Alone

As I had finished my last minute dinner (of which by last minute decision, as I thought I was going to skip dinner tonight), my eyes rotated to a point where one INTEC student stood. Am I homesick or what? I started to think about my one and only brother. That boy, seeming like he was returning from buying some food was like waiting for something, or waiting a moment he will feel utmost confident to go back to the hostel. My brother is not a confident one in doing things alone. Maybe I was wrong, we can't judge a book by its cover. Maybe it's true he was waiting someone. Maybe he thought, 'Where on Earth my friend is now?"

Seeing the boy standing alone before crossing the road, I questioned myself. How would I go further to get my first degree if I am not by my brother's side? I never approve him doing things alone because if possible, I want to keep on eye at every single thing he was doing daily. What might he is doing now tonight? Has he did his homework? Is he ready for school tomorrow? As the elder sister, this always runs into my mind. What would my brother be without me? Or who will guide him and who will teach himself about being assertive and not being influenced by bad elements around him? My brother is a boy, one day he is the man, he is the hope of our family. Therefore I am sure lots of wears and tears are waiting for him one day.

When I told about this worry to my pals, they will most likely saying, "Have a little trust to your brother." I do trust that one piece of descent body, but I do not trust foreign people around him; a.k.a. his friends. I do not know if those who have more than a younger brother or sister will feel the same way as I am. But one thing is for sure, he is the place where I tell my secrets and the head I can argue with without worrying about forgiveness, as brothers and sisters always forgive each other. Well, he should be rady to be only son, as he will face days without his sister, whether he wills it or not.

So, when I found out what is it like to be in the university environment, I supposed, how far can I leave my brother like that? Would he be able to get into this survival of the fittest? Hope he'll find his way then. He is a boy. What if the other boys are stronger of him and taking his presence for granted? Gosh! Too many assumptions and questions. I imagined myself in ten years to come that I will drive my brother to his college and helping him with the registration. I like to think about the future and now I am planning for the best.

The sadding part of all, next year he will be sitting for his PMR examination. By that time I am not on the land of Malaysia anymore. I remembered a night just before UPSR examination will start, I gave him last minute tips. I am sure it had worked. My brother got all A's in UPSR examination. Every single event are so important. Especially when it comes to my brother. I swore to myself to make him happy before other people when my parents are gone. Upps, have i mentioned this 'brother and sister' thing in my last post? Like I care! From now I officially pronounce the new theme of this blog as the 'emergent emotion which never speak'. Haha.

Melancholy Chronology

I don't understand about many things. I can't even understand myself. While we as the students whom in preparation for entering medical course is searching for lots of complex terms in Physiology, Biochemistry or Biology, we do not understand who we really are.

Tonight I am being a little over-melancholy, because it is my nature. It's just that the breeze came through very huskily, embarking that mood. And while I am typing in today's post, the air of the night soaks into my skin. Aisyah Aina almost 'thrown out' because of that sentimental phrases and poise I've spitted.

Praised be to God, I am now becoming more focus. I hope The Almighty grant my wish, which is to get more concentration on what I am doing. Hyperactive? Oh, no! You're mistaken. I do not have such disorder okay. Today at the library finally we finished the whole 'mocking role-play script'. Never expect I would get the idea. Well, that is what pair or group discussions are for; to discover ideas and to unlock the creativity from our unconscious mind.

Never have thought we will be intoxicated till 1645. Wow! Awesome... Back to our hostel, I felt really tired but satisfied. At least I do not delay whatever I've planned for today.

52 Hours Non-Stop Multilingual Public Speaking

The days have rose but I wait for nothing but progress blooms in our common days. Time seemed relax, but neither could we rest by it. I have not start to put anything in my MEEL 01 subject Folio, but I've gathered some details about the disease I wanted to present in front of our dearest lecturer. My aim for this week is to start typing.

But for this second, it is not about those obligated assignments I want to unveil, but it is about one craziest thing I ever did in my life. At about 0300 or 0315 on the 23rd of June 2009, I did my first Arabic Language Public speaking. It was such a metamorphosis in my life. Thought of staying in English Language specialties when speaking about non-academic matters, but I asked myself, "When will I do spoken Arabic language? Must do something!"

Long time ago I almost swore not to involve in any events related to spoken Arabic Language. That is why, once again, I cannot believe I did it. Wow, was that me talking in Arabic Language there? Someone called me right at 1208(according to my mobile phone's clock) and mentioned, "Is this ?"

So I just answered, "That's right."

He then replied, "So you have to get ready by now, okay. Just to make sure you come earlier before you start speaking."

I thought during the briefing, arriving two hours earlier before our own turn for public speaking comes was a total joke. Therefore I was wrong. When people call me in the middle of the night, of course I will start to become panic, just not fully freaked out yet. In quiet a heavy drowsiness, I forced myself to neglect the soothing bed sheet.

I thought my memorizing skills were enough, but truthfully, I need at least a week to get into my script. With script? What kind of public speaking was that?

