Monday, December 6, 2010

With Grace

Congrats. because of my mouth, I scratched someone's reputation. I spoiled one's mood yesterday. My responsibility. It's a huge deal. I just wanted to fix things so badly. Am I not to work with people because of bad soft skills? Does this proved I can't actually talk well? Am I worthless to be given responsibility? I was in the authority to talk, to answer questions born by absence. Hmm... S S S Spoiled.

Checking. Checked!

Wallahua'lam. I believe yesterday was an obvious lesson.

"Fein fulanah?"
"Heya fi... err... fil fasl ghair"

-teet... can't get what M said, teet... ERROR ERROR COMPUTER CAN'T READ-

(deci-silence+various forms of ''Err... err...'')


"Heya ....(something2 I didn't remember)...khalis?" the elder said.

Nodding, nodding... Aduh, apa benda punya bahasa Arab aku goreng tu...
Yeah, nod you clumsy talker.Balik rumah cuak terus. Konon nak confess pd tuan badan terlibat. Porrah. Padan muka.

Then I knew it. The noise. The noise  of being upset or what the Malay called, 'terasa'.  Older hearts are more sensitive. 

The tense air at Dott Dott Dott. The unanswered "Ma'assalamah...". The act to stare at the mobile phone. My fault. My bad and my bad Arabic. Now I asked, am I belong here, to actually use my sluggish Arabic? Arghh. Peopple will say their kind lines such as, "Lain kali jgn salah ckp lagi kalau mcm tu..."

I see my stupidity because of this menace. I felt sinful all along yesterday. To be wiser, I should say, "mumkin enta tasAl fulanah binafsik?" Bijak tak bijak? It's more proper to listen the truth from whom deserve to explain, than to hear from other mouth (mine). Maybe it's destined by Allah for those words not to come out. Only He the All Knowing knows. C C C Clumsy M.

Teringat satu peristiwa, melibatkan cikgu EST aku. Ohh lamanya tidak berhubung...

Tak wajib pun ambil kertas EST tu dlm exam.Mungkin inilah yg dinamakan,

"el-Adab muqaddimu et-tibaa':>>> tarjim sendiri lah. Betulkan kalau ada silap taip.

Selama aku hidup, tak tahu pula ada cikgu yg terasa kalau murid tu tak beritahu kalau murid tu gugurkan subjek yg cikgu tu ajar dari kertas SPM. Masa aku boleh nampak ramai jugalah yg semacam lose hope dgn EST. Padahal EST itulah yg bantu aku zahirkan idea dlm kertas Biology, Physics dan Chemistry dgn penuh sentimental dan artistik. Dan cikgu tu pun mengakhiri kata-kata (Sebenarnya ada lagi kata-kata yg beliau ckp) hari itu,

"Tak apalah kalau awak tak perlukan doa dan restu saya. Pandai-pandailah awak. It's all up to you..."

Cuba bayangkan, boleh jadi juga kan benda-benda mcm ni?  Ingat boleh pandang rendah ke bab adab menuntut ilmu ni? Pesanan buat diri yg lemah dan utk semua, jgn ckp pasal isu-isu makro sampai berbasi-basi air liur tu kalau adab berguru dan menuntut ilmu tak ambil perhatian. Betul, tak boleh puaskan hati semua pihak. Maka aku tak hairan aku akn berhadapan lagi dgn situasi mcm tu. Cuma dialog lain je.Dialog Arab. 

M, jgn banyak mkn organ dalaman, nanti kurang bijak mcm semalam.

Tips: jika anda mahu keluar / undur diri dari sesuatu institusi (terutamanya bab berguru), cakap pd guru tersebut. Teguran buat diri sendiri yg pernah senyap2 hilang sbb rahsia gelap terbongkar.Tapi tu cerita lain. Ceh.

Amoi 2: Bila mau confess? Haha M manyak takot. Boo.