With Grace

Congrats. because of my mouth, I scratched someone's reputation. I spoiled one's mood yesterday. My responsibility. It's a huge deal. I just wanted to fix things so badly. Am I not to work with people because of bad soft skills? Does this proved I can't actually talk well? Am I worthless to be given responsibility? I was in the authority to talk, to answer questions born by absence. Hmm... S S S Spoiled.

Checking. Checked!

Wallahua'lam. I believe yesterday was an obvious lesson.

"Fein fulanah?"

"Heya fi... err... fil fasl ghair"

-teet... can't get what M said, teet... ERROR ERROR COMPUTER CAN'T READ-

(deci-silence+various forms of ''Err... err...'')

"Heya ....(something2 I didn't remember)...khalis?" the elder said.

Nodding, nodding... Aduh, apa benda punya bahasa Arab aku goreng tu...

Yeah, nod you clumsy talker.Balik rumah cuak terus. Konon nak confess pd tuan badan terlibat. Porrah. Padan muka.

Then I knew it. The noise. The noise  of being upset or what the Malay called, 'terasa'.  Older hearts are more sensitive. 

The tense air at Dott Dott Dott. The unanswered "Ma'assalamah...". The act to stare at the mobile phone. My fault. My bad and my bad Arabic. Now I asked, am I belong here, to actually use my sluggish Arabic? Arghh. Peopple will say their kind lines such as, "Lain kali jgn salah ckp lagi kalau mcm tu..."

I see my stupidity because of this menace. I felt sinful all along yesterday. To be wiser, I should say, "mumkin enta tasAl fulanah binafsik?" Bijak tak bijak? It's more proper to listen the truth from whom deserve to explain, than to hear from other mouth (mine). Maybe it's destined by Allah for those words not to come out. Only He the All Knowing knows. C C C Clumsy M.

Teringat satu peristiwa, melibatkan cikgu EST aku. Ohh lamanya tidak berhubung...

Tak wajib pun ambil kertas EST tu dlm exam.Mungkin inilah yg dinamakan,

"el-Adab muqaddimu et-tibaa':>>> tarjim sendiri lah. Betulkan kalau ada silap taip.

Selama aku hidup, tak tahu pula ada cikgu yg terasa kalau murid tu tak beritahu kalau murid tu gugurkan subjek yg cikgu tu ajar dari kertas SPM. Masa aku boleh nampak ramai jugalah yg semacam lose hope dgn EST. Padahal EST itulah yg bantu aku zahirkan idea dlm kertas Biology, Physics dan Chemistry dgn penuh sentimental dan artistik. Dan cikgu tu pun mengakhiri kata-kata (Sebenarnya ada lagi kata-kata yg beliau ckp) hari itu,

"Tak apalah kalau awak tak perlukan doa dan restu saya. Pandai-pandailah awak. It's all up to you..."

Cuba bayangkan, boleh jadi juga kan benda-benda mcm ni?  Ingat boleh pandang rendah ke bab adab menuntut ilmu ni? Pesanan buat diri yg lemah dan utk semua, jgn ckp pasal isu-isu makro sampai berbasi-basi air liur tu kalau adab berguru dan menuntut ilmu tak ambil perhatian. Betul, tak boleh puaskan hati semua pihak. Maka aku tak hairan aku akn berhadapan lagi dgn situasi mcm tu. Cuma dialog lain je.Dialog Arab. 

M, jgn banyak mkn organ dalaman, nanti kurang bijak mcm semalam.

Tips: jika anda mahu keluar / undur diri dari sesuatu institusi (terutamanya bab berguru), cakap pd guru tersebut. Teguran buat diri sendiri yg pernah senyap2 hilang sbb rahsia gelap terbongkar.Tapi tu cerita lain. Ceh.

Amoi 2: Bila mau confess? Haha M manyak takot. Boo.

Eidul Adha's

Yeah, semua dah terbengkalai tidur. Ada feel sikit nak menaip mencurah perasaan. Aku tak penat lepas beit Humaira’s Open House for Eid Adha siang tadi sbb dah tertidur lepas Maghrib. Tahu2 ‘Kakak2 VVIP’ @ kakak2 sayang sampai. Mmg dah reserve makanan utk mrk. Huhu. Kedengaran suara2 sayup penuh ceria, tapi ambil beberapa ketika sebelum hilang mamai.

Post-mortem? Selaku ahli Beit Humaira’ (thn ni jawatan ketua rotate pd Siti Shahirah, harap maklum), mmg puas hati. Everything worked as planned. No need for plan B, all guests cooperated well by not to involve in any food preparation.  Senang ckp tak ada yg kena susah2 tolong. Semua dah siap. We set up 2 simple rules today:-

No helping out in the kitchen

Please eat, eat, eat and eat! Bleez! Arghh!

I was so excited the night before, that I enjoyed smashing the rice for Nasi Impit till’ the adzan of Subh. And after Subh prayer, Zzzz… Konon excited sampai tak mengantuk.Konon! Ahahaha.

“Eh, dah 7.30 a.m.”

Tidur lagi.