Well, I do not know. I wonder how the public speaking contestants start working on stage. With spontaneous but well arranged phrases, statistics, quotes and idioms, how they can even talk marvelously? How amazing!

I am not an expert at speeches, as I only managed to achieve second place in state level elocution competition. However, the best way to deliver sorts of formal speeches are by your heart, straight from a sincere soul. You may get the ears of your audience, but it is not worthy to act hypocritically. Just remember, speeches are an advice. So take a note that you will not only advising others, but also you are reminding yourself too.

Understanding is everything. We get stressed out if we just cannot understand. Could you just chill yourself if you do not understand what the lecturer was saying to you? To act like you are relaxed and fully understood, that is another thing, and it could cause you more trouble I may suppose.

There are different ways humans convey information to others. My favourite style, I usually start my elocution by singing. I just sing a short chorus of songs that praise God and His Messenger, Our beloved Prophet (pbuh) to get everyone into the mood. As you can see here, I used to get involved in religious speech competition.

Maybe for the time being, let me take a rest from those competitions and more focus to my studies. Whatever it is, to deliver a speech or to give lectures to other people is my passion. Haha. If I am retired doctor, I'll may become a lecturer to present my experience to the new generation. Hopefully so.

Smell: Smell What?

Simple riddle, what comes after a Biochemistry quiz? The answer is Physiology Quiz. Hooray! Cheers to the girl who has not finish revisions. It's Maya Dealove. Hardly forgetting about the incident where maya Dealove left a blank in that slick Biochemistry quiz, she won't quit. Well, the former quiz was not that slick after all. Simple quiz, but maybe I was the one being too paranoid. Next, Physiology Quiz coming up! I'll do everything to finish my revisions. Yeah, go girl!

So back about these whole college scenes. First word comes first, 'hectic'. First time is always busy. First time is always anticipating and full of suspens. To my tiny heart, unlike high school's homeworks, university (or at least pre-university) assignments are awesomely tough. I'm learning to become the thinker, not just based on solid theories, but also in a way that I can create my own range. I mean, I can smell it. Smell what?

It happened that every time we got to move into our tasks, researches are required. From researches, we gain more in terms of understandings and additional information. Like an old pal said, "Get through it untill you can smell it!" Lierally, in my own silly philosophy, smell means feel. Knowledge is like food. If you can't even smell it? How would you get the tantalizing tastes right?

And my first thought, there will be elements really close to what we are learning now, basically. This kind of learning method is so cool! But then, there is a catch. You must also chase after unforgiving time. Therefore, we as a student by hook or by crook, had to compete with time. Talking about compete, one of my principles is "It's not competeing with others, but it's competing with yourself."

Speak!

Like always, I did not fall asleep during MEEL 01 class. We just won’t feel sleepy in that class. Other than provocations, there were lots of discussions all way through. One question needed more than half an hour towards its exact answer. Well, one of the topics I can still remember is about ‘non-starchy vegetables’. Lots of arguments get into our way and it was clearly a healthy kind of debate. This reminded me of my debates with my old school friends. The fact that one day we discussed about social issues after class took us about one to two hours. When we start to do the talking thing, there will be absolutely no such thing as ‘time’s up’ or ‘it’s been too long now’. That’s right. One topic leads to another and the list goes on.

I think I am satisfied for today. Can’t wait for another life’s episodes. Wow! Tomorrow’s the day where we’ll have our first quiz. It’s biochemistry ladies and gentlemen. Hmm, chemistry, my favourite subject. I still doubt if I can make excellent answers for the Biochemistry quiz questions. Well, you’ll never know until you try.

I’ve studied the topics related to the questions in the quiz and I need to add some essence into my revisions. There you go! Maya Dealove, you can do it! Could not fool myself that I am forgetful too. So I better calm down so that I can think right. Yesterday when Miss Hasnaa asked us do dash into writing whatever we want, I wrote about colours. I was shocked that there were some of us who wrote long paragraphs! And there was even a student who wrote in three paragraphs. Me? Hehe… I wrote just one over third of the page.

Now I am addicted to stay back at the library, with its silence, cold temperature and the smell of the books. What a tranquility… I love places with lots of books in it, despite I do not read much except for academic purposes. I might have to consider if there is something suspicious about my blood circulatory system or my hormones. I sweat a lot at certain times. To other factor, maybe it is because of temperature change. When I was working part time in an air conditioned restaurant, I get sweating most of the time, by which without air conditioner presence. That was odd because during school time, I do not feel hot that easy. I even feel cold when my mother says, “It’s so hot in this room.” Like Aina, my room mate said, “You’re a metabolism rocket, don’t you know?”

A Shoulder to Cry On

What if you had been chosen to help people? Or what would you do if someone is in the trouble you would never being in? I bet we as the 'normal' persons have never been bugged by these questions. But have we ever wonder what is it like to live in the darkest path ever? Beneath these contemporay smart looking students, could you guess if he or she have been into any kind of slithering darkness?

