Sunday, November 1, 2009

Sole Tune

pengalaman di mesir, bla3...

ari ni aku malas nak cter bab tu.

I am missing someone and i better get rid of that stench of misery in my mind. Between love and hatred, there's Maya Dealove. I want him so badly. Just stared at his Myspace profile just now. Yes, it's about Mr R today. I think it is more convinient to stay out from his figure, wherever in the side of my cerebral cortexes. Wish we were meant to be together. I guess not. I don't want my kids to become like him. I doubt what kind of father he would rather become one day. Still, I can't stop praying for him.May His bless and mercy opens his heart and change his untruthful way of thinking. I think, "He should had a brand new girl to flirt with by now..." Boys will be boys. Sorry boys... I hope no girl will go to hell with him. (Analogically)

Sob, sob... I dare to show this off though thousands would read because I do not care. I do not care whether the readers care or not. Think this type of post is too much common. So I bet no one will read this. 100% guaranteed. And if there are people who know, so what... I put too many shame in my life and now, tiny embarassment is just an itsy bitsy game to me. Not even a sing mother ******* stupid fellow will ever get what I am saying. And to that fellow, Please don't try to ask, sape yg u maksudkan dlm blog tu? laki ka pompuan? I can just smile, for a response to your silly foolish question, but you just don't want to know what I was saying in my mind. ANNOYING.

Upps, got my tongue untrained 'again'... Whatever. I censored the ******* word. that should be good. Thought my expectation was not that much high, so I was wrong AGAIN. Can't I have just one admired guy with some faith here? I know it's rather rude to ask 'why' to fate, but I wonder why did things had to be too harsh? They said there might be a better one for me. So I wonder who that person might be... In this world? In heaven? No one knows.

So called 'friends' who claimed to be so, damnly innocent would not understand. Not even a bait of my words. Guess I still do not have real friends for life, for good... 'They' or might beThat is what I hate about normal people because they have clean records and they will never, ever........ to the hell understand the words from my badly wounded heart. I know Mr R can understand these words but unfortunately, he could hardly accept the change I was trying to initiate into our relationship; specifically our relationship to Allah... I am Maya Dealove, a girl who's like just lbeginning to learn hijab. (Analogically okay... I am wearing hijab). I can laugh, I can make faces and damn, that worked 'so well'... people like me when I laugh but many of them stepped back by my tears, unwanting those tears to stain them. My dirty tears. Haha. Thinking myself still hadn't found a some kind of 'friend indeed', I felt damn lonely. Oh ya, God is watching... MUST watch out the things I'm saying, doing and thinking...

No comments:

Post a Comment