Siti Shahirah dah membunyikan penyedut hampagas. Oh aku banyak tidur pulak. Kalaulah tak siap semua, menangis air mata darah aku. Nak2 sharp pukul 10 ada si fulanah dah terpacak depan pintu. Ehem! Huk3…

“Mmg dah set nk breakfast sini!”

Hati M ketuk,”Amboi kamu! Hehehe…”

 Semalam, tugas aku ‘delayed’ beberapa jam disebabkan oleh kerak nasi yg degil sungguh. Aduh! Sakit jari masih terasa. Hampir tercabut kuku dek cuba mengopek kerak yg dah semacam mengakar dlm periuk tu. The feeling of missing my long nails (Amoi 1: Eww, M) passed by… Hee, nak kena rotan dgn Naqiyan ke apa? Rindu2 pulak tempat syaitan ‘bergayut’…

(Amoi 2: )

Hari yg sama, semua ahli usrah a.k.a. SC diberi homework utk perjumpaan akn dtg. Kasihan tgk kakak mentor yg sibuk. Harap kami boleh jadi tenaga pengerak terbaik. Kami penyokong setia! Cewah.

Khairunnisa si gadis mumtaz pernah berkata, “M sejak akhir2 ni ‘feelingless’ (kurang terserlah kecepatan tersentuh>>>actually, bdk menangis aku ni).”

“Oh ya?” M buat gaya bajet ala2 matured. Aiyaa.

Jadi ekspresi ‘feeling’ yg dimaksudkan  tu pergi mana? Mari sini aku ckp, pergi ke sini:-

-Suasana meriah dgn ucapan2 penuh kasih dari para tetamu hari ni. Aura positif menyerap.

-Terharu dpt dgr bacaan hadith Kutub Sittah.

-Kata2 seorang kakak, “Kalau ilmu tu tak ‘serang’ akal (yakni tercetus kefahaman), dia masih boleh ‘serang’ hati>>>itulah benda yg aku cuba susun dlm bentuk kata2 bila aku bisik, “Suatu hari aku akn benar2 memahami’ ‘ayat2 indah’ ni”

-drama / filem tangkap leleh

dan yg sekutu dgnnya…  Hakikatnya, aku masih seorang bdk kuat nangis. Malu. Cuma amount of lacrimal secretion berjaya dikurangkan setakat bertakung dekat mata je.

Harapan: dpt berkumpul mcm ni lagi walaupun ada yg tak dpt hadir… Dlm berkumpul tu juga,

PESANAN Super Senior: JGN LUPA doa dpt habis 6 thn di Mesir ni, jgn dok doa utk mumtaz je. Bumi Mesir ni pun kdg2 tak kuat nak kekalkan keamanan di atasnya… Entu ‘aarif?

p/s: sebarang cadangan amatlah dialu-alukan kalau2 ada rezeki kami nak open the house lagi. Insya Allah.Ngee

M is not for Materialistic

Yes, alhamdulillah, akhirnya aku berjaya menghubungi Mak. Mcm biasalah, kalau org lain berkobar-kobar nak call parents, aku lak berkobar-kobar tapi berdebar. Aduh. Perasaan mcm ni pun ada kah? Jadi spt kebiasaannya, aku akan menjadi pendengar yg setia. Aku kirakan bhw aku ingin menjadi pendengar yg setia, bukan pengadu semata-mata. 

Apa2 masalah, aku mesti cuba selesai sendiri, kalau dah selesai baru aku boleh beritahu Mak. Mak bercerita sakan tadi. Hari ni lain sedikit ku anggar krn tercampur dgn soal konflik keluarga. Mmg ku tak faham langsung perselisihan tu. Konflik apa? Tak relevan utk digarap di sini. 

Oh, aku mesti tamatkan Tahun Kedua pengajian ni dgn sebaik-baiknya, aku tak nak delay lama2 sgt hajat Mak aku nak buat kombo 'umrah+visit the daughter trip'. Berkemungkinan kalau jadi, aku kena absent beberapa kuliah pertama Tahun Tiga. (Cuba utk tgk scalp sendiri bila terkenang topik hangat Anatomy, Head and Neck yg 'fuhh!')

Cuma aku harap, takkan ada perselisihan kami adik beradik tatkala usia menjelang matang nanti. Biar betul-betul matang. kalau tak, ada juga Mak yg membuka kalam cereka pada anaknya nanti. Dush3. Sampai sekarang tak tahu bagaimana boleh wujud tahap konflik sebegitu.Permulaan Tahun Dua lebih tenang dan tersusun. Masa Tahun Satu mmg terpinga-pinga yg banyak. Tahun ni, tgk adik muda setahun pula yg terpinga-pinga. Well, not that I really mean that. Whatever.

Ckp pasal Malaysia, aku mmg dah aim at least ada satu tahun yg aku tak balik Malaysia. Bukan apa, nak merasa kombo 'puasa+raya di Mesir' yg genap. Aku sedang mengintai-intai resepi. Ingatkan nak buat sesuatu, yg berkaitan dgn makanan dlm cuti ni. hari ni hari pertama cuti. Betapa nikmatnya dpt cuti setelah aku berjuang utk tidak mengantuk/terlelap terus dlm sebanyak kuliah yg mungkin. And now? Yippie! 