Yesterday I called that friend of mine and I'm pretty much sure she needed help. I told her that the problems she had now came from her own decisions. I adviced her to take wise actions, intead of going into a way influenced by terror and desperation. My message yesterday to her,

"Do not feel alone because God always watch you, do not afraid to try to the better because your fate is in His hands. When you are all by yourself, find someone who can guide so that satan's seduction will not invade you."

Like in the second time in my life I asked her, "When are you going to change?"

Commonly, any human being have the capability of making excuses. I understood though. It's not easy to change someone else, but it's harder to change ourselves. Every night and day I prayed for her best, hoping that one day she find that enlightment in which to save her mind, body and soul. She chose the wong way, and she should turn back before it's too late.

It's been a long time I haven't heard about her, but two or three days ago I found out that she made herself into another hot soup! Dear friend, when will you ever get it?

Then whenever she got a problem (she usually got herself into big predicaments) she'll call me or make me to call her. During Biology class, she sent an SMS saying she needed someone to talk. Of course, we have our priorities. I was more concern to get deep assesment to my lessons that time. So I ignored and decided to call her during lunch hour.

Right at almost 12.30 pm, she didn't answer. I hope there's nothing bad happen to her. This was not Maya Dealove's first case. Indeed, she is not the official counsellor or psychologist, she is the shoulder to cry on.

Whatever

Breaking News- Maya Dealove had taken the whole attention of the people in the Rapid KL bus yesterday. She was suspected to lose balance when the driver did the lapping. The victim, a female UiTM main campus student. The student looked pretty shocked, perhaps still in trauma by the current occurrence.

Pooh, it’s not my fault though. That was the second time I almost fell down in a Rapid KL bus. However, yesterday’s was the worst. My roommate even added that I had also stepped on someone’s feet while trying to get my body balance back. Not forget to mention, I think I accidently pushed her shoulder and by that time she was sitting. Hmm, it was quiet a huge force. Oh dear, sorry… I said sorry and it’s not enough. I covered my face with the X-ray envelop.

If you think the girls’ laugh was the loudest, you’re wrong. I had humiliated myself, and I was the first to burst out, laughing. Whatever…

Then when we have to exchange our transport, I said, “Enough, no more bus.”

So off we went to our hostel at Section 18, Shah Alam safely. I told the two other girls who was now taking preparation course to Jordan, “If the secret is prevailed, it’s because of you. remember that.” But now the secret is known, and that’s because of me. Haha.

INTEC: Goodbye Home (Chapter Two)

(This is the 2nd June 2009 post)

Things have been calmer these days. I had already prepared next English for Pre-Medical Student presentation. Yesterday I said, “That’s it for tonight,” Without alarming notice, the clock needles pointed to 12 am. I got my good sleep, wake up the next morning, get all dressed up and went downstairs and get on the bus.

So as usual, I felt uneasy and I did not know why. Did I left something? My purse? Was it my pendrive? Or perhaps my notes? Then I felt pity for a guy who was clearly about to ask the bus driver to stop, as he left something at the hostel. Too bad, it was too late.

“Oh my! Knew it!”

I was too obsessed of the assignments and catching up for the front seat at the class. Hush, I tried to text Nik if she still in the room. Another element of shock; all my room mates had taken their board on the bus. My bad luck. I left my English textbook at the hostel.

‘Bad luck’. Often I reminisize back those past sins I’ve done. Maybe this was one of the compensation. Or maybe this is only a test. The most theoretical possibility, monosodium glutamate level in my neurones reached upon limits and that caused I lost some memory (have not done further research about that). Clumsy, yesterday night I stared at the green book like it has nothing to do with tomorrow’s lesson. I think I need good memory management in my mind. There were times I got twisted with my words or speaking using upside down words. Can you imagine your friend saying, “book, I give you already, library,”?

When I get there, at INTEC I went to another option. Aha, Aisyah Aina… She got English class too today. I asked at what time was the class and marvelous, I borrowed her book and promised to return it right after class. No big deal, I dealt with these back in high school. Moral of the story, if you are a doctor, steer clear of carelessness because your patient will meet death if you repeat the same foolish mistake.


“What? Today we are going to present our discussion results? What happened to me? The info I get was, it is going to be tomorrow, this 3rd of June.”

Do not say that now I’m being a deaf silly girl. Argh!!! The slides were in my laptop, and the laptop was at the hostel. Serves me right! Like I said, I always get stuck in silly fall. It’s like you’re getting 79% score, almost reaching passing grade. So it happened to be a verbal presentation.

Alright, I have done with today’s presentation. Today’s presentation, checked!
Now I am recognizing pathways to a small number of blocks and departments in INTEC. I tried to explore them by myself for a thrill and I know how to remember their locations based from reference points or signs.

However it is, the day has ended and it’s almost time to go to bed. Ya Allah my Lord, may tomorrow be a better day than today.