Tuesday, October 27, 2009

"I can't tolerate with your religous culture": A Letter from Maya Dealove

"I can't tolerate with your religous culture anymore"

Hey, thanks Mr. R. Oh, you are a suffocation. Falling in love with you is a drug to me. Thanks for those hurting words. For you, I owe you something. I know but on second thought, I owe you nothing. I'm sorry I can't fulfill what you want. This heart really wanted to say, "let's change to the better." but I guess I had forgotten to extrude the words hadn't I? I'd never thought this is it, this would be as serious case or neither would I expect it would be really heartbreaking like this. I had never given a thought on a guy so much, not as badly like I am thinking of you, right now.

I don't know what to do. Our environment, pathways and cultures are totally different. There is only one similarity between us, that chemistry we used to enjoy during our first acquaintance. I didn't expect I caught your eyes or your heart. All I know for the first time, I was just having fun. In another version of harsh words, I was flirting with you during the first time we met. I knew I wouldn't fall to any guy as I've been hurt so much.

I don't know. I just can't see. I doubt when you say you love "the whole of Maya". I doubt your heart. Sincerely, when I said "I had let go of those 'hot' stuff' we used to rejoice" I really meant that. You still can't accept the way I want myself to be. I want to be somebody I want to be. I want to return to a place that I should be all along ago. People makes mistakes and I want to repel those meaningless actions and perspective to a happy ending. I want real relations. I will spend my whole youth for a first degree. At the same time being, I hope we can be more matured. I want you to be my lover for life. I want to be the best lover, just not like this. You will spend your time in the course you're taking. I really hoped that in these years, we could just change. It's hard and painstaking for the first time. Believe me, it's all worthy. Let us know God and not to separate our religion from our lives. It's part of us, you see.

"I'm a guy" "I can change"

So if you change, it's up to you. The saddest thing is when you go away; that is go away from the road I've been trying to adapt with all my heart. How I wish we will be together, in a real relationship. Ypur 'letter of guarantee' is not the same as mine. What you want yesterday will never guarantee us to be together forever. Maybe you will say, your loyalty is no more to be questioned, I have faith on that. Still, I don't take those 'stuffs' we used to enjoy for the last time ago. I DON'T enjoy those anymore. Not today. Plus, those past actions whichI did will just bring tears to my eyes. Sorry that you were inside that past. Sorry that you just can't tolerate with what kind of change I am trying grasp now . I'm very sorry that 'unfortunately', religion is the part of us. You said, "think about this relationship (fragile relationship) carefully" twice or more. And my answer is the same. May I am amongst His strong slaves.

"Happiness not always seems to look easy. But that eternal happiness of which I'm trying to invite you in is what matters for me."

-Maya Dealove-

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