I'm a Big Sister and I'm Proud

Aku mendapat satu penemuan baru!!! Bukan penemuan saintifik, tapi penemuan aku mengenali lagi siapa sebenarnya adik aku nih... Adikku dah buat Myspace (ciss, ketinggalan zaman betul la... Haha)... Berdasarkan pe yg dia tulis kat profile, ngan ada grammatical error sket2 tuh... Ah, ta kosah la...Seolah2 impian dia byk kpd things related to computers and modern gadgets... Aku dulu risau, risau takut adik aku takde impian... So aku harap dia akan optimistik ngan impiannya... Amiin... Aku harap dia akan jumpa teman seperjuangan yg mendorong kpd kebaikan jugak... Aku harap dia takkan jumpa org yg tah apa2 kat Myspace tuh... Mcm aku tak tau...

Ckp psl Myspace, tu jerr yg buat aku takut. Aku tahu betapa adikku telah membesar... Betapa dunia dia akan lebih berkembang lagi lepas ni... So aku harap kematangan yg aku lihat dlm diri adik aku tak salah... Sebab setiap kali aku akan mula naik angin or masuk campur dlm benda yg aku tak patut masuk campur, adik aku yg akan halang aku dari burukkan keadaan.. Sebab aku dulu gila panas baran... Haha... Bunyi ganas tuh.... Hahaha.... Mmg kira darah panas la... (ahakz, sume manusia bdarah panas, tapi aku lebih panas kot...)

Sebab aku ckp psl impian ni, sebab aku pernah tanya adik aku, "ko minat nak jadi pe lpas ni?", "ko minat nak masuk bidang pe"... tapi dia suka jawab "entah la..."

So aku nasihatkan dia, explore la satu2 bidang... I mean, just take a peek which group is he in. Well, I used to take clinical psychologist as my peak goal. So I think I'll try to explore more this time... Stakat tgk adik baru buat myspace jerr beb, terus kakak mithali ni mcm sebak... Ahaha... Weyhh... satu2 jerr adik aku tuh... Adik laki lak tuh...

Aku terharu gila masa dia taip dlm email, "Call la selalu"... Ahakz... Yela tuh... Aku borak2 ngan dia pun gaya mcm nk ltak cepat jerr tepon tuh... Well, tulah gaya adik aku... Kadang2 aku rasa aku pun jenis org yg dingin mcm dia... Haha... Tgk arr... jgn nanti dah lama tak tgk muka, masing2 buat hal sendiri kat uma sudah... So aku kena keep in touch ngan my brother... sebab aku sgt la sng borak ngn dia berbanding ngan parents... Sebab tu jela sorang kawan aku kat uma... At least dpt la jadi muda2 sementara kalo kawan ngan dia... Yg pasti, adik aku sure gelak or kembang bila baca blog nih... Huhu...

eh2...raya korban nak dekat dah... semangat lak Beitun Humaira' nk wat open house...mintak2 event berjalan lancar semuanya...

Count Back with 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Ohh, kami tertinggal beras 5kg kat market...!!! nasib baik tak masuk dlm resit pun... kalo tak, mmg menangis air mata darah la... Aku rasa org Egypt main bantai jela yg sume org Asia tu org jepun(dalam ammi=yaban)...ada ke patut, penjual aiskrim yg ley tahan hensem tu tanya ktorang budak2 Beit Humaira’ ni org jepun ke org cina... eh, msia kurang terkenal ea???

p/s: terkenal gak la...!!! terkenal kononnya student msia kaya sgt..ahakz

Maka kenakalan Humaira’ girls pun bermula...aku yg baik ni diam jerr... ahaha... Tak psl2 bukan ajar dia bahasa Malaysia, ajar bahasa jepun... Cara Nazz ckp seolah2 mmg dia cerita ttg Negara (jepun) dia sendiri la... Kah3... maka si mamat arab ni pun dpt la 2 ke 3 perbendaharaan kata2 Jepun... Ala, stakat moshi2... everyone knows rite??? Apa pun, mmg tepat pilihan aiskrim strawberi yg aku pilih tadi... aku takley tgk benda2 yg pink or purple... yumm2...hilwun giddan!!!

