Rhythm of Now, Seventeen No More

Ada orang hatinya sakit, langsung tanpa petanda. Mata di luar yang celik pasti terpanggil untuk membantu dengan segera penuh cermat agar dipastikan terserap mesej berhikmah. Orang yang rosak tak merasakan apa-apa, keras dan kaku. The kind of piece which is so friable and could irreversibly rupture anytime out of conscience. Bukan sifat teguh jika begitu, tapi sifat keras ibarat fibrosis tebal. Kes kronik.

"Orang kalau dah biasa melawan fitrah, lama-lama terbiasa dan tak merasa pelik langsung dengan benda pelik (tak bermoral, bertentangan syarak/ peraturan) yang dia buat." Diubahsuai oleh M, adaptasi daripada mentor usrah semester lepas. 

Ada satu jiwa yang ku kenali, berada dalam kalangan lebih kurang 7 billion populasi seluruh planet subur, manusia comel. Ia telah merasakan sakit sekali. Barangkali faktor luaran seperti desakan stres dan kepekaan optimum. Lalu ia berasa sakit apabila tersedar yang ia tercondong dari puncak sasaran azam barunya. Fuhh, jangan sesekali kau cuba menjadi kronik!

What's called distraction. What's called 'fable'. The forbidden dream. And it costs a broken heart moment after that, back in reality. 

"Ya Allah, inikah ujian untuk orang hebat? Aku redha. Atau inikah penanda aras yang aku masih di tahap yang sama? Aku malu."

Ia menanam rasa sayang, mencabut rumpai samseng beracun dalam hati setiap hari. Hatinya girang dengan rasa sayang kecuali pada suatu hari, kecelaruan menjerang darah mudanya.  Rasa seperti si fulan anggap dirinya/pertimbangannya jahat. Ya, hatinya pernah jahat. Kecelaruan bertukar kekacauan. 

"Ya, memang aku jahat. Aku akan betul-betul buat jahat. Aku akan ingkar isi penting nasihat engkau."

Duduk bermuhasabah jauh daripada manusia lain dan berbisik, "Nafsu kemarahan ini, mungkin kerana aku sedih tak bertempat. Aku yang menyebabkan kesedihan itu. Aku yang telah biarkan pengharapan berbunga-bunga,  tanpa bersandar kepadaNya, Yang Maha Mengetahui. Akhirnya bunga yang buruk dan berkulat buat aku sedih."

Finally she cried, "And I project the anger (in my heart by negligence) to the wrong person being at the wrong time."

p/s: Yang ini aku tambahkan kemasinan emosi sedikit. Tempoh hari kurang berpuas hati dengan selitan elemen2  artikel DotDotDot, percubaan pertama dalam hidup Sang M. Heh. 

Amoi 1&2: "If it is not you, it'll be someone like you combined with another blessed people. Combo!" quoted   from the character above.

              M:  Experience at home really made the girl doubtful on The Dream so she called it The Forbidden Dream. 

Ya El Medan

As you listen to one's experience, you'll meet successful and failed people in specific things such as competition, exam or even tackling one they fallen in love to. If this year you're sitting for Malaysia's well known big examination, Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM), you'll be confused, all anxious and curious about what is going to happen. Typical responses of meeting new events. 


During high school, when I was in Form 5, one motivator told, "Don't listen to failed people. They'll say to you that everything was too hard and terrify you."


Two years before (or maybe during primary school. I don't exactly recall.) one motivator said, "Failed people claim they had done everything or did the best but then failed whereas a succeed person is someone who's at first, hesitate what he done 'till he achieved tremendously, when people ask, "How?"." 


Wouldn't you agree? Like most rules, not always but commonly.


I knew all of the failure-alert responses are just normal psychological defense mechanism even before I take Psychology subject at Cairo University last semester. Of course, mother is a full time high school counselor. 


I lived for 20 years now. Alhamdulillah. Obviously, both success and failure are cures. Based on my limited knowledge, I summarize that you need accurate 'dose absorption proportions' for your own life story. Ordinary girl like me requires 90% from successful persons and 10% from failed ones. I suggest brave fellows  take both equally 100% where your profit will increase up to 200%. For ones with invincible mental components. 


We need to analyze a failure for we are responsible to put innovative measures in fixing errors in their problem solving methods. And so, the 10% lesson. Amateurs need motivation more. I was wrong as I scared one junior about circumstances in Medicine even my intention was just to make her prepared for any outcomes. They still lack of identity. Most of juniors unable to guide but need examples or guidance. 


It doesn't mean if you failed once, you'll fail forever. Especially Muslims, we are meant to be successful and guide human race to the right path. Girls, please do not  over-react after you heard of someone's failure. Take the lesson, learn (analyze), think and then act! Because failed people are meant to be muchmuchmuch MORE successful in the future and because they're strong ENOUGH for that particular failure.


I'm not speaking about failure. I'm speaking about success. My this year's personal theme is, 'Success and Greatness'. It will be a challenging one. The previous years were more laid back although I cried and forced myself to insomnia (thanks to caffeine) so that I finish re-memorizing the whole bunch of Anatomy books. Third year is like a transition from High School's  Form 3 to Form 4. 

WED (11 / 01 / 11) Pathology, 10 am - 12 pm

SUN (15 / 01 /11) Parasitology, 10 am -11 am

WED (18 / 01 / 11) Pharmacology, 10 am - 12 pm

SUN (22 / 01 / 11) Microbiology, 10 am - 11.30 am

May Mid-Year Examination be a medium of thankfulness of a girl to her Lord.

What's your El-Medan?

p/s: I've tasted D's in Additional Mathematics (I think but usually B's or C's), Chemistry (because internet addiction LOL), very frequent B's and C's for all Science stream subjects, History (Silly teacher. Just because I wrote in point forms.   :P) and still wondering how people constantly got A1 in those, not in SPM (where there's graph adjusting). Bila jealous dlm hati cakap, "Skema betul mereka ni A memanjang."  Mesti kau org takut campur risau, pasal prestasi aku agak berbahaya.