked.

But he didn't even had a single bite of those french fries because of stomachache. Claims that stomachache was since Raya. 

"Aku bagi kawan aku lah. Habis dah," he said.
"Kawan tak ada common sense. At least tinggalkanlah sedikit," I thought.

So I let myself imagine it was just my kind brother who said to them roommates, "Habiskanlah semua. Aku tak nak." 



p/s: just scribbling some small moments with big meanings.

Time Machine

I danced for the first time when I was 6 years old.

We all had our grand kindergarten ceremony hadn’t we?

Raja Nurfara Diba was my dancing partner.

Always remember her cheerful smile from rehearsals to performance.

What energy she possessed on that stage. So light and sincere.

Me? Apathetic look. Konon fokus.

I remember wearing make up for the first time, by Mak’s own hands.

Just for that single toddler occasion.

And I remember what it feels like to sleep. 

Convergence

Oral examination or maybe the whole clinical year left huge impact on me. Two papers passed. I have not given my 100% this far. 

Simple question, “Before that, do you know what is esotropia?”

I did not succeed to double read the last chapters. All came out blank. I didn’t dare to use whatever left in subconscious mind. All I know was that I didn’t double read that chapter. Hesitantly,

“…divergent squint…”

That nasty word, ‘divergent’. Such a humiliation to Ophthalmology and lecturers who taught us. To think again, I’ve memorized this too many times not to get confused.

eSotropia and eXotropia.

‘S’ comes before ‘X’. Hence, 'convergent before divergent' was how I remembered it.

Seriously, I deserved “Are you dumb?”  but they were so patient with student like me. There are more stupid answers but I am too embarrassed to share. I believe other classmates got better oral exam marks and moments than me.

I AM AN INSULT TO MEDICINE.

p/s: Lepas tu merayau-rayau kat member yang belum masuk exam sebab nak tahan nangis. Dahlah an insult, an annoyance pulak. Aduh.

Red Moon

It's dark and not Twilight: New Moon. 

Red Moon

Tonight that I have lost

A fight within myself

So intensely internalized

I think I have gone mad

I plea you, darling

Tie me all up

Some say fear locks us down

Hope sets us free

Just put me into captivity

I’d love that

At least spare some time

I had to keep the monster a little while

I could stand a little bit more

I have some duties on my back

Stay where you are

It is just this disease

It is killing me

No blood shall drop on the floor

No flesh shall be left wasted

I am but living corpse

But please my dear

Do not be such a sober

As long as I won't hurt others.

Maya Dealove, Wednesday, 29/5/2013 3:01 AM

If you noticed familiar lines, I intentionally did that. This poem is not so original. Just random words and how insane an insomniac girl can get. 

p/s: Pathetically sadistic and evil. Yikes.