Retreat

Ya Allah, is this a test for me? I am always aware you always there, watching me.Listening to even a tip of sayings in my heart. These days I kept questioning my intentions, were they pure or just another lot of Shakespere’s play. The unseen loneliness, is this a type of flaw? Is this a kind of notion that something bad will happen? Well I hope not. Na’uzubillahi min zalik.

Then back again, what actually I missed? What is just wrong with me? Bla3... I should induce more remembrance to Allah the Almighty, the Only God of the universe and the seas... La ilaaha illallah...

Unfortunately I am a person who keeps myself in silence. This is the other reason why I am so hard with people. I can’t go on with a pack of niggas, coz niggas juz won’t work for a person like me. I just can’t fit in this new society. (not mentioning about the Egyptians, coz they’re not living with me, their strange attitude are small deals to me).

Yes Mr. R, I remembered what u said, “I just like you the way you are. You don’t have to change. I want to see the other ‘you’”

Guess it’s all satanic games to make me doubtful of what I am doing and turn my back on those so-called ‘pain-killers’. I hope I’m not forcing my soul to be here. I just want to nurture my mind; I want to be closer to Allah. I want... err, no... I MUST clean it all. My personal records. I do awake that I have so much dark reputations in “The Deed and Bad Deed Book of ______” written by Raqib and Atid...

I just need a friend, a pal of full loyalty. And yes, haven’t I mentioned about ppl who can spell F-R-I-E-N-D-S-H-I-P right?

It’s almost 10, I natter with my brother by this time those days in Malaysia. We talk all about our friends, school, ppl we admire and idolise and about nasty things we do in school... hehehe... How I miss those times. How I miss the times I teach naughty things to my brother. HUHU.