Aku: Nape org (aku) dilahirkan mcm ni?
Mak: tak baik ckp mcm tu... Kan takdir Allah...
Aku: eee... tah apa2 tah org tu mcm ni, bla3...
Mak: dia kan ciptaan Tuhan, tak baik menghina ciptaan Tuhan...
Aku: mak, td ada org condemn+ejek org (aku)
Mak: siapa dia tuh? Kurang ajar nyerrr... Dia tu dh cukup bagus ke?
Aku: org teringin nk tgk dunia mcm org2 lain yg x pakai specky
Mak: Hmm... dah mkn supplement blueberry yg mak beli tuh?
kalo dulu, bole la mak ak defend aku kalo ada org rendahkan anak dia, kalo ada org buat anak dia mnangis... huuu... jd la ak bdk yg manja to the power of mega....
Sbab dia tau anak2 dia yg dua org je nih sgt2 sensitif... even adik ak yg laki, dulu sama je ngan ak geng kuat nangis bila org ejek2 dpan org ramai...
Tapi lama2 ak yg kne defend diri ak sendiri... kalo org senda2 kan aku pd bnde yg sensitif, perkara pertama yg berada dlm minda aku ialah mak aku... Jikalau ak ni bdk emo yg dgr music grunge, dah lama dh ak ucap, "Go to hell u suckers"... Tp bukan kah lebih baik muhasabah diri sendiri? hmmmm... ish3
Aku ingat lg kata2 kwn aku pd zaman hingusan dulu, "ko ni pakai buruk2 g skola... Npe r ko pakai ksut buruk ni..."
Tp aku aku balas, "Aku nk blaja g skola, bukan nk mlawa2..."
Kali kedua 'kawan baik' ak tu kata bnde yg lbih kurg sama, aku direct jerr jawab,
"baju ko lawa2 pun duit mak bapak ko gak...takyah la nak bangga2"
then 'kawan baik' ak lg sorg kata, "eee, takyah r ckp mcm tu dohh kalo ye pn jeles.."
Ahh, ko nk back up kwn ak yg dah terdiam tu kerr.. Hmm, nk sgt ckp ngan ak bende kuang ajo mcm tuh... Amek ar... By the other side, elok la member tegur psl imej... since I got hyper sensitivity with something related to the loved ones....
Sbenarnya kalo ikutkan, 'ak tak terkata apa2... Takde kata2 ley disusun ms tuh... Nahh, skg ni yg ak sbenarnya nk kata ms tuh, "...KO DAH HINA APA YG MAK AKU BAGI KAT AKU"
I have fashion sense too, but that time, for me it's not worth to be appraised of something which not belong to us. And all covering and functioning on our body are His... Dan caranya Allah bagi kat ak pd suatu ketika dulu, mak aku... Yg provide mcm2.... Kalo ak nk beli apa2, ak akan pikir mak aku... mak ak ada tak baju yg baru skg ni? mak ak makan apa skg nih? mak aku hepi x skg nih? mak aku stres ke skg nih??? Well, I hope she doesn't lose her shopping hobby at apparel stores forever. Heh.
Just today, the question forwarded to me. Let make things simple. Here it goes: whenever ppl apologies to me, " I'll undoubtedly say..."I don't like ppl asking for my forgiveness...
I know that it's the fact of manners. I appreciate that. I also appreciate SO MUCH that u just want to end our lectures with joy... WOW, what an awesome way... Wonder how am I going to deal with this weakness... I am so weak... Wow, x sporting nyerr ak... rilek arr... kan ke elok org gembira, gelak2... bes jerr ad gak org dlm dunia nih pndai gurau2... prasaan ak je tuh org mcm jatuhkan maruah ak dpan mak arab, pak arab nyanyi bnde yg ley goyahkan akidah byk2 kali... perghh.. takde kne tempias kt aku pun... student Msia yg sama kuliah pn suka cmtuh... Ptt nyerr gelak skali laa... mcm r ak xpna gelak....
Whatever3... these r the reasons y Maya Dealove is not someone u can ask for forgiveness:-
1) Ask for God's forgiveness is better
2) You never think of what ur saying whether someone will hurt or was that attitude a little bit too much for some people? Or ur act will get 1 heart broken? Oh yeah, that time u was enjoying ur much of a joke by making fun of ppl. Pheww.. that's fun...
It's simple to make apologies. But how many of us think before saying something? Maybe every time I feel offended I should cry so that 'they' will know? In my imagination, I just want to book a flight and go back to Malaysia or some place where pppl aren't 'stupid'...
No such thing as that. FYI, 'Alice in Wonderland' is a fake. And Cinderella too. Yepp...
For I know that was also a part of a way in which God replenishes my faith or diminishes my sins, who knows. That's why I don't actually respond to apologies. As whatever embarrassment or irritation hit me, could be by my sins. Allah knows the best.
Or it's just bcoz of this 'unfinished matter' of my past... When I was Form 2... Those twerps... I don't know. They are too jealous of me? The teased me with names, they hide my shoe... Then when I shut my bloody hell , mouth and lock my face to the surface of the desk, they say, "Sorry, (real name)..." In my heart, "shit3..."
then I,
"woi! DIAM ARR"
Dorang terus senyap, mcm org kebengapan. dlm hati aku yg gelap masa tuh nak jerr aku ckp, "DIAM ARR BODOH...bla3..."
Opps, ke aku dah ckp dah masa tuh??? keh3... rs nya 3 kali or lbey kot ak maki. I'm improving now kot. at least skg ak campur gak ngan org.
Dan disebabkan masalah yg bertimpa2 kat aku sama ada dari segi masalah emosi, family atau kekekokan ak mencari kwn... Aku mmg seorang yg sgt emo... ak xde kwn lgsung. ak kua asrama. senior ckp bnde provokatif sket aku terus nangis... last2 bila asrama tu takde air la, itula, inila..pantang2 takut setan kacau la... bla3... aku kua..puas ati aku..no rules, no commands...No saman2, no otak kampung senior or rakan2 sebaya... HUUU... I was free...
The saddest thing is that, ak ni ada calar balar parut fobia+trauma+kesedihan+kesepian ms silam... Sbb tu ak sensitif pd perkara tertentu...dan ms ak mnaip post ni, ak nangis... sbab dh lama org tak 'trigger' tear gland ak sekaligus bwk balik memori trauma silam aku ke bumi Mesir nih.... Aku berdoa supaya ak akan dpt hidup mcm insan normal lain... Ameen...
Pabila aku jrg atau susah mnangis pd satu2 masa tertentu, ttbe org buat aku nangis, org tu la org yg paling TERUK dlm dunia ni sbb ak takkan nangis sbab hobi, kebodohan atau suka suki aku. Cuma ada 2, 3 perkara besar yg boleh buat ak nangis dan skali tercetus... seharian ak x dpt nk hentikan air mata. biarla pe yg jd kter jdkan teladan... tu jerr... no heart feelings. Dan skali lg, aku takkan review atau ulas apa yg ak tulis dlm blog kat luar...
maksud>>>sape2 yg sibuk baca blog ak, takyah nk tanya2 ak berkaitan pe yg tercoret dlm blog nih... aku x suka. Sekian~
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