Tapi kan, dlm hati ni tak tahu kenapa penat sgt mlm smlm. Lepas maghrib tertidur kejap. Naqiyan pun tak dpt dtg ceramah sempena Aidiladha ni, sekali lagi. Tak apalah ya, tahun depan cuba lagi. Ahakz. 

Semalam fikiran aku termenung seketika, aku sedih bila teringat kata2 seorang sahabat ni (in this case, I hardly can call you sahabat that moment). Aku post di FB, kata2 yg ada perkataan materialisma. Mmg down sgt2 masa terfikir tu. sampai mengheret perihal Mesir, adakah aku dah salah pilih destinasi pengajian. Haha. Tak ada connection langsung hal sensitiviti yg satu tu dgn Mesir. M, M... Grow up.  Di sini aku nak pesan, 

"Setiap org lain-lain jln ceritanya. Aku sekarang belajar utk mendengar dan memahami. Kalau kau tak tahu kasut yg pada pandangan kau buruk tu sebenarnya nilai masa terluang bersama seorang Mak, kau diam pun dah dpt pahala. Tapi kau pun dah ckp apa yg ada dlm benak qalb kau masa tu.. Tak apalah. Kali ni, cukuplah asyik cerita ttg material org. Campurlah sedikit 'essence' ttg keimanan atau ketokohan seseorang. Ceritalah apa yg naqibah usrah kau kongsikan. Semua tu contoh tajuk. Janji kau tak payah cerita benda yg aku tak suka buat topik bualan iaitu ttg kaya tak tak org tu kah, standard tak standard familinya kah, kawan kau anak hartawan kah... Aku muak."

Aku tak faham kenapa aku jelak. Aku cemburukah? Sah2 langsung tidak. Mungkin aku ke yg terlalu tak memahami beliau? Adakah aku yg terlebih emo? Adakah aku shj yg rasa obvious sgt dia suka cerita benda2 mcm tu? Dia pernah kata baginya financial is a big issue. Dia kata dia ada masalah juga, money dan pada masa yg sama aku pernah text dia, aku ada masalah (dan masalah tu mmg melibatkan psychological support). Tapi money? Minta maaf ckp, keluarga awk masih duduk di rumah berbumbung, adik2 awk bersekolah. Awk mampu beli baju raya. Money? Is that your aim? Satu demi satu persoalan timbul. Aku harap kau satu hari hipotesis aku salah. Aku yakin kau ada penjelasan ttg setiap tutur dan tindakan kau.

Yes, I truly fathom that, but to talk or act as if you're proud of someone else's wealth? Dan org yg kau maksudkan tu semua org yg dpt scholarship sedangkan ramai lagi bdk duduk pedalaman, ketinggalan dan seterusnya tak adalah fluent BI mcm budak2 yg kaya raya ni? Apa motif? To reveal? To be proud of? The point is, I repeat, I really hope my assumptions would be as it is, not the reality.  I don't understand why I felt so odd, so like, "Okay, so what. Like I care?" or "MOTIVE?". Atau perasaan muak tu atas dasar refleksi diri aku juga? Kawan kita mencerminkan sikap kita. Wallahu'alam.

"Aku tak tahu motif kau. Silap aku, aku dulu pun pernah bergambar dgn lelaki bukan muhrim. Tapi kali ni, aku rasa tak ada darurat rasanya utk kau pun buat begitu sekarang. Aku faham, masanya akan tiba utk kau 'faham' dgn hati, despite what kind of surrounding you're in."

Masa aku taip mcm ni, mmg hati penuh dgn sesal. Berapa byk masa yg aku tak guna utk 'menyampai'. Aku mesti beritahu, MESTI.

p/s: merapu tak merapu, lantaklah. Uhuk. 

             -Thing to Do: Go to Alexandria, insya Allah.

Physics: How to Calculate Forgetfulness

Mcm biasalah, bila aku sibuk pening tak bertempat disebabkan perangai suka risau2, maka bebel petir dari Mak ubatnya. Kalau Mak tak 'up' suara mmg tak sah. Suka nak jadi kalut sgt. Jadi maaf dipinta kalau aku ada naik suara pada teman2 seperjuangan sekalian. (Sampai sekarang tak percaya aku pernah buat member sekolah menangis. Hehe... Ampun byk2...). Dah terbiasa, kalau kerja asyik nak gusar tak tentu hala mmg kena bebel 2x ganda panjang dari apa yg kita sibuk complain.

Solusi:

1) Nyorok2 kalau nak mundar mandir, complain2, paranoid atau mengandai bukan2.

2) Cari penyelesaian, bukan SESALAN semata-mata

Aku akn cuba kawal baran tension aku walaupun tekanan darah aku boleh naik kalau tgk baju timbun, kalah Bukit Tambun tak dilipat. Pantang betul anak dara yg suka buat kerja tak senonoh mcm ni. Haish... Aik, check balik... Minta2 aku tak pernah buat. Ahaks. Mcm pernah.   :P

Berat bagasi masih lagi isu. Haha. Saat terakhir aku buat keputusan nak guna khidmat pos. Tak adalah patah separuh badan aku nak angkut beg ke tingkat 7 nanti. Peliknya, semalam 4kg brg2 tu. Hari ni, kalau ditambah tolak dgn berat kotak+4 unit produk kulit+sari klorofil alfafa hambar tak sedap yg Mak bekalkan, terus hampir ke angka 10! Eh? Patutnya maksimum tambah 1kg. Kotak kertas berat sgtkah? Hmm, mari kita lihat... 

