Monday, June 24, 2013


Oral examination or maybe the whole clinical year left huge impact on me. Two papers passed. I have not given my 100% this far. 

Simple question, “Before that, do you know what is esotropia?”

I did not succeed to double read the last chapters. All came out blank. I didn’t dare to use whatever left in subconscious mind. All I know was that I didn’t double read that chapter. Hesitantly,

“…divergent squint…”

That nasty word, ‘divergent’. Such a humiliation to Ophthalmology and lecturers who taught us. To think again, I’ve memorized this too many times not to get confused.

eSotropia and eXotropia.

‘S’ comes before ‘X’. Hence, 'convergent before divergent' was how I remembered it.

Seriously, I deserved “Are you dumb?”  but they were so patient with student like me. There are more stupid answers but I am too embarrassed to share. I believe other classmates got better oral exam marks and moments than me.


p/s: Lepas tu merayau-rayau kat member yang belum masuk exam sebab nak tahan nangis. Dahlah an insult, an annoyance pulak. Aduh.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Red Moon

It's dark and not Twilight: New Moon. 

Red Moon

Tonight that I have lost
A fight within myself
So intensely internalized
I think I have gone mad

I plea you, darling
Tie me all up
Some say fear locks us down
Hope sets us free
Just put me into captivity
I’d love that

At least spare some time
I had to keep the monster a little while
I could stand a little bit more
I have some duties on my back

Stay where you are
It is just this disease
It is killing me
No blood shall drop on the floor
No flesh shall be left wasted
I am but living corpse
But please my dear
Do not be such a sober
As long as I won't hurt others.

Maya Dealove, Wednesday, 29/5/2013 3:01 AM

If you noticed familiar lines, I intentionally did that. This poem is not so original. Just random words and how insane an insomniac girl can get. 

p/s: Pathetically sadistic and evil. Yikes.