Ada satu cerita:

Hari Jumaat yg lepas, aku ada chat ngan sorang manusia ni... Aku ingat dia professional... Aku ckp BM ngan dia, dia terus ckp BI ngan aku, seolah2 nak tunjuk yg dia pandai BI kot... Nk tunjuk high class ke aku pun tak tau... Apa2 pun, bukan itu poin yg aku nk gitau dlm blog ni... aku pantang betul org2 yg dlm bahasa kasarnya, begitu bangang otaknya... kalo setakat nak tgk pic, mintak jela... takyah la nak leceh2 ngan aku... Punyala blog aku yg paling teramat senang dia ley jumpa, dia tak jumpa2... Ttbe bila dah Jumpa, dia jumpa blog Nisa (.::the real me::.) punya blog berdasarkan gambaran blog yg dia bagi sgt kontra dgn blog aku yg simple ni... yg aku sgt la geram, “ohh, takde pic eh...takpe la..”

dan

“abes u expect i baca semua luahan ati you tu kerr”...

>>>Weyh, kalo ko malas baca blog org pun, takyah la perlekeh blog aku... kalo stakat mintak pic, mintak la...(walopun aku sure takkan bagi)... dahla facebook tak update, mmg sah2 r tak dpt tgk facebook aku...

dan

“freak songs mmg slalu best”

>>and what that supposed to mean? Ko ni mmg nak cari gaduh ke dlm chatroom or nak kata ko bagus because you r a total loser??? Pergi balik laa... Woi manusia, ko takde hak langsung nak judge lagu2 yg aku suka dgr... Aku tak suka betul bila org buat statement mcm tuh...

p/s: weyh, aku tak ketagih org baca blog aku la... dah ko asik Tanya mcm2 soalan bodoh kat aku, baik aku suruh ko baca blog aku yg bodoh2 ni gak... supaya ko faham...

Well, bukan semua org sama... Nanti kalo benda tu terjadi kat makwe or isteri or kakak or adik ko sendiri baru ko tau... But then, I hope you will become someone with brain next time. may Allah help you...

tah apa jenis manusia pun aku tak tau... Impression aku, “abes kalo ko tgk pic aku, ko nak x ray ke badan aku”...

Tu la aku pelik, “dlm gambar ni u ada tak?” eh, sejak bila aku rajin bagi publisiti murahan kat blog aku???? Patut la tak jumpa2... Aku rasa, dia direct URL blog aku yg ‘mayadealove.blogspot.com’ tu kat ‘Google Image Search’... Patut la... Mmg dasar kurang cerdik betul la... kalo aku, aku mintak je nk tgk pic... haa...masa tulah baru org yg dimintak putuskan peminta tu ley tgk ke tak...dan kalo dibenarkan tgk pic, baru diberitahu mana nak tgkk...sah2 takde adab...seolah2 mcm nak mencuri tgk pic aku... Aku mmg tak suka benda2 berunsur murahan termasuk baju yg nampak murah, manjadi mangsa fesyen, harga diri murah dan paling murah, pemikiran cetek dan kurang cerdik... dahla mcm excited bila dia tau psl my dark secret... I just know... sebab org mcm tuh chatting sebab nak excitement... I was not too disappointed though. I had been ready at the beginning to meet such stench in our society...

Byk betul soalan dia...mcm seolah2 that dark moment was just a bunch of hell’s shit, no big deal bagi dia... soalan yg jelas2 seperti satu benda main2 bagi dia... TU BAGI KO!!! well, it’s just a chatroom... No one will know me... sebab tu aku tak pna display pic aku sembarangan... so i said to him before I rush to Ust. Nazrul’s Class,

“sebab pmikiran org mcm u la ppl like ‘us’ can’t change”

that’s rite... Tulah antara satu lagi kesan2 bila org tak mahu memahami... Takde masalah pun ley selesai kalo dah mcm tuh... some ppl just don’t want to understand...

Unwanted: Extra Baggage

hypothesis was undoubtedly correct. Mom was worried about me... Breaking news, it was obviously my fault because I didn’t reply her message. Hmm... Aku tak paham pe masalah aku ni.. Hehe... Dah r mak aku terbaca newspaper pasal student Malaysia kat Australia kena rompak... Sampai trauma siott...mau tak risau kat aku bila mesej tak berbalas...

So, mak aku ingat something happened to me that I couldn’t reply to messages... Aduii... Pe kejadah la aku buat perangai mcm ni... Dah r sampai pna kena lempang sebab buat perangai mcm ni la lebih kurang, buat org tua risau... Aku ingat mak aku dah tak risau sgt psl aku sebab dia dgn beriya2 suruh aku belajar kat Mesir, I thought it was an approval... Rupa2 nya I am still, the ‘daughter of hope’... Huhu...