 Sumber:  Vision Learning

Density

• Density is a physical property of matter that is defined as the ratio of an object's mass to its volume.

• Archimedes is credited with being one of the first people to consider density as a property of matter.

• An object's buoyancy is determined by its density in relation to the density of the surrounding liquid.

Density = Mass/Volume 

Let's look at an example. A typical brick has a mass of 2,268 g and occupies a volume of 1,230 cm³. The density of the brick is therefore:

2,268 g/1,230 cm³ = 1.84 g/cm³
 
Density can sometimes be confused in our minds with weight because the denser of two, equal-volume objects will be heavier. Remember, though, that it is the relationship between mass and volume that determines density and not volume or mass alone, or even how closely packed the atoms or molecules are.

p/s: tak ada kaitan dgn masalah Fizik. Inilah yg dinamakan pengiraan utk nyanyuk tak terduga.  

Huhuu... Lupa pula. Semalam bukan 4kg yg aku keluarkan. (9kg sebenarnya yg aku keluarkan utk buat bagasi jadi seringan boleh.)

Standard?

Kononnya daku berbahagia krn menyangka berat bagasiku tak mungkin akan berlebihan. Kemudian aku menimbang, alamak! Dah masuk dlm 25kg ni... Adrenalin memainkan peranan.Cuba keluarkan lagi apa2 yg masih boleh muat dlm bagasi tgn. Arghh, lantaklah! Dah siap2 duit kalau2 kena buat bayaran. Kelas ekonomi mmg begitu. Aku akn terbang dgn Qatar Airways.

Terbang ke memori kali pertama naik besi terbang...

"Org pergi UK pun tak berat mcm ni."

Tersentap aku dgn kata2 kakitangan MAS tu. Yg pasti dia tak maksudkan aku. Masa tu, aku terfikir, "Apa beza kami yg pergi Mesir dgn yg pergi UK tu? Lebih 'standard'kah org yg pergi UK? Sebab awk bagi peluang saya lepas timbangan bagasikah awk rasa awk berhak buat kenyataan spt tu?" Oh tidak, sememangnya berat bagasi aku tak berlebihan jadi terang2, kalau dia betul2 maksudkan sangkaan burukku (ttg mana satu lebih satndard) tu, dia tak ada hak. I'm sure she didn't mean anything. Chill, babe...

Kwn2 ni pun satu, tongkol2 halia pun nak bawa. Beragaklah sedikit. Pergi belajar luar negara bukan nak lebihkan makan yg sedap2, sampai semua perencah masakan nak bawa. Haha. Tapi terpulanglah pada individu tu, bak kata Mak, "Kalau kena bayar, bayar saja..." Hoho... 

Amoi 1: Yeah...! Bayar saja mehh...

Sehari dua sebelum itu Mak dan adik dah tolong timbangkan bagasi aku. Mcm biasa, aku teramat paranoid masa tu. Kalau tidak masakan Mak tolong timbang utk memujuk hati kecilku ni. Kata beliau tak ada apa2 nak risau. Beliau pun dah biasa naik flight. Mcm mana pula yg kena bayar sampai RM900++? Hehe... Mcm aku kata tadi, lantaklah. Asal tak minta duit aku sudah... Huhu. "KITA ADA DUIT... YEAH..."... Bunyi mcm sombong di situ... Padahal harta tak adalah berkepuk mana pun. Kah3. 

Harapanku supaya penerbangan tak ubah mcm yg tertera dlm e-ticket. Agak berat tgn ni nak hubungi pejabat Qatar Airways. Hihi... Kelas dah mula sejak semalam, 19/9/2010... Subjek kegemaran aku, Biochemistry pula tu yg mula2 sekali. Mmg pembalasan namanya tu krn suka2 balik SEDIKIT lambat. Ulangi, SEDIKIT shj lambatnya krn esok, 21/9  patutnya bertolak ke KLIA. Berdebarnya nak tinggalkan 'syurga' dunia, Malaysia... Waa... 

Amoi 2:  Kuih Laya you bawa lain thn saja oh?

M: Isk3, begitulah nampaknya...

p/s: Mesti Cik Fulanah yg bawa balik 15kg kurma ke Malaysia dah jadi saudagar kaya kan? Hehe jgn marah haa...

Hatred and Secrecy

Mak bawa kamera. Telefon ni mampu menangkap imej. Tapi satu helai imej pun aku tak ambil. Meskipun gambarku dlm sepersalinan baju raya. Perangai pelik. Org lain sibuk upload di Facebook aku juga yg tak simpan gambar Raya 2010. Entah. Otak asyik rasa, minda dah hati ni dah cukup pantas mengemas segala kenangan indah yg berlaku sejak aku bercuti di Malaysia... Percaya atau tak, tak ada langsung gambar org pakai baju raya dlm telefonku.

