Lobe

dah 2 januari skg ni, smua org ngan harapan baru, azam baru...
ak pn x ketinggalan...
ak rs smua org gembira skg ni, tp bukan ak kot sjak smalam...
ak dh mnyakiti ati org tanpa ak sedari.
adakah niat ak btul ms tu? ataupun skadar sbab ak ego ngan apa yg aku tahu... Sdangkan ak sedar, disebabkan ilmu ak yg ad ni pun terlalu sedikit... ak sampaikan sbanyak mana yg boleh... supaya 1 hari nanti kalo ak terlupa, Allah akn igtkan ak balik....Supaya sampai masa ak terjatuh dlm kelalaian, Allah yg maha mengasihani akn 'ajar' ak semula...
ak anggap smuanya perlu ada bukti... semuanya bermula bila ak mula ragu2 ngan kefahaman seorang hamba Allah n beberapa hari sebelum ak taip....

"salam"

then ak igt sje2 jela, sbg kawan, nk chatting2... lg pn ms tu ak still x dpt call adik ak... I thought everything was settled, rupanya that chatter a.k.a. friend still mad with me. beberapa hari sbelum tu ktorg bertekak la jugak kot... sbb out of sudden ak seperti memaksa dia... sdgkn pe yg ak smpaikan tu terlalu lah umum... Kdg2 ak sampai tahap rs mcm dia dah salah interpret tanda2 yg Allah bagi. Dia interpret yg dia tu sbenarnya di alam ghaib, seorang lelaki, so dia kata mmg sah2 dalaman dia seorang lelaki... Ak tak tau pulak ada benda mcm tu dlm dunia ni... Dan setahu ak la, pengetahuan manusia biasa mcm kita ni ttg alam ghaib sgt terhad, mcm 1 debu nisbah ngan debu2 y ad kt Mesir nih... tp dia snang2 boleh interpret mcm tu

Ak tau, ak tak patut taip jerr benda ni, tp ak coretkan seringkas mungkin... ak xtau lg pe ak ptt buat... ak masih bingung...

kali pertama dia ceritakan pe yg ad dlm mimpi dia tuuh, ak dh dpt tgkp...tp skg ni mcm ad lg benda yg missing... It seems too impossible. She said if she is sincere enough, she can just make thru all of these... I have faith on the 'unseen', no doubt, but from what she told me... I can leave positive response in my head for only quarter of it...

I was surprisingly convicted as someone who try to change ppl, by telling the truth. I understand if she just can't accept that truth I was conveying... Fine with that. I was totally pondered in great confusion for a person like that.

"U tu perfect ke?"

Dlm ati ni, nk jerr ak ckp, "U tu perfect gak kerr? takley terima kebenaran yg org cuba sampaikan?"

She's just seemed so unreasonable and ridiculous. I don't know why, I don't know if this comes from my ego or my faith... But I still believe Allah promised that no one shall born physically as a girl, then emotionally as a boy. It doesn't make any sense... And plus, she's not a case of khunsa... I don't know why, like she misinterpreted her dreams. Maybe this is a way Allah tests my beliefs, maybe this is the way Allah gives special gift to her, we don't know. As she claimed I am no difference to ppl who like to attack, tease her of being who she is and force to change herself...

Yes3... No one knows. And I don't judge ppl nor have rights to punish ppl of being gay... My hope was just so that she could think by heart and faith, not just thoughts or misty approximations... (reminder: most of us are wrong by punishing ppl, we absolutely don't have rights to do so. every1 is God's creations)

Maybe she's right, if I don't know anything, I better shut up. (and perhaps I shouldn't simply try to pass even 1 verse nor good advices some more???) Mungkin betul la ckp saudara seislam yg ak x pna bniat utk sakitkan ati tu, ak tak payah bg tau apa2 pd org2 spt nya...

Like she says, "u bg smua ni kat org yg slh" and "i kenal sape diri i. u tak kenal i siapa. who r u 2 give all these?" and " i dh berpengalaman ok..."

Mungkin dsebabkan dosaku, ak 'sakit' mcm ni skali... ak hrp dia x membenci ak, sbb kebencian antara saudara membinasakan... but i'm truly greatful, i'm improving now. still, like she says' "u tu pn x baik x yah r ckp mcm tu"...

Mmg ak yg slh kot. ak ter'direct' kt dia... Ak harap ak dpt smpaikan poin y ak ckpkan nih, "jauhilah dari naluri yg berlawanan ngan fitrah keimanan", bak kata blog saifulislam.com... Huh...
Ak berpegang, Allah dh janji, perempuan+lelaki... Tp ak juga berpegang, tiada apa yg mustahil bagiNya... So, kebenarannya? takde sape tau. Yg ak bimbang hanyalah kemurkaanNya disebabkan ak menyakiti hati saudara seislam ku tanpa ak sengajakan...