Malam semalam aku nakal2 lagi. ishh... Ni lagi pe masalah aku ni... Padan muka aku. Sisa2 ketagihan kot... Ahaks. Rasa ingin tahu aku mendorong dan mendesak dgn kasar... Aku tak berani berjanji dah pada diri aku yg aku takkan ulang perbuatan aku tu lagi... (time is running out by Muse)

Najah, sorry la tersangat2 budak2 Humaira’ yg berlima ni tak dpt nak dtg forum hari ni... Sume terbongkang jerr atas katil tu... Maka Maya Dealove berkata dlm hati, “Maybe dorang tidur sejam sebelum masuknya Subuh kot semalam”... Maybe sebab aku dah lama tak baca al-Ma;thurat kot aku jadi nakal sket semalam... Haha... Mintak maaf, mintak maaf...

Lat pernah berkata, “Benda yg paling kita benci tu la benda yg Allah akan bagi, supaya kita tak membenci setiap kejadian Allah tu”... Ish, jgn la pulak aku dpt laki gemok... Aku benci kegemukan dan anti pada org2 yg gemuk... haha... No offend.. Sebab selalu sgt org2 yg gemuk ni takley masuk ngan aku, perangai menyakitkan hati dan aku ada tendency utk cedera jika berada berhampiran org yg tersangat gemuk. Kali terakhir aku ada kawan yg dua kali ganda (or perhaps 3 kali ganda besar dari aku) masa sekolah rendah kot, aku takut betul ngan siku dia... Mak aihh... Melayang aku kang... And biasanya sebab salah pemakanan. Mmg aku nampak la cara dia makan... Mmg mcm aku tak berani cuit la makanan dia... Wee~ Tu yg paling aku tak suka. Dah la ada yg tak suka makan sayur... Tolong la, sebagai manusia yg suka member nasihat, haha... jagalah pemakanan anda wahai wanita2 sekalian... Kalo dah nak bergerak pun malas, jgn la complain kalo diri tu menggeleber... Kalau dah penat sikit pun dah merungut, duduk rumah jela kumpul lemak... hahahahahahahahahaha (ketawa jahat)...Whatever... Bukan topic obesity yg aku nak cakap hari ni... Apa2 la...I’m in a miscellaneous mood...

You're the Perfect Lullaby

Org kata kalo ttbe tak sedap ati, byk2 berzikir, dptlah mengingatkan ati ttg Allah. Hmm. Aku teringat kata2 yg tertampal kat salah satu bangunan2 Kasr el-Ain, maksudnya lebih kurang, "Ingatlah pada Allah sekiranya kamu terlupa." So mmg sgt la bernas kata2 itu... Aku baru jerr menjenguk profile member2 lama sekolah. Pastu ditambah ngan aku dgr lagu2 feveret aku masa lepas SPM+masa kat INTEC, huh... lagilah mengusik nilai sentimental yg ada dlm jiwa aku nih...

Eh, takkan la mak aku nga risau kat aku sebab dah lama tak dgr suara aku? Takkan la... Mcm mana eh... Takutnya... Eh, mintak2 esok hari aku selamat2 belaka... Adakah jiwa aku sedang memberontak dgn perubahan yg aku cuba utk buat pada diri aku ni? Bila terfikir balik, adakah aku akan terus istiqomah? Aku sgt takut jugak utk balik ke Malaysia. Tapi aku rinsu kat semua kawan2 lama... Ya Tuhan, jgn lah hati2 suci mereka berubah... Atau mereka lupa ttg hamba yg jauh ini... Isk2...

Ala, aku tak pelik pun nape aku rasa gloomy ttbe. Selalunya sebab hormon kewanitaan yg kompleks ni kot... So I'm not too over it... Yg fakta nya skg, kerinduanku pada insan2 yg bernama kawan2 lama tak dpt dibendung lagi... Aku masih separuh2 menerima hakikat bahawa ktorang ada impian yg lain2 atau impian yg lebih kurang sama cuma jalannya jerr yg lain2... Mintak2 la at least dpt la ktorang kje kat hospital yg sama (bagi yg bakal duktur wa dukturah), sentiasa terserempak dan masih tegur2 (for future ustaz and ustazah), atau tak kira la sapa2 baik mrk yg bakal menjadi pakar bidang perakaunan, perguruan, perniagaan, atau apa2 jerr...

Semakin jauh di mata, semakin dekat di hati... Cewah... Yo, Hard... Good luck in your upcoming exam this December...!!! To Alya Sakinah Mubinah (haha... ko jgn nak buang lak nama yg aku n Hard dah bagi ni)... All the best to you especially in ur EP, TOEFL and MUET (amek MUET kan??? Huhu... pening kepala nk ingat test2 ko)

Satu2 gambar exSAMTH aku tatap...kat facebook, kat myspace... mmg sebak la... sgt meruntun jiwaku... huuuu...

What You Were

Hari ni hari jadi aku. Aku tak tau r nape aku mcm tak suka hari jadi aku ni. Ahahaha... Bukan sebab dah tua, bukan sebab org tak wish. Tadi Amar baru wish... Huhu...