Aku akn rindukan Tahun 2010. Aku akn rindukan Ramadhan itu. Aku akan rindukan kali pertama aku tak hiraukan kekurangan.Percaya dan bersyukur dgn kecukupan itu membuatkan rasa senang di hatiku. Tiap kali balik rumah tentu aku menangis tapi aku tetap suka kerana aku semakin memahami... Kalau bukan sebab Mak dan adik, aku tak ingin balik. Debu2 Cairo lebih nyaman dari org2 yg menyesakkan nafas aku.

"Inilah hidup aku. Juat deal with it! Siapa kata kebahagiaan bukan milik kau? Kalau inilah yg indah pada pandangan Allah, apa salahnya aku telan jua walau pahit."

Tika jiwaku berontak aku tak hiraukan perasaanku sampai sanggup aniaya diri sendiri. Kali ini, aku mesti menang! Mesti...

Cuma hari makin berlalu namun senyap. Aku terpaksa tinggalkan Mak jauh dari mata utk sambung kelas pengajian. Sayu.

Scum

Very disappointing. My prayer had not been granted yet Allah gave me answers. Perhaps. I will never give up, praying so that Allah opens his heart. He, Mr R is still the same. He ruined one girl. Exception if that girl doesn't care at all. I don't know if he bluffed. If I believe the very 100%, I am fool. Those messages looked like sarcasm too. If he really made quiet a joke, stories he weaved  really works but not on me.

This is a really serious matter. Confused enough either to get guilty, angry or sad.  I repeat, he never change. Of course, it's been only one year. One year can't guarantee everything. The saddest thing is that he thinks I am like any other girls I hate most. That is, if you readers can understand but let it be just silent. No assumptions can guess the truth.

That ego... 

He never give it up. Always trying to accomplish his devious seductions. That girl he mentioned may be fool enough, but not me. (As if the girl really exists... Huh. What a 'joke'. I am still thinking he tried to make stories out of his rubbish mind).  

Pasts keep reminding me to behave. I WAS DESPERATELY PATHETIC TO KNOW HIM. My regret.

Dear Mr R... GET A LIFE!

p/s: apalah dugaan nak sambut Eid ni... haihh

Pink Roses

Bila ni nak bersihkan bilik sendiri ni? Aduh, geli pada habuk. Huk3. Tapi aku pasti aku akn bersihkan juga bilik dari debu2 Malaysia ni. Sekurang-kurangnya debu Msia ni masih boleh ‘dibendung’. Haha. Semasa aku saja2 berangan ttg konon nak membersihkan ni, aku terjumpa satu lukisan. Detik melankolik. Lukisan simple. Ada beberapa kuntum bunga mawar warna merah jambu dlm pasu. Itulah hadiah untuk Anugerah Pendiam. Pendiam ke? Mungkin kurang kawan lebih sesuai. Hehh. Kali pertama aku pernah dpt anugerah ‘just-for-fun’ mcm tu. Hee.

Lagu pilihan cuti ni? Salah satunya ‘Something about Love’ David Archuletta. Lagu ni ada selit inspirasi juga tahu. Adik aku tak gemar. Katanya, “GAY! Lagu gay! Arghhhhhhhhhh... Bencinya... Aku benci benda gay” Yeah, yeah... Lagilah aku galak utk putar dan putar itu lagu. Yea... putar, jgn putar alam sudah... Biasalah tu, apa yg aku suka semua dia ejek, “gayyyyy... eee...” game dlm handset yg aku riangnya main pun dia kata gay. Sah paranoid. Semacam petanda homophobia pun ada. Huh. paranoid. Mungkin daripada letak haemophobia sebagai nick ym dia, patut letak homophobia instead. wakaka. Apa-apalah, silly.

Asal bila aku yg memasak saja mesti sardin, sup sayur, sayur goreng, telur dadar atau masak kicap... kalau masa masak sambal mmg aku hanya dibenarkan sentuh papan pemotong dan potong sayur sajalah. Saya dlm fasa sederhana berbakat masak sambal tumislah. Tapi at at least aku boleh jimat air peluh kan?

Amoi 1 dan 2: Eww, air peluh pun perlu simpan ke?

Hee... Cuma pada suatu hari, aku diberi peluang masak peria, sayur yg aku mmg kira sbg pilihan terakhir. Geram dgn kepahitannya, aku biar udang kering masuk lebat2. Rendam air garam sekejap, tambah pedas dan telur... Wallahhhh... Sesuai dimakan utk hilangkan rasa mual hidangan ikan sungai yg kurang aku gemari hari itu... Fakta: Mak turun temurun tak mkn ikan sungai, pari dan keli. Tapi anaknya ni main bedal saja...

Di bazaar Ramadhan, aku tunjuk ikan pari.

“Ikan pari?” semacam kepelikan campur kegelian. Oh Ye, sedikit cebikan di situ...

“Yes, org tau Mak tak mkn, tapi org nak” muahaha... sengaja.

