Stay the Same

masing2 masih belum terjaga... aku sorang je nga online skg dlm uma ni... semalam Beit Humaira’ buat open house dan ari ni ada open house Syukriah lak... Dgr kata uma nya sgt2 la camtik.. Huhu... Jeles lak... Apa2 pun, hari semalam berlalu dgn agak baik.... Agak seronok bukak Rumah Terbuka ni, tapi penat la gak... Ni yg tak terbangun2 kot masing... Adoiii... Bila nk buat visa ni...

Bygkan la, balik jerr dari Alex, mlm tu gak start buat desert ngn bahan2 lain... Thanks to Ina, Tasya, Aten Dayana, Yah, dan semua yg terlibat... Termasuklah siapa2 yg busy glerr kat dapur... hehe... Aku jgn harap arr.. Tak lupa juga bagi mereka yg sanggup dtg, iaitu para tetamu yg sanggup memanjat uma aku yg berada i tingkat 6 ni... terima kasih byk2... Baru la terasa meriah sket, ramai org.. uma pun kemas je kalo org dtg... ahaha... Apa2 la... Yg penting, bak kata ustaz semalam, “IKHLASKAN HATI KERANA ALLAH”...

Pasal perjalanan di Alex selama 3 hari 2 mlm, takyah lerr aku cter... ym jela ek??? hehe... sgtla byk hal2 yg boleh dceritakan sampai tak terkata2... lain tahun aku cter la...wokeyhh?

Aiyoo... adakah Teacher Lynn gtau psl borg alumni ke apa??? alamak... mcm iyerr jerr... teacher nk aku amek satu borg ni... of coz r utk diisi... huhu... jauh glerr aku tak mampu nk g skolah skg... waa~ tak kisah la.. aku dah gtau mak aku psl hal tuh...

masyaAllah... aku ada seorang kawan yg sgt selalu menangis... Tak paham aku... aku pun emo gak... tapi nk buat mcm mana... dia je yg tau masalah dia... kesahihan apa yg dia gtau kat aku takde la aku betul2 pcaye sgt... tapi aku cuma letakkan tahap kepercayaan aku pd peringkat sederhana jela... ni baru chatting ngan dia... malangnya connection tadio tak bape bagus... Aku doakan Allah memberinya jalan keluar yg tamam, yg sebetul2 jalan yg lurus... aku memahami betapa sukarnya kesukaran itu... dan sampai sekarang aku bertarung... tak pernah putus2... tak pernah ada manusia yg tidak diduga atau dicuit... tapi tak guna menangis pd masalah, sbab perkara pertama yg kita perlu selesaikan ialah kestabilan dalaman kita....tak guna menangis kerana makhluk yg tak punyai apa2... pesanan utk diriku juga...

Lobe

dah 2 januari skg ni, smua org ngan harapan baru, azam baru...
ak pn x ketinggalan...
ak rs smua org gembira skg ni, tp bukan ak kot sjak smalam...
ak dh mnyakiti ati org tanpa ak sedari.
adakah niat ak btul ms tu? ataupun skadar sbab ak ego ngan apa yg aku tahu... Sdangkan ak sedar, disebabkan ilmu ak yg ad ni pun terlalu sedikit... ak sampaikan sbanyak mana yg boleh... supaya 1 hari nanti kalo ak terlupa, Allah akn igtkan ak balik....Supaya sampai masa ak terjatuh dlm kelalaian, Allah yg maha mengasihani akn 'ajar' ak semula...
ak anggap smuanya perlu ada bukti... semuanya bermula bila ak mula ragu2 ngan kefahaman seorang hamba Allah n beberapa hari sebelum ak taip....

"salam"

then ak igt sje2 jela, sbg kawan, nk chatting2... lg pn ms tu ak still x dpt call adik ak... I thought everything was settled, rupanya that chatter a.k.a. friend still mad with me. beberapa hari sbelum tu ktorg bertekak la jugak kot... sbb out of sudden ak seperti memaksa dia... sdgkn pe yg ak smpaikan tu terlalu lah umum... Kdg2 ak sampai tahap rs mcm dia dah salah interpret tanda2 yg Allah bagi. Dia interpret yg dia tu sbenarnya di alam ghaib, seorang lelaki, so dia kata mmg sah2 dalaman dia seorang lelaki... Ak tak tau pulak ada benda mcm tu dlm dunia ni... Dan setahu ak la, pengetahuan manusia biasa mcm kita ni ttg alam ghaib sgt terhad, mcm 1 debu nisbah ngan debu2 y ad kt Mesir nih... tp dia snang2 boleh interpret mcm tu

Ak tau, ak tak patut taip jerr benda ni, tp ak coretkan seringkas mungkin... ak xtau lg pe ak ptt buat... ak masih bingung...

kali pertama dia ceritakan pe yg ad dlm mimpi dia tuuh, ak dh dpt tgkp...tp skg ni mcm ad lg benda yg missing... It seems too impossible. She said if she is sincere enough, she can just make thru all of these... I have faith on the 'unseen', no doubt, but from what she told me... I can leave positive response in my head for only quarter of it...

I was surprisingly convicted as someone who try to change ppl, by telling the truth. I understand if she just can't accept that truth I was conveying... Fine with that. I was totally pondered in great confusion for a person like that.

"U tu perfect ke?"

Dlm ati ni, nk jerr ak ckp, "U tu perfect gak kerr? takley terima kebenaran yg org cuba sampaikan?"

She's just seemed so unreasonable and ridiculous. I don't know why, I don't know if this comes from my ego or my faith... But I still believe Allah promised that no one shall born physically as a girl, then emotionally as a boy. It doesn't make any sense... And plus, she's not a case of khunsa... I don't know why, like she misinterpreted her dreams. Maybe this is a way Allah tests my beliefs, maybe this is the way Allah gives special gift to her, we don't know. As she claimed I am no difference to ppl who like to attack, tease her of being who she is and force to change herself...

Yes3... No one knows. And I don't judge ppl nor have rights to punish ppl of being gay... My hope was just so that she could think by heart and faith, not just thoughts or misty approximations... (reminder: most of us are wrong by punishing ppl, we absolutely don't have rights to do so. every1 is God's creations)

Maybe she's right, if I don't know anything, I better shut up. (and perhaps I shouldn't simply try to pass even 1 verse nor good advices some more???) Mungkin betul la ckp saudara seislam yg ak x pna bniat utk sakitkan ati tu, ak tak payah bg tau apa2 pd org2 spt nya...

Like she says, "u bg smua ni kat org yg slh" and "i kenal sape diri i. u tak kenal i siapa. who r u 2 give all these?" and " i dh berpengalaman ok..."

Mungkin dsebabkan dosaku, ak 'sakit' mcm ni skali... ak hrp dia x membenci ak, sbb kebencian antara saudara membinasakan... but i'm truly greatful, i'm improving now. still, like she says' "u tu pn x baik x yah r ckp mcm tu"...

Mmg ak yg slh kot. ak ter'direct' kt dia... Ak harap ak dpt smpaikan poin y ak ckpkan nih, "jauhilah dari naluri yg berlawanan ngan fitrah keimanan", bak kata blog saifulislam.com... Huh...
Ak berpegang, Allah dh janji, perempuan+lelaki... Tp ak juga berpegang, tiada apa yg mustahil bagiNya... So, kebenarannya? takde sape tau. Yg ak bimbang hanyalah kemurkaanNya disebabkan ak menyakiti hati saudara seislam ku tanpa ak sengajakan...