Bila aku dgr lagu Battlefield by Jordin Sparks, sgt menyentuh hatiku. Aku ni sgt la jiwang. Tapi aku tak suka laki aku jiwang... Haha. Gurau jer.. Suka je, tapi kalo yg bagi ayat2 jiwang tak masuk akal mcm “Kau bidadariku” “Tgk bulan jerr mesti teringat ayang”... Tak nak aku mcm tu. Ni bukan zaman rambut jambul ke depan, berseluar yankee... Kui2...

Apa pun, hari jadi aku ni menunjukkan sudah genap 18 tahun aku hidup atas muka bumi ni.
“Why is love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield”

Aku org yg menghargai melodi, yg mengamati susunan kata dan yg sukakan kecintaan. Aku org yg pernah salah mendefinisikan cinta sedangkan aku tahu definisi sebenarnya. Aku Cuma tak mahu percaya hakikat pada masa tu. So love is universal. Between love and hatred, there’s Maya Dealove. I am born in between love and hatred, between pain and pleasure and between loneliness and companionship. Then there’s me. I am born happy because I don’t know how to think by that time I was just newly born. Sometimes I hated the fact that I know more and more. Truth became excruciating. Seductions were stronger for a weak mankind. Then there was me.

To get 18 years old is more than receiving birthday wishes, cakes and gifts. I do not mind so much about those. All I just want is that I am stronger. Not forget to mention, more matured like what Faris says. Dear Faris, “You reminded me of a thirty year old chatter I’ve been ‘accidently chatted with in a chat room I don’t have to mention.” A good suggestion from a kind friend, "Get back to 18 years old aged boy, not 30's"

The conclusion is, I always got butterflies in my stomach when it is the date I was born. If only I do not remember that today is the 8th of November, I would be happy enough. I hate anxiety. Gosh, do I have to go to class today? Ahakz.

Weh2, kenal tak Justin Bieber? Tak kenal takpe... Saje jerr buat kuiz pagi2 ni. Siapa tu? Search r sendiri... Hahaha.... (kesengalan terserlah)

Sole Tune

pengalaman di mesir, bla3...


ari ni aku malas nak cter bab tu.

I am missing someone and i better get rid of that stench of misery in my mind. Between love and hatred, there's Maya Dealove. I want him so badly. Just stared at his Myspace profile just now. Yes, it's about Mr R today. I think it is more convinient to stay out from his figure, wherever in the side of my cerebral cortexes. Wish we were meant to be together. I guess not. I don't want my kids to become like him. I doubt what kind of father he would rather become one day. Still, I can't stop praying for him.May His bless and mercy opens his heart and change his untruthful way of thinking. I think, "He should had a brand new girl to flirt with by now..." Boys will be boys. Sorry boys... I hope no girl will go to hell with him. (Analogically)

Sob, sob... I dare to show this off though thousands would read because I do not care. I do not care whether the readers care or not. Think this type of post is too much common. So I bet no one will read this. 100% guaranteed. And if there are people who know, so what... I put too many shame in my life and now, tiny embarassment is just an itsy bitsy game to me. Not even a sing mother ******* stupid fellow will ever get what I am saying. And to that fellow, Please don't try to ask, sape yg u maksudkan dlm blog tu? laki ka pompuan? I can just smile, for a response to your silly foolish question, but you just don't want to know what I was saying in my mind. ANNOYING.

Upps, got my tongue untrained 'again'... Whatever. I censored the ******* word. that should be good. Thought my expectation was not that much high, so I was wrong AGAIN. Can't I have just one admired guy with some faith here? I know it's rather rude to ask 'why' to fate, but I wonder why did things had to be too harsh? They said there might be a better one for me. So I wonder who that person might be... In this world? In heaven? No one knows.

So called 'friends' who claimed to be so, damnly innocent would not understand. Not even a bait of my words. Guess I still do not have real friends for life, for good... 'They' or might beThat is what I hate about normal people because they have clean records and they will never, ever........ to the hell understand the words from my badly wounded heart. I know Mr R can understand these words but unfortunately, he could hardly accept the change I was trying to initiate into our relationship; specifically our relationship to Allah... I am Maya Dealove, a girl who's like just lbeginning to learn hijab. (Analogically okay... I am wearing hijab). I can laugh, I can make faces and damn, that worked 'so well'... people like me when I laugh but many of them stepped back by my tears, unwanting those tears to stain them. My dirty tears. Haha. Thinking myself still hadn't found a some kind of 'friend indeed', I felt damn lonely. Oh ya, God is watching... MUST watch out the things I'm saying, doing and thinking...