Adakah aku nak cerita ttg sikap pendiam? taklah. Ttg benda gay? Mana ada... Ttg ikan keli? Jauh sekali... Nak ckp, aku berdebar. Title ‘belasan tahun’ mahu expire. Tak berapa enak angka 19 ni. Aduh. Cuti nak habis. Kelas akn terus mula. Berdebarlah nak naik ke tahun kedua ni. Angka 2 ni pun sedikit ‘choi’ pada aku. Waa... Byk lagi makanan Malaysia aku belum mentekedarah rasa...

p/s: Nombor bukan kesukaan M=2, 9

Doubted Post: Think I Posted Twice

Cairo University International Day. It’s an out-of-date story, but yesterday, suddenly I remembered one thing. That one single thing which defected my mood that very calm morning. That one senior. Opps, slipped my words. Haha. Like I care.

Well, this is not the blog to hate people or to spread words of hate. I guess she’s just so anti-social kind of thing that she speaks without alert of others might feel. I don’t say direct way of talking isn’t the best way. I’m just saying that the method of delivering words might mean anything. She wasn’t speaking vulgar words, she’s kind, detailed, smart and experienced (of course, she’s a senior. hehh). Maybe it’s just that I haven’t mentally prepared that time huh?

Not saying that I squeezed to death the part of me for that event. Not saying that I did everything for our booth. But coming out of nowhere,

“This is not fushah (standard) Arabic, this one is ammiyah (daily words)” Kak X says

I put my usual fake smile shine that only the experts will notice. “Who are you? Where’re h*** you come from? Do you have the right to talk that WAY (like you’re better, like you’re waYYYYYY more expert)?”

 Well folks, seeing the words might be not provoking enough but seeing the body language, that inner evil of me had been raised. At least I tried to do a fake smile for positivity. Yeah! M is positive.  

(Amoi 1: BUZZER! Be professional M! Not just emotions...)

M: Haha. Thanks Amoi 1. Fuhh.

Then she added other venomous words, “They (Some people that I can’t remember who) will say something for this.”

Then I said, “I referred to a book. It says that it’s still considered fushah”

After I replied, she just shut her mouth, like “Oh, okay. But I don’t really care. I still know better than you.” I know that sounds like negative thinking, but sometimes faces tell everything.  She left our humble booth.

“Dia tu tak mcm usia dia. Gaya mcm bdk2 sikit” a kind Kak R  said

M’s heart says, “Alright, I can see that.” hahaha

The point is, not telling you’re wrong. Just telling you not to act like a health inspector, bossily checking around our booth and suddenly criticize something which you don’t really know yet. The brain behind the book was someone with a certification in Arabic language. Pardon me if the author was wrong. Can’t you just ask, “Dari mana dpt ni?” or “Betul ke ni mmg fushah?” Perhaps she should join my high school camp’s group work which teaches us how different tones of the same sentence can mean something.  She looks really smart plus I heard she learns with the Egyptians while most of Malaysian students take classes separated from the Arabs (Fully English). That was the first time I met the uncool senior in Egypt. Could be caused by sins. Haihh

p/s: some TOO-SMART-STUDENTS really need communication skills or shall I say, a little bit of sensitivity?

Amoi 2: Aiyaa M, you terlalu sensitip maa…

M:La, mana dtg pulak Amoi 2 ni? Hee. BTW, I don’t think Kak X meant anything. Apa2 sajalah… :p

Sya'ban at the Eleventh Hour

Sedia maklum, telefon bimbitku yg lama itu sudah sampai ke penghujung kemampuannya.  Rancangan terpaksa diolah, tak ada spare jawabnya. Oh tak mengapalah. Telefon baru mesti dibeli jua. Mulanya aku aku dah target satu model dari jenama Siti Errica, tapi aku akhirnya beralih kpd jenama Rokiah pula. Katanya Siti Errica terlalu delicate. Maklumlah, lihat saja 2 pita perekat yg menjawab jerih perit yg dilalui The Old Rokiah.Tiba2 aku meragui ketahanan Siti Errica.

Moga kau bertahan lama wahai Rokiah Jr.... Haihh… (At least ‘till M got mumtaz in every subject… muahaha… sounds like forever…) 

sreeeetttt..... AKU TAK SUKA MERAPU!!! Serabut Betul... Aiyaa

Itu bukan cerita utamanya…

Insya Allah, beberapa jam lagi kita akan menyambut 1 Ramadhan. Memetik kata2 seorang penceramah, “Moga sebulan itu dpt kita gunakan sebaik-baiknya, bukan sibuk dgn baju raya atau langsir…” (Ngee… Baju rayaku dah settle, amoi banyak senang hati…)

p/s: source: http://www.jannah.org/ramadan/ramadanhadiths.html

"Ramadan is the (month) in which the Quran was sent down, as a guide to mankind and a clear guidance and judgment (so that mankind will distinguish from right and wrong).." (Surah al-Baqarah, verse 185)

Narrated Abu Huraira (r.a): The Prophet said:"... whoever fasts during Ramadan out of sincere faith and hoping to attain Allah's rewards, then all his past sins will be forgiven."(Sahih Al-Bukhari)

Vibrant Pink

"M ambillah tudung yg tu, M kan suka beli brg dari patung."

Okay, Fine lah... Dlm hati ni, "MAK!!!" Mkn dlm punya... Isk3... Tak baik tau...

Tak kisahlah, aku dah pun beli tudung BUKAN dari patung tu. Agak kurang selesa dgn potongannya yg ala2 tutup kolar baju shj. Aku maksudkan ialah tudung syria, yg org sibuk perkatakan sekarang ni. Maybe I'll just buy the scarf. Not the ridiculously tiny hijab. 

Aku takkan minta maaf sbb dah terlebih post aku ttg pakaian. I just can't help it. I drew few sketches when I was little and Mom says people don't eat drawings. You want to sew dresses? You'll make your glasses thicker (As if Medicine doesn't make short-sightedness worse. Heh) Sorry to get carried away. Art is just a fragment of me. Speaking about garment designs which won't sell. Haha. Gosh I am paranoia about one time people asked in a Co-Whatever activity in INTEC, "Adakah anda seorang yg mementingkan duit?" Hey, just because people grab coins as much as they can in a lied back activity , doesn't mean he's materialistic. Be REASONABLE. 

Huh, majlis Tilawah al-Quran Peringkat Antarabangsa ke-52 telah pun melabuhkan tirainya mlm tadi. Juara qari ialah wakil dari Mesir dan naib johan ialah wakil dari Malaysia. Bagai ironis bukan? Hehehe. Bagi qariah, Johan ialah wakil dari pakistan... Berita Selanjutnya di sini.

p/s: Bapa saudaraku sdg sakit. Moga Allah menyembuhkan beliau... waktu Malaysia jam 1.53 pm

Dugaannya Lain-lain

Apabila aku melangkah ke KLIA yg tersergam indah, aku terasa 'jakun' sebentar.

"RAMAINYA ORG M'SIA!!!"

Ya... Itulah bisikan hati manusia yg baru setahun berhadapan dgn,

"Ni hao, ni hao..."  dan lebih menyakitkan hati, "jhfhufbc  shue huu hshsusbsjshdcj" seolah2 mengejek percakapan kami. Huh, aku yg terlalu emotional. (Usahlah ambil hati tak tentu pasal, M...)

"Aku lempang juga anak Arab ni." Aku masih seorang yg 'berdarah panas', tapi boleh dikawal... haha

Dugaan di mesir lain, kekacauan jiwa di malaysia lain. Selak surat khabar, opps, artis Malaysia berpakaian spertinya standard zaman ini begitu. Tak kasar jika saya katakan, berpakaian seolah2 mahu melenyapkan Islam dan bangsa sendiri. Buka televisyen, opps, apakah keserabutan itu? Nasib baik masih disiarkan Majlis Tilawah al-Quran peringkat antarabangsa tu. Jikalau semua program keagamaan pun dah tak ada dlm media massa, tak tahulah apa yg tinggal. Secara terus terang, dulu aku yg 'rebellious' mmg tak hirau semua tu. Tak pernah sedar kekosongan yg bersarang, berhabuk dlm hati ini. Apa2 lah. 

Makin aku duduk lama di Malaysia, aku terasa kekosongan tu. Diburukkan dgn kenangan hodoh, sakitnya Tuhan sahaja yg Maha mengetahui. Itulah, dugaan Mesir lain, dugaan di sini lain. Jadi aku sgt mengagumi insan yg masih boleh teguh iman dan akidahnya menetap di bumi yg semakin dirosakkan makhluk tak bertanggungjawab  ni.

Bukan aku kata bahawa Mesir itu org2 nya alim semuanya. Sana pun ada juga couple. 'Couple', istilah BODOH yg diamalkan sesetengah kwn2 sebaya dan tak sebaya aku. Tapi itulah, dugaannya lain-lain. Aku ambil pengajaran di sini, aku tak boleh lari dari godaan. Dulu aku berniat, aku mahu terbang jauh2, 13 jam utk lari. tapi sekarang aku kembali. Sekejap sahaja sudah memeritkan. Sebelum terbang bukan tak sempat berdakwah shj, malah aku tenggelam dek memberontak. Aku fikir lagi, sesudah peroleh ijazah mampukah aku kembangkan Islam dlm pekerjaanku? Oh tenatnya...

p/s: tidak boleh tidur. waktu malaysia: 2.58 pagi. Mungkin kerana siangnya balik dari tempat aku pernah lepak, aku terkenang seorang manusia ini melampau2. Astaghfirullahal 'azim

suka dgr ini byk kali. Boleh tanam rindu pada Rasulullah... :)

Planning 2010/2011 Look

People change, I have to change as years pass by. What if,

"Selalunya saya buat mcm ini, kali ini saya buat mcm ini pula," M said.

"Dulu lainlah, M budak-budak lagi. Sekarang M dah besar. Sesuailah tu," Mak replied.

I'm stepping into the new age. I am not the girl who used to be over-fascinated to rebellious musics. I prefer calling myself someone with vintage or classic taste. I'm so classic now. Not 'pinky winky' anymore. (Forget that statement, still can't take my eyes of pink). I had been satisfied with all the over-accessorized options. Simplicity describes me better. Purple is the colour of wisdom, can't deny that even since 5 years back then in my life. In my wardrobe, pink, purple and red. Well, I love to combine those colours to make a new stunning colour. Can you just imagine the beauty of that? Purple blended with red... Wow.

Now, I'm experimenting with turquoise and light blue. I'll say those two are some of exotic picks. As usual, 'vibrancy'  is my game. Believe it or not, one day, I 'fought' with the display doll in a shop just for this one single cardigan (that was a cardigan, I supposed). I never madly want something in my life but that bright blue... made my eyes sparkle. It was because the cardigan left hung inside only this --> green <-- I would never wear? So at the end, the doll had been left with a sleeveless inner... Sorry, Miss Doll. Whatever.

That's not the topic. It's about what you usually choose when you're in school days. What would be most practical for you but not really preferable because you are now in the university, you're taking good course and soon, you will be a wife of somebody. straight to the point, YOU'RE NOT A KID ANYMORE.

Let me remind myself, as an undergraduate in medicine,  I will spend the most of my youth to this field of knowledge. I will celebrate another 5 years, insyaAllah, my birthday not in Malaysia. I was flattered because I truly realised  I had mentally and physically prepared to be far from home for years. 

As one of my housemate mentioned that she cried on her first Eid in Egypt, I just enjoyed every moment as I can that glorious day. However, I can't guarantee I never cry in Egypt. Fitting in could be too difficult for some people. But hey! I'm adapting!

At about 7.00 pm, I just got back from my favorite salon near my place in Malaysia. I won't let any people touch my hair. Some may just let their good buddies cut their hair the way they want and I just smile once I took note of the fact. Of course, I'm not that type of folk.

Back home, I told my Mom, "Usually I chose ...... but today I randomly chose ......" She replied, "Those days you're just a small teen. Now if you choose ...... it will surely be inappropriate."

p/s: Haven't got Malaysia mobile phone no. yet.

Writing when it's Raining

Exam tamat.(4/7/2010)

I cried during Physiology oral exam because of tiredness. 8.00 am to 1.00 pm without meal. What was that??? And suddenly, AUTONOMIC NERVOUS SYSTEM? bla3. Almost die. Tiredness KILLS. Tiredness makes you FORGET. Tiredness makes you MAD. HEHHHH!

Oh yeah, I was not a good listener. So now I’m considering taking back my words to the JPA officer saying that I wanted to take psychiatry. You got what I mean, readers. During exam weeks, I always find ways not to overhear people tumbling, “I’m scared”, “I don’t think I can make it”, “I want to go to Malaysia”, “I don’t revise everything” nor “Why I can’t remember???.”  I know this statement won’t help, but I really hope all of us will change for the better. Straight to your forehead, “PLEASE NO CHILDISH girls. Can’t stand it.” This is not specified to one person only. It includes myself.

Dinner 2010 tamat.(6/7/2010)

Ada org ckp mkn tak kenyang, tapi aku rasa ada hikmahnya juga. kalau aku dpt mkn kenyang, mungking aku akan pening. Mungkin aku akn dengki dgn mereka yg sentiasa boleh mkn di meja masing2 dari mula majlis hingga ke akhirnya. haha. Nasiblah. MC yg paling pendengki di semesta. Whatever.

Result. (2 Mumtaz, 1 jaiyid jiddan, 1 jaiyid).

Alhamdulillah. Alamak, busy sgt sekarang ni. Rumah oh rumah…

Balik Malaysia. (21/7/2010)

Tentu pramugari tu bengang padaku. hehe. Daku tertekan ‘butang memanggil’ itu byk kali. She says, “You can just push the button once”. In my heart, “I can’t see your face clearly (It was dark). Somehow, I imagine your wrinkled skin now”. From my mouth I said, “Opps, I accidentally pushed … (words became husky by terror.”

Ramadhan 

 Praying for His bless

Raya

Not getting the mood yet

Balik Mesir

Kembali sibuk?

Sepertinya aku kena guna masa dgn bijak cuti ni. Bila la nak menyelak buku ni. Takut byk yg hilang dari hati. Ingin mencari ruang utk sampaikan cenderahati tak seberapa kpd beberapa kwn.

I told off someone just now and I just don’t like it. Fear, anger, cares and sad. All those feelings mixed up together.

 I decided to start writng in proper language as much as I could. It is because I was very irritated by one Youthsays .com post, questioning how come we as the, ‘future hope’ can’t use proper language. Not being challenged by that, I think this time it just that I have much time to do so this holiday. Totally. Although I find that sometimes using full terms really consume my time, I’ll try. Make it just this post at least. I begin to feel empty and bored. As I expected. I don’t think my friends will have the same schedule as me. Till then, I got tones of business to catch up in Egypt. Furnitures, washing machine, the kitchen stove and other necessary equipments. Would this year’s Eid be joyful? I wouldn’t guess. As long as Mom is all feeling good here, I’m relieved. We can still move on with life.

Another annoyance is being ignored. Why am I so obsessed with this one sister? She just stopped messaging with me the last time I finally found her in Faceboook. Err, don’t get me wrong, I am not a stalker nor a fanatic. I just hate of being ignored. At least she could say, “Busy”, “We don’t really know each other”. Okay. That will be clear. But disappearing? As if Mr F told her that big secret of mine and thus she felt absurd about it. The ‘thing’. Huh.

(No, no, no. Do not ASSUME things, M)